Amateur Hour

Tuck brooded most of the way back to the rectory. Lisa could pull only short answers from him to questions, and no conversation, at all. She couldn’t tell whether he was angry, worried, or a combination of the two, but she knew she was right, and so did he, she was sure. Her only real option was to return home, and press on, from there.

Even Gil seemed to sense the tension. He paced in the back seat, unable to settle down.

“Lay down, Gil!” Tuck barked, at one point.

“Don’t snap at my dog,” Lisa said. Gil dropped obediently down onto his belly, on the seat.

“Sorry,” Tuck said, tightly.

“I don’t think you’re sorry, at all.”

“No, I am. It’s not his fault you’re–”

“Careful,” she advised him.

Tuck paused, and took a deep breath.

“Okay… It’s not his fault that you’re so gung ho to go back into a paranormal crucible. How’s that?”

“Much better than what you were about to say, I’m sure. Extra points for the use of the word, crucible.”

“It was on my crossword puzzle, yesterday,” he replied, loosening up a little.

“I really did have fun, this morning.”

“Well, I’m glad. So did I.”

The silence between them spun out again, but this time it was more companionable. Lisa broke it, as they pulled past the church, and into the driveway.

“Holy shit!” she exclaimed.

“What?”

“See that Suburban, over there? She pointed to the parking lot that had once been for parishioners. “That would be my brother.”

On cue, a man with greying auburn hair and a neatly trimmed beard, to match, stepped out of the driver’s side, and a short, blonde, rather chubby woman climbed out of the passenger side.

“And, he brought Janice with him,” she groaned. “This day just keeps getting better and better.”

Tuck scanned her face, and for the first time since lunch, laughed.

“It’s not funny.”

“Maybe not, but your expression is.”

“Really? Check his expression out. He’s here to be all big brothery, and I don’t have time, for it.”

“Put him to work, then. You said he was a historian.”

“I said he was a history teacher.”

“Same difference.”

Tuck hopped out of the Jeep, and opened the door for her. Lisa sensed he was fighting an urge to add a flourish to the gesture. She rearranged her face into what she hoped was a look of pleased surprise, and got out.

“There you are!” Liam exclaimed, as she hugged him. “We saw your car, but you didn’t answer the door. I was just getting ready to call you.”

Lisa gave Janice an obligatory hug of welcome. “Darlin’ I have really got to pee,” the little woman said. “Do you suppose we can go inside? Sorry, Handsome,” she smiled at Tuck who grinned back.

“When you gotta, you gotta,” Tuck shrugged.

That was another annoying trait of Janice’s, Lisa reflected. She was disgustingly flirtatious. But all she said was, “Of course.”

They trooped up the sidewalk, and Lisa fed the key into the front door. “Down the hall, on your left. I’ve got to get my dog out of the car.”

“Thank you,” Janice said, even as she beat a path to the bathroom.

Lisa closed the door, and the two men introduced themselves to one another, as she retreated back to the car, to retrieve Gil, who was standing and snuffling at the window, anxious to join the party. “Do not pull me,” she warned him, catching up his leash. Gil gave her a look that said he would never do such a thing, and hopped out. He was as good as his word, walking in front of her, but without pulling.

“Now, before you say anything,” Liam began, when she reached the two men, “we’ve taken a room at a motel. I know there’s no way you’re set up, for guests.”

“Did you bring Spike?”

“Would I leave Spike? He’s back at the motel,” Liam smiled. “You look mighty flustered, Sis,” he observed.

“Well, I am. Why didn’t you let me know you were coming?”

“It was a last minute decision,” he said, looking a little guilty. “I sensed… I got a feeling…”

“Oh, spit it out, Liam,” Lisa sighed. “Tuck knows all about the goings on, here.”

“Okay, then– I got a feeling that you might need me.”

“Oh, believe me,” Tuck put in, “she does.”

To make things absolutely perfect, Kelly, whose truck had been parked in the back, emerged from the church, with a cage full of writhing grey furry bodies.

“What on earth–?” Janice demanded, wide eyed, from the front door.

Kelly waved at the group, and went on about her business.

“Rats, Janice,” Lisa announced. “The church has lots and lots of rats.”

“Well,” Janice recovered herself. “Fewer now than before, it looks like. Maybe you should get a store cat, when you open, just for insurance.”

“Maybe I should,” Lisa replied dryly. “Well, let’s go in, everyone. Unless you’re busy, Tuck?”

“I can stay a while,” he grinned.

Somewhat to Lisa’s surprise, Gil showed no hesitation to reenter the rectory. Either he had a very short memory, or he wasn’t permanently affected by having been ghost booted, the night before. He went straight to his food dish, ate a mouthful, took a sloppy drink, then settled himself on the living room floor, close to Janice, who sat on the sofa, and made a fuss over him. Liam grabbed two of the kitchen chairs and placed them in the living room

Meanwhile, Tuck played host, helping Lisa with coffee and refreshments, which consisted of a few cookies and crackers on a couple of plates. Lisa was both grateful for his help, and resentful of his amused glances.

At one point he moved in close enough to whisper, “Lighten up,” into her ear.

“Easy for you to say,” she hissed back.

“This house isn’t half bad,” Liam observed, when they were all seated. “Take up this flooring, and–”
“You haven’t seen the ugly tile in the bathroom, or the uglier paneling in the bedrooms,” Lisa forced a smile.

“The bathroom isn’t terrible,” Janice said. “I’d replace the tile on the shower floor, of course.”

“It’s all got to go,” Lisa replied. “But, it’s livable. My focus is on the church, right now. It has the potential to be stunning, once the pests are gone, and it’s all cleaned up. Did you have a good drive, coming up?”

“That depends. The dog got carsick,” Liam said, “which grossed Janice out so much that she was almost sick. I guess he’s not good on long trips. Otherwise, it went well enough.”

“Give him some Benadryl, before you hit the road to head back,” Tuck suggested. “My Nickie gets carsick on long trips, too, and it works great, for her.”

“I still haven’t gotten your name, Sugar,” Janice said, quite batting her blue eyes.

Lisa felt an urge to slap her upside her head.

“Now, why would I tell you my name, if you’re going to call me something as sweet as Sugar?” Tuck countered, with a grin. “It’s Tucker, but everyone calls me Tuck. And, reliable sources tell me your name is Janice.”

Lisa felt an urge to slap Tuck upside his head. It was irrational, but undeniable. She almost wanted to laugh at herself. Janice was really too ridiculous. She wondered, yet again, what Liam saw in her. She nearly lost it, when Tuck caught her eye and raised an eyebrow.

“That would be right, Tucker, and I’m very pleased to meet you. It’s good to know Lisa has made a friend, already.”

“Lisa has made several friends, as a matter of fact,” Tuck said.

“Do tell. I’ve always taken her for an introvert,” Janice smiled at Lisa.

“Not in the least,” Tuck grinned some more. “I should arrest her for having more charm than the law allows.”

Janice giggled. Lisa rolled her eyes.

“Then, you’re the deputy who came, the first night she was here,” Liam said.

“I am, yes,” Tuck nodded.

“Are you dating, now?”

“Liam!” Lisa objected.

“Lisa went home with me, last night. Things got a little wild here. She went home with me, met my family, slept in my guest room, took a trail ride with us all, and I brought her home, after lunch.” His delivery was the same, Lisa imagined, as if he were giving testimony in court. His tone was flat, factual, and not defensive.

“Wild, how?” Liam’s tone altered to one of concern.

“I guess you know rats aren’t the only infestation in this place.”

“We both know that, yes,” Liam said, including Janice.

“Well, one of the haunts got physical with Gil,” Tuck nodded toward the snoring heap at Lisa’s feet. “It seemed like a good idea, to leave, and I wasn’t going to dump your sister at some motel, with no transportation.”

“Well played,” Liam commented. “Because if she had had transportation, she would have come right back here.”

“Kindly stop talking about me as if I weren’t in the room, gentlemen,” Lisa said.

“Yes, do stop it,” Janice put in.

Lisa shot her a glance. She couldn’t recall ever seeing Janice look less than pleased or pleasant, but she was scowling, now.

“Lisa, we’re here, to help. You just tell us what you want us to do,” Janice continued.

Giving anyone else marching orders was easier said than done. At the end of the afternoon, when Liam and Janice took their leave and went back to the motel, Lisa was no closer to having anything like a plan than she had been when she woke up. Obviously, Liam would be a godsend, when it came to historical research. He would know what to look for, and how and where to look for it.

She, herself, had the old ledgers to examine, now safely ensconced in Tuck’s chest freezer, she presumed. Tomorrow, she could begin going over them, when Tuck dropped them by, on his way to work. As for Janice… She couldn’t imagine what earthly use Janice could be, in any of it. The best she could hope for was that the woman would have the good sense to stay out of the way, and not be a distraction. Maybe she could keep the notes, at their informal meetings, Lisa thought wryly. She wondered if Janice knew how to work a coffee maker.

All of these things passed through her mind, as she lit the sage bundle she had gotten at the Silver Chalice, and lined her black tourmaline carvings up, on the counter. The bundle produced more smoke than she had expected, but the scent was pleasant. She hoped it wouldn’t set off her smoke alarms. One by one, she held each carving into the smoke, as Lady Amanda had instructed, to purify them. When she was done, she placed one in each room. A pyramid here, an obelisk there, until only the angel meant for the sanctuary was left, on the counter. Then, she carried the sage from room to room, smudging each with smoke, before extinguishing it.

She felt satisfied, when she was done, though whether or not it would have any effect, remained to be seen. The house felt quieter, around her. Some of the edginess in the atmosphere seemed to have abated.

The next morning was an overcast Halloween Eve, and Lisa studied the fast moving clouds above her, while Gil had his morning romp in the woods. She prayed it wouldn’t rain; she didn’t fancy the idea of having to stick her mop bucket in the middle of the hall to take in the spill from the leaky roof. Under her breath, she began to hum the tune to Green Acres. She chuckled a little, at her foolishness, shook her head, and sipped coffee from her travel mug.

Her feet carried her toward the back of the property, toward the unmourned Union soldiers’ mass grave. Hadn’t Amanda said something about a grotto, beyond it? It looked like a little bit of a climb, the last time she was there, but she thought she could certainly make it.

Pausing, she called Gil, and checked her jacket pocket for her phone. It was there, and it didn’t take long for Gil to bounce out of the trees, either. Together they walked briskly to the far end of the graveyard.

The ground in question did have a perceptible but gradual slope that was covered in pine needles. They could be treacherous when wet, Lisa knew, but the last few days had been dry, so maybe the footing would be safe enough. She wished she had a stout walking stick, though. The ground flattened out, after the slight rise, and she was wondering which way to go, when she spotted a trail, little more than a deer track, that wended off in a westerly direction. It felt right, so she took it.

Gilligan followed her, at first, until his canine nature got the better of him, and he began to range his own way, off the trail, sometimes in front of her, sometimes beside her, trotting through the dead weeds and low underbrush. He never left her sight, but seemed to be having a good time.

It was a quarter of a mile in, and to her right. The main path continued past the shallow cave, but another trail split away, leading directly to it. Lisa paused at the end of this secondary trail, to take stock of the site. The “cave” wasn’t much more than a depression with an overhang, but to her eyes, it was a bit spooky. Lisa decided that this was only because such geological features didn’t exist, where she came from. Surely, she could see almost every inch of it, from where she stood, at the edge of the little clearing before it.

She was struck by the lack of litter. There was, however, evidence of campfires, or bonfires, maybe, in the center of the clearing. Moving into the clearing, she spotted something colorful against the grey stone inside the grotto itself. She moved cautiously, but Gil had no compunctions, as he made himself at home, sniffing every inch of ground, and watering the occasional bush.

The colorful substance turned out to be candle wax, layers of it, as if one candle had replaced another, over the years. Lisa didn’t know why she was surprised. If she had any witchly bent, this is the kind of place she might choose, to hold her own rituals. She smiled, at the thought, picturing herself in a pointed hat.

Amanda had been right, however. The place felt mysterious, on a grey fall morning, but there was nothing ominous, here. On a sunny day, it might even be an appealing shaded spot. That was almost certainly why there was a well defined split off to it, from the main path. Lisa found a low rock, and sat down.

For a while, she sipped her coffee and simply took in the sights and sounds. She had been there, for about five minutes or so, when a rabbit hopped into sight, paused, then made its way into the brush on the other side of the clearing. A little later, a red tailed hawk swooped across. She hoped it wasn’t hunting the rabbit.

It occurred to her to wonder where the main trail went. It was narrow, but it was definitely a foot track, of some kind. Her best guess was that it led to someone’s swimming hole, or fishing spot. She finished the last of her coffee, dumped the dregs onto the ground, and stuffed the travel mug into her left jacket pocket. The pocket bulged, but it was deep enough. Then she got up, summoned Gil, and went back to the main trail.

She knew she should get back to the house. Kelly would be over, before too long to check her traps, and give Lisa a progress update. Her watch told her she had a little while, though, so she decided to satisfy her curiosity. The trail couldn’t be much longer, after all. She could see the end of the stand of pines, from where she stood. Beyond it was open space, and a wooded area that reminded her of where she had ridden, yesterday.

Lisa winced. She was definitely feeling the consequences of that ride, this morning, in her thighs and her glutes. It wasn’t as bad as she had expected, but it was a reminder that she wasn’t twelve, anymore. She followed the trail, as it meandered its way across the open space, and into the woods that were dominated by oak trees, dripping in Spanish moss, just like the ones back home.

The trail dead ended into another clearing, around an oak that had to be two hundred years old, if it was a day. It was a sublime specimen, easily a hundred feet tall, and with a spread so far that some of the limbs had quite gone to ground, and turned back up to the sky. The foliage was deep green, but around it lay a carpet of its own brown leaves. She guessed that, like back home, some oaks up here didn’t quite lose all their leaves, come autumn.

It was a tree. It was a very old tree, though not a patch on the Senator, before the meth-head had burned it down, in 2012. The Senator had been a bald cypress, thought to be more than three thousand years old. There had been something spiritual about the Senator, but this tree filled Lisa with dread and apprehension.

“Stop being fanciful. It’s just a tree,” she told herself. Her voice sounded small, and she shuddered. Well, the best way to cure irrational fear was to confront it. Acorns crunched under her sneakers, as she approached the giant. Behind her, Gil whined, but didn’t follow. As she neared it, she became aware of a creaking sound above her.

At first, she ignored the sound, though it increased in volume. She stubbed her toe on something, when she was about ten feet from the base, and she fell, landing on her side.

When she rolled over to right herself, she saw the rock she had tripped on, only it wasn’t a rock. It was a blackened brass plaque, set into concrete. She crawled over to examine it, and could make out “Judge Lovejoy” in raised letters. As she was rising to her feet, she became even more aware of the odd, rhythmic creaking overhead.

Lisa looked up, and regretted it. Swinging from three ropes on a stout limb were the bodies of three Union soldiers, their feet dangling five feet above the ground. It didn’t make sense, in more ways than one. Yet, she had time enough to see that one of them wore the chevrons of a Sergeant, before they all vanished.

She was on her feet and running, before she was aware of having moved. Her feet seemed not to touch the ground, at all, until she finally reached the split off to the grotto. She drew up in sight of it, panting, shaking, and aware that tears were running down her face.

It didn’t make sense, she thought for the twentieth time, as she caught her breath and pulled herself together. The soldiers at the tree couldn’t have been the ones who died in the church. There was simply no reason to drag dead men into the woods, only to hang them like bizarre Halloween decorations. No reason to hang dead men—unless, they hadn’t been dead.

Who would have sanctioned such an act? This Judge Lovejoy, for whom the tree was named? It didn’t seem likely. That would certainly have been a matter of record, and it would have been in the newspapers, too. Would even an old-time “hanging judge” sentence arsonists to death by hanging?

No. If this had actually happened, if it weren’t a hallucination, on her part, it was a lynching, plain and simple. And, only the parishioners of the church would have had the motive to do such a thing.