Amateur Hour

Soon after they left, Lisa installed Tuck on the sofa, and hastily washed up the few plates and cups, except for the two mugs she and Tuck had used. She refilled them with the remains of the coffee in the pot, instead.

“Now,” she said, sitting down next to him, “how do you really feel?”

“Oh, like my Dad’s old Chevy, I guess. A little beat up, but I still have a few more miles left.”

“I think you should call Toni and tell her you’re spending the night here, take one of your pain pills, and borrow my bed, for the night.”

“Do you, now?”

“I don’t much like the mental picture I get of you trying to manage your stairs, tonight.”

“Wasn’t going to. I figured I’d sleep on the living room couch. It’s plenty long enough.”

“Well, this one’s long enough for me. I can’t offer you anything near as nice as your guest room, but it’s a port in a storm. I presume you still have your civvies in your car, somewhere?”

“I don’t want to put you out of your bed.”

“Shut up, and give me your keys.” When he hesitated, she held out her hand.

“Black gym bag, passenger seat,” he said. “I’ll do it, this once, because I could really use one of those pills.”

“I thought so. You look a little strained, from the pain. And, don’t worry about your gentleman points, for the day. I owe you one, after all.”

“If you pay me back, I still get the points, but lose the little gold star,” he chuckled.

Lisa extracted Tuck’s bag, from the passenger seat off his Jeep, and turned to look once more at the string of lights marking the trail to the grotto. Sure enough, they were all still there. She wondered if the Silver Chalice Gang would retrieve them all, on their way back down the hill, or if they would collect them sometime, tomorrow. Were they still up there, partying, by now? She shivered a little in the light sweater she had thrown on, for this short errand. It seemed pretty cold for an outdoor party, to her. But, with a good campfire, maybe not.

She thumbed the door lock and closed it, then made her way back to the much warmer indoors. For just a moment the light breeze died, and she thought she could hear feminine laughter, drifting down toward her. Lisa smiled and shook her head, before stepping back inside.

Tuck was where she had left him, just ending his call home to Toni.

“Did she know you’d been hurt, on the job?” she asked.

“Yeah, I called her right away, about that. I didn’t want someone else to do it, and scare her half to death. Then, I called later, to tell her I was heading over here for a while. It’s a hell of a note, when the situation goes from your kids reporting their whereabouts to you, to you reporting your whereabouts to them.” He shook his head, smiling a little.

“Do you want some water, for your pills?”

“Nope. I can take ’em just fine with the coffee.”

“Okay. I’ll just change the bed, then. It won’t take a minute. Want me to leave your bag in the bedroom, or do you need anything out of it, right now?”

“There’s no rush, you know. I’m kind of a night owl, on my schedule.”

“Tell me that, when the Percocet kicks in,” she scoffed lightly. She held the bag slightly aloft, as an implied repetition of her question.

“In the bedroom is fine, thank you, Bossy Boots.”

“Take your medicine,” she retorted, then sauntered off, with his bag.

It didn’t take her long to strip and remake the bed. She also added a fresh folded towel and washcloth, on top of the comforter, by the bag. As an afterthought, she placed an unopened bar of Toni’s soap, in its artisanal packaging, on top of those. Surveying her handiwork, she thought that all that was missing was a crème de menthe chocolate, on the pillow. Before she left, she eyeballed the space for any obstacles that might trip up a man on crutches. Satisfied that there were none, she returned to the living room.

“That was quick,” Tuck remarked.

“Well, everything is just right there,” she shrugged. “I didn’t bring much with me, so what I brought isn’t hard to lay my hands on.”

“You didn’t bring anything to make the couch up,” he pointed out.

“No, I didn’t, did I?” she frowned at herself. “Well, I’ll just grab the stuff I took off the bed, and bring it out here, in a bit. When you’re ready to turn in,” she added.

Tuck nodded, and the quiet spun out between them, for a moment. “So,” he said, at last, “you’re getting a brand new sister-in-law.”

“Looks that way, doesn’t it? Well, I guess it’s high time. I never really had my heart set on Liam remaining a bachelor. I mean, he’s very nerdy, but come on. Turns out, all he needed was to find the right goofball.” She chuckled a little, shaking her head.

“Oh, I don’t know. Janice seems very nice.”

“Well, of course you would like her. She appeals to your vanity.”

“Vanity? I’m the soul of humility, Miss Miles. Surely, you don’t hold it against her that she’s got a playful spirit?” He eyed her with a sober face and laughing eyes.

“Nah. Not much. I’m actually terrified that she might be growing on me.”

“You’re as much a curmudgeon as she is a goofball, which is to say, not much. It’s pretty clear to me that she adores your brother.”

“She must, if she puts up with that disreputable dog—Spike, I mean—not Liam. Liam doesn’t pee on her shoes. Spike does.”

“Well, that settles it, then. It must be love,” Tuck laughed. “It can’t be dislike, on Spike’s part. He spent half the evening, at her feet.”

“Weird, isn’t it? Evidently, there’s no health reason—that was Liam’s first worry. He snatched Spike up, and took him to the vet, the second time it happened.”

“Maybe he smells another dog, on her shoes. It could be as simple as that.”

“Well, if Gil ever starts that nonsense, he’ll be looking for a new home.”

“Sure. Of course, he will.” Tuck smothered a yawn, tightening his jaw.

“I saw that,” Lisa said. “Let me grab my bedding and a pillow, then you’re off to bed.”

“Aw, can’t I stay up, just a little longer?”

“Nope. It’s bedtime. And, no reading comic books, under the covers, either.”

Lisa was one of those happy individuals who could sleep almost anywhere, so she was out, the minute her head hit the pillow. When she woke, the sun was up, and she smelled coffee. It would have been a dark miracle, if she hadn’t, since the cup was nearly under her nose. She sat up, and stretched. Tuck was seated on a kitchen chair, opposite her, reading something on his tablet.

He looked over the top of it at her, and smiled. “Good morning,” he said.

“Morning. You’ve been up, for a while.” She noted that he was freshly changed into his civvies from the morning before, and his hair was damp. “Did you have any trouble, navigating the shower?”

“Not a bit. I like the mat you put in there. It doesn’t slip, at all. There were one or two hairy moments, balancing on the crutches, but I managed.”

“Come over here, and sit,” she invited him. “I’ve really got to get some more chairs, in here.”

He obliged, gimping his way over the short distance to the sofa, while she reached for his cup, and pulled it over to her side of the coffee table.

“I reckon you never figured on having as much company as you’ve had, lately.”

“Hmph– company seen and unseen. I didn’t hear a thing, last night. Did you?”

“Nothing. I slept like a rock.”

He settled next to her, and sat back to prop his leg up on the table, with an apologetic look.

“Would you like a cushion, to elevate it a little more?” she offered.

“I’m fine, thanks. Just happy that I’m not wearing a pair of socks with a hole in them.” He wiggled his toes, as if to emphasize the point.

“So am I,” Lisa grinned. “The knee must be pretty tender this morning, though.”

“A little. It’s not the first time I’ve sprained it. And once you’ve had it happen, it’s likely to happen again. The ligaments get stretched.”

“Maybe you should ice it.”

“Later, maybe. It doesn’t look too swollen. They iced it down, yesterday and the hot water felt good, this morning. Don’t worry—I’ll let you know if I need ice. Drink your coffee, and try not to fuss.”

“I’ve got to take Gil out, soon,” she said, then yawned.

“He’s not tap dancing at the door, yet.”

“I envy you, having a place for your dog to just run. Even if Gil has enough sense to stay clear of the road, which I doubt, I can’t just let him run roughshod over the graves, out there. As it is, I’m glad winter is coming, to keep some of the weeds down, around them. Tell me the truth—do you think the presence of a boneyard is going to be bad for the book trade?”

Tuck considered it. “Not really,” he said, at last. “Although, you could always reconsider your choice of a name, for the business. I kind of like Last Chance Books.”

“You’re a beast,” she sputtered into her coffee. “What an image!”

“Seriously, though—you might want to put up some kind of barrier between the store and the gravesites. Maybe a three-foot chain link fence, if you can afford it. As you’ve said, you don’t know what kind of condition they’re in, underground.”

“True. Having someone fall into the ground could be damaging to business.” Lisa sighed, thinking about all that remained to do, before she could think about opening her doors.

“Hey,” he patted her knee. “It’s not an impossible task. Besides, you’re developing community connections, already. I don’t doubt you’ll meet someone who knows someone who does fencing, at a good rate. Look at you—you already have the local constabulary in your pocket,” he teased.

“Who got me a hell of a good exterminator, who introduced me, in a way, to the local witches. How does that end, I wonder,” she laughed. “Maybe I should snag Amanda or Lila, and ask them about fencing contractors.”

“You might do worse. They’ve both been in the community, for a long time.”

As it turned out, it was Lila who snagged Lisa an hour later, when she was walking Gil, but the topic of fencing didn’t come up. They met as Lisa was moving in her customary direction toward the back of the lot, and Lila was scrambling down the hill with a good sized sack. The sack looked bumpy and awkward, but not heavy, and truth be told, Lila moved well, for an older lady.

“The last of the lights,” Lila explained, when her feet were on flatter ground.

“I take it everything went well last night, then,” Lisa said, smiling. “I thought I heard you all laughing, at one point.”

“Oh, we had a whale of a good time,” Lila agreed. “We were sorry you couldn’t make it, but you had company, of course. We saw them drive up, as we were going up the hill. Tuck stayed late, didn’t he?” She arched a grey eyebrow over one of her blue eyes.

Of course, Lisa found herself blushing, yet again.

“Am I already the topic of local gossip?” she asked, with an abashed laugh.

“Hardly,” Lila grinned. “I just can’t resist teasing younger people.”

“Well, as it happens, Tuck hurt his knee, yesterday. He stayed over, after taking a pain pill.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it’s nothing serious.”

“A sprain.”

“Apple cider vinegar and arnica. Both applied topically. They’re both anti-inflammatory, and arnica improves blood circulation, too. Mandy has some great arnica cream, at her shop, but you can almost certainly find it at any health food store, and some pharmacies, too.”

“I’ll tell him.”

Lila actually tsked, at this. “You intend to trust a wounded warrior to tend to himself?”

“Well, I haven’t adopted him, for heaven’s sake. He has a home, and people, too.”

“Maybe you should. Or, at least share custody. He’s a good fella. I used to babysit him, when he was a wee thing. One of the sweetest little boys you could care to meet. He turned out well, too. Married a nice girl, joined the Sheriff’s Department… You could adopt worse.”

“Lila! You barely know me!” Lisa objected.

The older woman only smiled, indulgently.

“What was his wife like?” Lisa ventured to ask.

“A lot like Toni, I would say. She’s the image of Patty, and has a lot of her mannerisms. Pat was kind and prudent, and loved to make things, especially if they were useful things. She had a broad practical streak.”

“Did she quilt, by any chance?” Lisa asked, remembering the pretty one she had slept under, at Tuck’s house.

“She did,” Lila nodded. “Sold a few, too. Toni’s homegrown soap business reminds me of her mother.”

“Hmm… no wonder Tuck doesn’t seem to be troubled by the notion of business women.”

“Oh, he’s an active supporter. Like I said, he turned out, well. Losing Patty didn’t quite ruin him, but of course it put a damper on him. He’s gotten sunnier, since he met you, though. It’s nice to see.”

“Well…” Lisa trailed off, feeling a bit awkward. Then, something occurred to her. “Say, Lila—did you by any chance know Sophie Dixon? The rector’s wife?”

Lila shifted the bag a bit. “I really need to get these into the car. Walk with me,” she invited.

“Of course,” Lisa assented, unconsciously casting her eyes around for any sight of Gil.

“I’m sure he’s fine, dear,” Lila said, and began to stroll toward her weather beaten blue Volkswagen van. “I did know Sophie,” she said, as they walked. “She was a friend of my mother’s, though there was quite a difference in their ages. Sophie was the older of the two, by about ten years, or so. You see, we were poor, not to put too fine a point on it. Sophie was very active in that kind of church outreach. Mama never did allow herself to be recruited into the congregation, not that Sophie was much of a recruiter.” Lila shook her head, pondering this. “Not much of a recruiter, at all,” she mused.

Lisa held her peace, waiting. She wasn’t disappointed.

“The fact is,” Lila continued, “the longer they knew each other, the more interested Sophie became, in Mama’s religion. Enough so, that she would occasionally join us, in our celebrations.” She glanced at Lisa and laughed softly, at her shocked look.

“Oh, yes,” she went on, “Sophie had a much livelier mind and more accepting spirit than that cold man she married. He blamed her, you see, because they had no children, of their own. The more he rejected her, the more she was drawn to people who liked her for who she was, and not for what they expected her to give them. Anyway—her death was a double tragedy. She wasn’t supposed to be home, that night. I expect you already know that.”

“I’d heard it, yes. Was she supposed to be with…”

“Us, yes. It was Beltane. I remember it seemed perfect—Rich was out of town, and it would have been no problem for Sophie to have slipped off to join us, but she came down with a case of summer cold. I suppose she took something for it that made her drowsy, and went to bed.” Lila sighed heavily, and loaded her sack into the backseat of the van. “Rich Dixon was a womanizer, and no earthly good to anyone, if you ask me,” she closed the door firmly, not quite slamming it.

“So, she was murdered by another woman’s husband?”

“No, by another woman’s brother. It was the seventies, but this is still the Bible Belt. Family honor was still a thing—still is, in fact. His name was Jake Davies, and Rich had tarnished the honor of his sister, Josie. Always beware of men and their concept of honor, Lisa.” Lila opened the driver’s door, and climbed in. The engine failed twice, then turned over, wheezing and rattling. Lila gave her a small salute, and drove away.

Liam and Janice were coming up the front walk, laden with various bags and bundles of their own, when Lisa walked around. She had to give Gil a small hiss of warning, as the sight of his new buddy, Spike, made him want to tug just a little too hard on his leash. This time, it was Spike who was prancing around, off leash, all but glued to Janice’s heels. Lisa was afraid he’d trip her up, but she dodged him with ease, despite the bags she carried.

“Something smells good,” she remarked, when they were in earshot.

“Breakfast from Ken’s,” Janice announced. “That’s the name of the place you and Tucker like, isn’t it?”

“The very one,” Lisa confirmed, pausing to open the door.

“We just ordered bacon, eggs, grits and toast for four,” Liam said. “They put it in four big containers, for us to dole out, buffet style. And, as you can see, Janice has been shopping.”

He made this last sound like a proclamation of doom. Janice made a face at him, while Lisa tried not to laugh. While Lisa had been out, Tuck had divided up the remaining coffee, and put a fresh pot on to brew.

“As if he didn’t help me pick out every item,” Janice remarked. “I don’t know a whole lot about the stuff I bought, as far as what it should cost, but we escaped for under two hundred bucks. I’ve had salon visits that costed more.”

“What on earth did you get?” Lisa demanded. Liam uttered a snort, as he began removing food from bags and setting it out on the coffee table.

“She got ghost hunting equipment,” he said.

“Ghost hunting equipment?” Tuck spoke up, for the first time. “There’s equipment, for that?”

“There is,” Janice said, taking a seat in the kitchen chair Tuck usually occupied. “No, don’t move, Sugar. I’m fine, right here, and you should probably keep that knee propped up. There is equipment for it, but that’s not what I got, technically.”

“Well, break it out, Jan—you know you’re dying to,” Liam teased her, even as he filled a plate for her.

“I am,” she confessed with a grin. She reached into her own plastic bag and produced the first small box. “I got an EMF meter, to monitor any fluctuations in the surrounding electromagnetic field. Ghosts supposedly cause such–”

“Disturbances in the Force,” Liam finished the sentence, in his best Darth Vader impersonation.

“Oh, hush!” Janice chided him, none too harshly. “That’s true, but an EMF meter can also be used to measure leakage from household electronics. Next, we have an infrared thermometer. Remember how the temperature dropped, in the sanctuary, just before the Judge appeared, Lisa? With this, we could see the drop, before we ever feel it.”

“And, hopefully, run like hell,” Tuck said.

“Not in Janice’s plans, I’m afraid,” Liam replied. “There’s more.”

“Digital recorder,” Janice held up the small box, before handing it off to Tuck to examine before it made the rounds, like the other items before it. “Also a handy and reusable gadget. Now, for the crown jewel.” From the bottom of the bag, she extracted another box. “Digital camcorder. I’ve always wanted one, and now I have an excuse. It has an infrared setup and everything.”

“That must have been pricey,” Tuck said, reading all of the details on the box.

“Not really. It’s shocking how little they cost now, compared to when they first came out on the market,” Liam said, surprising them all. “I’m more disgusted with how much we had to pay for the batteries for all of this stuff. That’s what’s left in the bag—batteries.”

“And a tripod for the camcorder,” Janice added. “I thought about getting some kind of a trigger object, too, but I didn’t know what might work.”

“He seemed pretty triggered by the angel,” Tuck observed, in a dry tone.

“That’s true, and it’s not really what we want,” Janice acknowledged. “The point is to interest a ghost, not annoy it. Sometimes toys and dolls are used, to attract the ghosts of children, for example. I just don’t know enough about the Judge to know what he would find intriguing.”

“So, you want to set all of this up in the sanctuary, I suppose,” Lisa said.

“Yes,” Janice nodded. “It occurred to me that the only way we’re going to find out anything relevant about him and his haunting, is to ask him.”

“Do you think you know how?” Lisa countered.

“Well, I’ve watched enough ghost hunting shows to know how not to do it. I’ll never get over how ham fisted some professionals are. You can’t go in there, all impertinent and unprepared. If you wouldn’t get lippy with a Judge who is alive, why would you expect that to fly with one who isn’t?”

Lisa chewed on that one, for a moment, along with a strip of bacon. She thought Janice had a point. An excellent point, in fact. If any such interview with the Judge were really going to take place, she would like to have a list of specific things to ask him.

“Can’t argue with that logic,” Tuck said. “Most of the judges I know prefer that everyone be prepared. “I suppose you want to do this at midnight, or close to it.”

“Goodness, no,” Janice exclaimed. “The Judge doesn’t seem to be a night owl. Afternoon seems to be more his time. That’s when Lisa experienced the smoke, and when she and I saw the apparition.”

“It’s the soldiers who manifest at night,” Lisa agreed. “And Jake Davies.”

“Who?” the others chorused.

Lisa shook her head at herself. “Lila dropped that one in my lap. According to her, he was the shooter in the rectory murder. It seems the pastor had, or was thought to have had some kind of affair with Davies’ sister. Davies shot Sophie Dixon, thinking she was Richard.” She went on to explain the story as told to her by Lila, this morning. “So all of the players in that mystery are identified, at least,” she finished. “Will you be wanting to set up for this experiment today, Janice?”

“If I can figure out how to work all of this stuff, yeah,” Janice nodded.

“You don’t have to figure out all of it,” Tuck pointed out. “There are four of us, after all. Choose your weapon, Janice.”

“In that case, I’ll take the camcorder,” she volunteered, with a smile.

“Four of us?” Lisa frowned. “Do you think it’s a good idea for you to participate in this, with your knee in the shape it’s in?”

“I have my radio. I can call for backup. What? Do you think I’m going to run from a smoke ghost?”

“You’re the one who suggested ‘run like hell’ as an option, earlier,” Lisa pointed out.

“I didn’t mean me. I’m a big tough cop.”

“You plan to bust him and drag him downtown?” Liam grinned.

“For trespass and disorderly conduct, too, if he decides to chuck anything else at the ladies,” Tuck laughed. “But prior to that, I’ll just be keeping an eye on this thermometer.”

“Lisa had better handle the voice recorder,” Liam said. “I imagine she’ll be the one asking most of the questions.” He picked up the box with the EMF meter and set about unboxing it, and studying the instructions.

By the time breakfast was over, they were all poring over their selected pieces of equipment, and trying them out. Of all of them, Janice had the most fun. She had a gift for capturing on camera everything that everyone else would rather not have recorded for posterity. Tuck, grumbling swears under his breath, as he struggled to put tiny batteries in the thermometer with his huge fingers, was her first victim. She also caught Lisa slipping Spike a bite of bacon, when Gil wasn’t looking. She was there with her camera, when Liam managed to dump coffee on his lap, while trying not to drop the EMF meter.

“Put that down, you demented paparazzo!” Liam scowled at her. To her credit, however, Janice was ready with a paper towel, when he growled.

“Grouch,” she laughed. “It wasn’t very hot, was it, honey?”

“No,” he admitted. “But, I’m going to adjourn to the table, so I don’t risk dropping this thing. It should be able to take a knock or two, but there’s no sense in pushing it. Sorry I snapped, Jan.”

“It’s okay. I was getting carried away with my new toy. On the other hand, I knew the coffee wasn’t that hot, because I was shooting you in infrared,” she added with a grin.

“Let me see,” Lisa urged.

Janice set the camera for playback and handed it to her.

“Oh, that’s too nifty,” Lisa said, admiring the clip. “I reckon ghosts show up at a much cooler temperature than we do?”

“That’s the way it is, on TV,” Janice shrugged. “I guess we’ll see.”

Tuck uttered a little chuff of laughter.

“Now, what?” Janice demanded, pretending outrage.

“You’re like one of my horses. When she gets too frisky before a trail ride, we have to run her a little, before she can settle down.”

Liam howled with laughter, from the dining table. Lisa smothered her own chuckle behind her hand. “What Tuck left out is that she’s his fastest horse, and everyone wants to take her out. His daughter and his son-in-law actively squabble over the privilege,” she said. “Don’t listen to them, Janice.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Janice declared, unfazed. “Though, Tuck might have a bit of a point. I don’t need to be entering on a serious endeavor with a too-playful vibe. Better I get it out of my system, I suppose. Have you thought about things you might want to ask the Judge, Lisa?”

“A few. Nothing seems to top, ‘Why in hell are you still hanging around?’ I don’t mean to phrase it quite like that, of course. Naturally, I mean to try to find out how much of a part he had in hanging those Union boys. Really, though– it’s hard to find a way to put questions that are bound to be considered offensive. Everything sounds like an accusation.”

“Pro tip,” Tuck spoke up. “Always address him as ‘Your Honor’. Judges are real sticklers, for that one. Channel your inner Perry Mason—I know for a fact that you have one.”

Lisa cringed a little, remembering the first time he had accused her of being Perry Mason. She rose from the sofa and walked over to the window by Liam. Looking out, she saw that Kelly had arrived.

“Kelly’s here,” she said. “You guys mind if I step out and talk to her?”