Amateur Hour

Lisa was a little dismayed to see the parking lot was half full, when they arrived at the Silver Chalice. It might be a while, before she could monopolize Lady Amanda, for a few minutes. On the other hand, there were plenty of things to look at, while they waited.

While Janice gazed around, like kid in a toy store, who didn’t recognize half the toys, Lisa wondered at the lack of traffic. The lot was half full, but there seemed to be no one in the store. Even Amanda was missing from behind the register. Leaving Janice to her own devices, Lisa stepped further into the building, and found Amanda and ten other women sitting in various places in the reading room. Some ladies were even cross legged, on the floor.

“I’m sorry,” Lisa said. “I seem to have walked into a meeting.”

“You did, Honey, but don’t be sorry. The store’s open. We just meet between customers,” Amanda replied, cheerfully. Then her smile faded, a tiny bit. “Are you in some kind of trouble, dear? You look spirit touched, and not in a purely good way.”

“I brought something I wanted to show you,” Lisa patted her tote bag.

“May we all see it?” A lady in a grey skirted suit asked, from the sofa.

“I–” Lisa began. She scanned the faces in the room.

“It’s up to you, of course,” Amanda said, “but these ladies are friends. You can trust them.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s set it up on the counter, so everyone can get a good look at whatever it is,” Amanda suggested.

They were all gathered in the main room of the store, when Janice drifted in. She had helped herself to one of the store shopping baskets, and already there were several small objects in it.

“We’re having a public viewing?” she asked.

“Do you mind?” Lisa asked her.

“No, it’s your show. I’m just the cameraman. If the file didn’t make it intact, I do have my phone.”

“I forgot to ask if you have WiFi,” Lisa said, to Amanda.

“We put internet cafe’s to shame,” Lady Amanda laughed.

Lisa smiled, a little abstractedly. She pulled up her email, opened it, and opened the file. The scene was more frightening, on the larger screen, than it had been on Janice’s cell phone. Even so, it was still at more of a remove than it had been, in person.

It was a short video. Nevertheless, the viewers were dead silent, for a moment, when it was over.

“When did this happen?” Amanda asked, at last.

“Not an hour ago,” Lisa said.

“Well, you don’t look much worse for it. I think I’d be in bed, lying down, with a migraine, if it were me. That voice was pretty adamant.”

“EVP,” Janice said. “We didn’t actually hear it, at the time.”

“Intelligent and interactive,” the lady in the grey suit observed. “Potentially dangerous, since it also seems to be hostile. What is the statue made of?”

“Black tourmaline,” Lisa said. “I bought it, here. I guess it’s not impressed.”

“I don’t know. You see how quickly it lost form, after it handled it. That level of manifestation takes a great deal of energy, to begin with. Hurling something made of black tourmaline seems to have almost pulled the plug on it. What did you do with the statue?”

“She stalked right back up to the altar, and put it back,” Janice said.

“Good,” the lady answered.

“You know something about these things,” Lisa said.

“She does,” Amanda confirmed. “Lisa, this is Lila. She’s something of an expert on various kinds of manifestations of spirit.”

“Pleased to meet you, Lila.”

“And, this young lady?” Lila asked, indicating Janice, with a friendly nod.

“My brother’s girlfriend, Janice.”

“Janice, you’ve got balls,” Lila grinned.

“I don’t know about that,” Janice grinned back. “If I’d had a crucifix, I’d have held that up, or even a flag. Anything, to keep from peeing my pants.”

Everyone chuckled at this, and the group began to spread out. Several of the ladies returned to the reading room, while others stood in smaller groups, discussing what they had seen. Lila, Lisa, Amanda and Janice remained together, close to the laptop.

“I don’t really know why my instinct was to bring it here,” Lisa said. “I’m sorry I disrupted your meeting.”

“You have a situation, and you brought it to the elders,” Amanda said.

“I had no notion any…elders would be here,” Lisa said.

“Didn’t you, though?” Amanda cocked her head, to gaze into Lisa’s eyes. “One of three metaphysical shops, in town, on the eve of Samhain? You call it Halloween,” Amanda elucidated. “I’d call that preternaturally good timing, at the very least.”

“That, or I came for my tea leaf reading,” Lisa joked.

“Not tea leaves, I think. Tarot is the tool for this. Lila, can you mind the store, for a while?”

“If I can use the calculator, and give written receipts. I don’t know how to work that new register.”

“Luddite,” Amanda accused, smiling. “Take a course, why don’t you? Yes, you can do it with an abacus, for all I care.”

“Well, I might, just!” Lila retorted, and waved them off, with a shooing motion.

“Janice, will you be okay?” Lisa asked.

“Are you kidding? It would take hours, just to see everything in here, and even longer to appreciate it.”

Lisa allowed herself to be led to a small room in the back of the store. It wasn’t the darkened cubby she expected. Rather, it was painted in a soft almond shade, and light streamed in from two windows. There were potted plants on the window sills, healthy and thriving. A couple of philodendrons hung down from planters mounted in the ceiling, as well. Several cushions were stacked neatly in one corner. She surmised they were for floor sitting. A few of the ladies had been sitting on similar cushions, in the reading room. In the center of this room was a round table, about as big as her own kitchen table, and two brown wicker chairs.

“So, you have less confidence in tea leaves, than in cards?” Lisa asked, seating herself in the chair Amanda indicated.

“Tea leaves are for fun. The readings don’t take long, and while they’re mostly accurate, they’re meant more as entertainment. Casual customers enjoy them. But, Tarot can actually offer guidance, which is what I think you’re looking for. Don’t tell me that, with apparitions throwing things at you, you’re nervous about a Tarot reading?”

“I am, a little. It’s…like crossing a line.”

“If you’re not comfortable with it, we won’t do it. A reading should never be forced. Want to look at them?” Amanda offered Lisa the deck.

Lisa hesitated, then took the proffered deck. “These are small,” she said. “I’ve seen decks with huge cards.”

“Yeah, I don’t care for those. I can’t shuffle them, easily. They appeal to some people, but I feel that if I can’t get a good shuffle, I can’t get a good reading. This is an art nouveau deck.”

“They are very pretty,” Lisa allowed, looking at the faces of some the cards. It’s just that some of them are so negative. There’s always a Devil, a Hanged Man, Death…”

“They can be negative, yes. A lot depends on where they come up, in the spread. But they aren’t literal. The Devil is usually representative of a large problem. The Hanged Man indicates a temporary inability to move or make a decision. Death usually means that something in your life is coming to an end, or transitioning into something else. Those are all cards from the Major Arcana, though. If you like, I can pull them out of the deck, and read from the Minor Arcana, only.”

Lisa thought about it, for a moment. “No,” she said, at last. “It should be all, or nothing. How does this work?” She handed the cards back to their owner.

“Well, it depends, first of all, on whether you have a specific question, or if you just want a general reading. That will determine what spread I do.”

“Oh, I do have a specific question.”

“Okay. Five-card spread, it is.”

“Do I need to ask my question?” Lisa asked, watching Amanda shuffle the cards.

“You can ask it aloud, or keep it to yourself. Either way is fine. Just keep it foremost in your mind, as you cut the deck. Cut it twice, so that there are three piles in front of you. Great,” she said, taking up the three piles, one on top of the other, from the same direction that Lisa had cut them. The initial top card was now closer to the bottom. She laid out four cards, in a square, with a fifth, in the center.

The first card up, the one in the center, was the two of wands. “This is the theme of your reading,” Amanda said. “The two of wands means that you have powers that have not been truly tested, or that they are just beginning to be tested. You have everything you need, to pass the test, but you have to be willing to use your tools.”

Lisa nodded, looking unsure, but Amanda turned up the next card, saying, “If it doesn’t make sense right this minute, it will. The next card represents the present situation in your life. She turned up Justice. “You’re being called upon to intervene for someone, to seek justice, on their behalf. You have to proceed with caution, though. Justice cuts both ways, so you must keep your conscience clear.”

Amanda turned up the next card. “This is what is influencing you most, right now, and it’s very interesting. The Knight of Cups might mean that a man has come into your life. He’s a fine man, to all appearances, but you’re guarded, where he’s concerned. You want to trust him, but you’re waiting to see his dark side, if he has one. And,” Amanda glanced up, “I see that one means something to you. Good.”

Lisa’s blush deepened.

“Now, let’s have a look into your challenges,” Amanda continued. She turned up the Nine of Pentacles. “Not much surprise, here,” she said. “The Nine of Pentacles refers to your independence. It’s good to be independent, but it’s also possible that you have an issue, with it.”

“An issue?”

“I make that surmise, based on where it appears, in your spread—as a challenge.”

“I see.”

“The next card is the outcome you might expect, if you take your reading to heart. Ah, that’s very good– Temperance. It’s a card of harmony and integration of body and spirit. It’s also integration of the tangible with the intangible. All round satisfaction, in other words.”

“Sounds like perfection,” Lisa said, with evident skepticism.

“Not at all. Satisfaction isn’t the same as perfection. I can’t think of anything less satisfying than absolute perfection.

“I suppose you have a point, there,” Lisa admitted. “What do I owe–”

“On the house, in place of the tea leaves,” Amanda waved it away. “So, how goes my sister’s quest in the war of the rats?”

“She’s crushing it. I can’t believe how many she’s caught.” Lisa paused, then said, “You know, I found that grotto, this morning.”

“What did you think of it?”

“It is a nice, peaceful place. Kelly told me she used to camp out there, when she was a kid, with her friends.”

“It was always very popular, back in the day.”

“What about the tree, at the end of the main trail? I don’t imagine it’s very popular.”

“Not anymore, no. I think the congregation from St. Brigid’s used it as a picnic spot—that’s what I’ve heard, anyway.”

“Seems unlikely, unless the whole congregation liked to hike.”

“There’s an easier route, that comes around the other side of that tree. It used to be wide enough for wagons and buggies.”

Lisa sat back, in her chair. Of course there was. She’d bet her dog that it was the wide trail that led up to and past her well and pump. It would be farther in distance, but what would that matter, on a charming day for a buggy ride? “What do you know about the tree?” she asked Amanda.

“Well, I’ve seen it, of course. And, I don’t like it. It’s tainted, and so is the clearing around it.”

“Did you ever see the plaque?”

“We used to argue about it, when we were younger. Was that the name of the tree? Was it the name of someone who planted the tree? Was it a mocking reference to a real person? A serious tribute? No one seemed to know, for certain, though I have to say it isn’t likely that anyone actually planted the tree, and that notion always got pooh-poohed.”

“Did you ever see anything other than the obvious?”

“I’ve heard claims that it was a hanging tree, but I’ve never seen any spectral evidence, if that’s what you mean. I doubt those stories, too. This is Georgia. If there’s a hanging tree, it’s usually located near the historical site of a courthouse. There’s nothing like that, in town. I don’t even know if hanging was a method of execution, here. Of course, that doesn’t rule out lynching.”

“So, Judge Lovejoy,” Liam opened, as they sat down to their take-out fried chicken, that evening. “He existed, and for what it’s worth, your deputy friend is telling the truth, about being his great great grandson. I did a little genealogy work, on the side. Anyway, he was known for being a fair judge, but he didn’t cut any slack, when it came to sentences. When he sentenced you to time, you actually did the time. He was a pillar of the community, of course.”

“Of course,” Lisa echoed.

Liam chewed a mouthful of drumstick, before continuing. “No, really. People liked the guy. He was reelected several times, did a lot of philanthropic work, in the community, and of course, he was big in the church.”

“Do you know if he handed out many death sentences?”

“I think he had a few, but fewer than I would have expected. He was more inclined to sentence life at hard labor. I can’t say if that’s better, or worse, for some offenses. What did you ladies come up with?”

“Well, Janice found out that males of the Lovejoy line didn’t live particularly long,” Lisa said.

“Only those males with the name, though,” Janice clarified. The sons of Lovejoy’s daughters did just fine, at least, from the 1960’s onward. Of course, we don’t know how they fared, earlier.”

“Why not?” Liam asked

“Because, Brother Liam, the earlier books are just too fragile to be moved by anyone other than an expert.”

“Oh. Right. I forgot you’re working with physical originals.”

“I’d be willing to bet it’s the same story, though,” Janice continued. “I believe in curses.”

“That’s kind of a leap, don’t you think?” Liam teased.

“Res ipsa loquitur—the thing speaks for itself. Males of the Lovejoy clan had a habit of not living past twenty-seven, tops. If that doesn’t hint at a curse, I don’t know what does,” Janice insisted.

“You imbibed too much Lou’siana voodoo, in your childhood,” Liam scoffed.

“Darlin’ you don’t know the half of it. Should we show him our little short film now, Lisa?”

“You think he deserves to see it?”

“No, but let’s show him, anyway. See if he scoffs at that.”

Lisa nodded toward her laptop. “It should still be open. The PIN to wake it up is 2525.”

Janice picked up the laptop, logged in on the PIN, and placed the laptop in Liam’s lap, before hitting ‘start’, to play the file.

The evolution of expression on Liam’s face, as he watched, was comical and delicious. He was shocked, at first, then incredulous, then fascinated, and finally startled, when the statue flew through the air, toward the phone’s camera. However, it was the voice, that made him nearly jump out of his shoes.

“Oh, hell no!” he exclaimed, even as he restarted the file, to watch it, again. He watched it play through, without further comment. When it was done, he closed the laptop, and eyed Lisa soberly. “Now, this is exactly what I warned you about.”

“I know. Who would have guessed it would have that kind of physical strength?”

“And you,” he scowled at Janice. “What do you mean, by grabbing your phone, to record it, like some Gen Z TikTok content creator?”

“Well, at the time, I was thinking ‘citizen journalist’,” Janice retorted. “Tell me you don’t think it’s amazing footage. Besides, we ducked. He missed.”

“He,” Liam repeated.

“It was definitely a ‘he’,” Lisa nodded. “Spitting mad, too. He does not like the statue. I can’t imagine why not. It’s an angel, for Pete’s sake.”

“It’s an idol, to him, maybe. You did put it on the altar,” Liam pointed out.

“I… didn’t consider that,” Lisa admitted. “I guess I should move it.”

“Why bother?” Liam said. “Looks like he can move it, himself. But, if I were you, I’d try to stay out of the line of fire, the next time. Better, still, just stay out—both of you.”

“Can’t do that,” Lisa replied, taking back her laptop. “If it’s a fish or cut bait situation, I think I’ll fish a while longer. If this entity doesn’t want the angel on the altar, that passionately, I’ll move it. I only replaced it, to make a point. But now I see there might be a real reason to put it somewhere else.”

Janice began chuckling. “Probably a good thing it wasn’t a pyramid, like that one,” she indicated the carving on the coffee table. He might have really lost his mind, over that.”

“Lisa, why don’t you ‘cut bait’, as you put it? It’s probably not too late to break even, on the place.”

“You’re singing a different tune,” she observed. “What happened to all the people who learn to coexist with their ghosts?”

“I also qualified that by saying that you don’t want to mess with any entity that can manipulate matter, remember?”

“I’m not selling, and I’m not giving up. It’s not in the cards.”

Janice and Liam had just gone, and Lisa was clearing up the last of the dinner things, when she was surprised by a knock at her door. She turned off the hot water in the sink, and snatched up a dishtowel. She was still drying her hands, when she opened the door.

To her great surprise, Amanda and Lila were on her doorstep. Lisa invited them in, and offered them seats, then took one, herself.

“We’ve come as supplicants,” Amanda opened.

“What can I do for you?” Lisa asked, with a puzzled smile.

“We, our group, would like your permission to use the grotto, tomorrow evening, for our Samhain celebration,” Lila said.

“Your group. I’m guessing that’s all the ladies that were in the shop, this afternoon?”

“Yes,” Amanda confirmed. “You see, we’ve been using it, for years. Technically, it was trespassing, I suppose, but there was no one here, to object.”

“And we would never pollute the area, in any way,” Lila added.

“Well, I’m not absolutely certain it’s on my property,” Lisa said.

“Even if it’s not, the only access to it, is,” Amanda pointed out. “We have a plan B, if you’d rather not have us here.”

“A plan B?” Lisa raised an eyebrow.

The other two women laughed. “We have a second choice in a site, for the celebration,” Amanda explained. “The grotto is just our first choice, that’s all.”

“Tell me the truth now. You two are here, to represent your coven, aren’t you?”

Amanda grinned. “I thought that was understood.”

“Then, why be euphemistic? Never mind. I would like to know, though, what this rite or ritual of yours would entail. Because, if it’s about raising the dead on Halloween, no, thanks. I have all of the raised dead around here that I can deal with, and then some.”

“It’s nothing like that,” Lila said, shaking her head. “Samhain marks the beginning of the year, for us. Our rituals vary a bit, from year to year, but this year, we’re focusing on setting our intentions, for the year to come. Both our personal intentions, and the intentions of the group. You may join us, if you like.”

“Of course,” Amanda backed her up. “We don’t usually allow any outsiders, in our smaller rites, but on pagan high holy days, we welcome invited guests. Do come—you’ll have fun.”

“I’d have to think that one over,” Lisa replied, amused.

“The invitation stands, even if you don’t want us to use the grotto,” Lila said. “If you see what we’re about, maybe you’ll have a different thought, in the future.”

“I’m betting there’s fire, involved.”

“Four torches, a campfire, and a few odd candles, yes.”

“We always pack fire extinguishers,” Amanda informed her. “Burning up the woods is not part of the ceremony. Plus, we clear all the leaves and cones and needles out of the area, to help avoid any accidents with fire.”

“What about…spiritual residue?”

“Energy is called up, yes. Not actual spirits. At the end of the ritual, that energy is released, to return to whence it came, unless it’s to be utilized for protection, and the like. I promise you,” Lila’s grey eyes were serious, “it’s not like the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, when control is lost, and problems multiply. On the whole, it’s all very tame.”

“Why do it, then?” Lisa asked.

“To acknowledge the passage of time and the cycles of the seasons. To honor the rhythms of the earth, and to see ourselves within that framework.”

“And because it’s a blast,” Amanda added, with her disarming grin.

Lisa considered it. “All right,” she said, at last. “I can’t swear to ownership of the grotto, but I do give you permission to use my property for access.”

“Excellent!” Lila exclaimed. “Will you come?”

“I doubt it. But, thanks for the invitation.”

“We’ll talk her into it,” Amanda addressed her friend. “Lisa’s as curious as Eve, herself.”