Amateur Hour

Lisa was poring over the information Toni had sent to her, via email, when the dogs alerted her that the others had returned. She shushed them, before they could wake Tuck, who had fallen asleep, on the sofa.

Janice stepped in, opened her mouth to say something, saw Tuck, where he was stretched out on the couch, then stepped back out. She needn’t have bothered– the quiet entry of the rest of the party was still enough to wake the sleeping man.

“I just got him down, for a nap,” Lisa joked, as Tuck sat up, trying to shake off his opioid induced snooze.

“Sorry,” Janice said.

“How’d it go?” Tuck asked, waving off the apology, with a yawn.

“He was there, we got him, and now we all need showers,” Will summed it up.

“We’d best get him into the box, then,” Tuck said, rising to his feet, less than steadily. Not you,” he told Lisa when she started to stand up.

“Because I’m so fragile?”

“No—because you appear to be busy, right now, and it’s a two-man job, at most.” He looked exasperated.

“Cranky, when you first wake up, aren’t you? I guess that means Liam and Janice are excused, too?”

“It does. You two have gone above and beyond, today,” he said, turning to them. I can’t tell you how much it means, and how much I appreciate it.”

“We’re glad to help,” Liam replied. “Can’t say we couldn’t both use a bath, though. Janice will be an hour, at least, just restoring her nails.”

Janice elbowed him, in the ribs, maybe just a bit more sharply than necessary. Lisa could see that see that she was worn out, and her good nature was finally beginning to ebb. On the one hand, it was good to know that it wasn’t bottomless; on the other, she was concerned.

“Get cleaned up, and get some rest,” she advised. “You two have more than earned it. Maybe we should plan on getting together for lunch or something, tomorrow.” It felt like too little, but she didn’t know what else to say.

“Dinner, tomorrow,” Tuck counter proposed. “On me, of course. It’s the least I can do.”

“Sold,” Liam grinned.

Janice summoned Spike, and snapped his leash on him, and the three of them took their leave. Moments later, Lisa found herself alone, as Tuck and Will had gone to see to the Judge’s remains. She returned her attention to Toni’s research results. She was still reading, and taking notes, when Tuck returned, alone.

“All finished?” she asked.

“All finished. I sent Will home.” He made his way to the sink, and proceeded to wash his hands, with a squirt of dish soap. “We wore gloves, but… He was wrapped in some nasty oilcloth. I mean to burn it, tomorrow, along with the fake casket that was in the grave.”

“I hope you wore masks, too.”

“We did. Will had some good ones, in the truck.” He turned to the coffee pot on the stove, took a peek inside, then lit the burner under it, before coming to sink in the chair opposite Lisa.

“Was it terrible?”

“It wasn’t nice, but I’ve seen worse.” He reached across, to grasp her hand, briefly. “What did Toni have to offer?”

“Some answers, which led to more questions, of course,” Lisa smiled. “Beatrice Lovejoy, nee Walton, was Noah’s first wife.”

Tuck uttered a low whistle. “Now, that sounds like a can of worms.”

“Exactly. One answer, spawning a multitude of questions that we may never be able to answer. All we do know is that it caused bad blood, between two brothers—as if there wasn’t enough of that, already.” She glanced at the coffee pot, and saw steam beginning to rise from the spout.

“May I?” he asked, indicating her note pad, as she rose.

“Go for it–for what any of it is worth,” she shrugged.

Tuck read, while she got their coffee. Lisa grimaced at the grey color in her cup, when she added creamer. The coffee was well past its prime, but she supposed it was better than nothing.

“You look beat,” she said, when he set the notes aside.

“Not really, but I am sleepy. The damned pills work, but they don’t leave me fit for much.”

“You know you’re welcome to stay.”

“No. I can’t keep conking out here,” he grimaced.

“I’ll drive you home, then. It’s not far, and Will or Toni can bring you back for your Jeep, tomorrow,” Lisa offered, in her most reasonable tone.

He thought about it. “Okay,” he agreed, surprising her. “I think I am too drowsy to drive.”

Coming back up the walk from the quick drop-off, Lisa spotted it, on her porch railing. “You again!” she exclaimed, under her breath, at the red travel mug. Will must have put it there, of course, before he left. Evidently, she had been to distracted to notice it earlier, as she and Tuck were leaving.

She snatched it up, and, on entering the house, stalked directly to the kitchen to toss it into the trash can. After that, she turned to the other nightly tasks: clearing up miscellaneous cups and dishes to be washed in the morning, shutting down her computer, and lastly, a walk with Gil.

When she reentered the house, she had a vague feeling of someone having been there, in her absence. She gazed around herself, just inside the threshold, trying to figure out what was out of place. Gil didn’t seem concerned. He trotted over to his water dish, as usual, and lapped noisily at it. Lisa glanced at him, slowly pushing the door closed behind her. She was about to dismiss the feeling as overwrought nerves, when she saw it.

The red mug was sitting on the kitchen table, next to her notepad and computer. Lisa closed her eyes tightly, then opened them again. It was still there.

She had locked the door behind herself, when she took Gil out. She always locked the door, at night, coming or going. Cautiously, she swept the house, searching each room, from front to back. Nothing.

She sat down in the rocker, to ponder. The Judge was able to move objects, but he’d never presented in her house, before. The house hadn’t existed, in his time. There was no anchor for him, here. If she didn’t know better, she would suspect Liam of one of his more questionable pranks.

She dismissed that thought, almost immediately. Liam liked a laugh, but he wasn’t into shaking people to the core. Lisa smiled a little, wondering if Janice would retaliate for her sneakers, by some clever assault on Liam’s clodhoppers.

His tracks were plainly visible, near the door, even now. Liam was housebroken enough to wipe his feet, but those treads… The thought trailed off. Liam’s tracks, another large set of vague tracks, that were most likely Will’s and yes– a smaller set, from Janice. All of them had tracked a bit of dirt—grave dirt—in from the Judge’s unofficial resting site. An anchor, if ever there was one.

Before she could think about it, too much, Lisa rose and put on her jacket. She grabbed her flashlight, out of one of the kitchen drawers, and left the house, locking the door, behind her.

The sanctuary was cold, as usual, and silent. It was not, however, empty. Down in front a man sat alone, in one of the front pews, his head bent, in either prayer or contemplation, from the looks of it. He was composed of light, subdued, and greyish, but light, nonetheless.

“You came,” he said, as she drew near. “I knew you’d figure it out.”

Lisa turned off her flashlight. It wasn’t really necessary.

“Is that electrical?” the Judge asked.

“Yes.”

“No wires,” the Judge marveled. “Oh, do sit, my dear. Forgive my rudeness, but I’ve always been fascinated by the latest inventions. I didn’t live long enough to have electric lights in my own home, but I had seen them.”

Lisa sank obediently onto the seat, beside him.

“You look different, when you’re not wearing my brother,” she observed.

It was rude, and she meant it to be, but the Judge just chuckled.

“Not nearly so tall,” he grinned at her, in agreement.

This should have been ghastly, but it wasn’t.

“What can I do for you, Judge?” she asked.

“Not a thing, darlin’. You and yours have done a great deal for me, today. In return, I’d like to do something for you.”

“Oh?”

“Lisa, you are one tough little lady to win over. However, I do have some information that you will want. I found myself drawn to your house, you see, by something you unearthed. Something I treasured greatly, when I was alive.”

“The miniature frame. I’m very sorry the picture is gone,” she added, meaning it.

“No matter. I could never forget her, or her face. Imagine how surprised I was, to be able to enter the building! What I had forgotten, was that I told her. Everything. Who the three men were, their regiment, everything I knew. I asked her to keep that information, for me.”

“In Noah’s own house?”

“Why, yes. Can you think of a less likely place for it to have been? I had my own papers, of course, and there were several attempts to steal them. Noah made a career of trying to find them, in order to destroy them.”

“But, you held your peace, for so many years!”

“He had Beatrice. He made it clear, very clear, that he wasn’t above harming her. The day the war ended, he was as good as a dead man, himself, if I took that story to the Federals. Beatrice was his hostage, ensuring my silence. When she passed…” He trailed off, and turned his translucent face away.

“When she passed away, his hold on you was gone,” Lisa summed it up.

“Yes.”

“Judge, how did she end up married to him?”

“I imagine things are different now, but in my time, a young lady married the man her parents selected for her. Hers were more in favor of a successful merchant, than a traitor to the ‘Cause’. I do hope things are different, now,” he added, facing her again.

“They are,” Lisa smiled.

“Good.”

“But, this information, sir?”

“Ah, yes– After Beatrice’s passing, her maid gave me one of her diaries, as Bea had instructed her. It’s still in the basement, where I hid it. I checked.”

“Why do you suppose you forgot?” Lisa asked, without any malice.

“I think it has something to do with being more complete, now,” the Judge answered, taking the question as she had meant it. “It’s the same reason I’m able to appear on my own, now. But I’m fading, a bit– I feel it. Look in the basement, darlin’. You’ll find it.”

He began to dissipate, and lose form, then. Lisa found herself sitting in pitch blackness.

Tuck’s knocks turned to pounding, when Lisa didn’t answer her door, after the first five minutes. It was 11 am. As far as he knew, it wasn’t like her to sleep so late.

He added his voice to the knocking. “Lisa! Lisa!” he bellowed. “Are you–”

The door flew open, under his knuckles, and there the lady stood, blinking like an owl against the light of the sun, hair skewed in every direction.

“Do you still own a phone?” she demanded.

“Ye–” he began.

“Try that, next time, Deputy. Sheesh!” She yawned, and stepped aside, to admit him.

“Sorry. It’s eleven o’clock, and–”

“Is it? Guess I slept in. Let me get my bearings, and I’ll put on some coffee.”

“Actually, I thought I’d take you to a late breakfast, or an early lunch.” He studied her, gauging how receptive she was, to the idea. She looked more confused than irate, he decided. “Sit. I’ll put on some coffee,” he smiled.

“Do that,” she replied, slouching down onto the couch.

He did, taking occasional surreptitious looks at her, to make sure she wasn’t falling asleep, again. She seemed, however, to be waking up.

“Late night?” he asked, sitting down beside her, at last.

“Thought I’d never get to sleep,” she nodded, and yawned again. “A lot happened, after I got back home.”

She went on to explain, while he listened with undivided attention, even when the coffee finished and he poured out two steaming cups. He didn’t say a word, until her tale was told. She told a good tale, he reflected, complete with dialogue, and visual description.

“I know. It all sounds improbable,” she said.

“It does, which in this particular case, makes it all the more likely,” he smiled, shaking his head, at the irony. He didn’t see any point in telling her that the mug had not been on the porch, when they left, the previous evening. Nor had it been in Will’s truck, this morning. She didn’t seem as rattled as she had been, yesterday, and he preferred to keep it that way.

Instead, he changed the subject. “So– is that a ‘yes’, to lunch?”

“If I can grab a quick shower, first.”

Freshly showered and dressed, Lisa was also wide awake, now. He had no idea what had possessed her to don a calf-length denim skirt and boots, rather than her usual blue jeans but he approved. “You look too pretty to take to Ken’s,” he observed.

“But, that’s where I want to go, Deputy,” she said, with a smile and a blush, for the compliment. “Just as soon as I take Gillie out.”

Ten minutes later, they were on their way to town. As the rode, Tuck reached over to eject the Fleetwood Mac CD from the player, in favor of the radio, but Lisa caught his sleeve, lightly.

“Don’t– I like them.”

Tuck smiled, and took her hand, instead. “What do you have planned, for today?” he asked.

“I thought I’d call at least one of the cleaners Kelly recommended, then a roofing contractor. Maybe that contractor will know someone who can help me set up some kind of outdoor run, for Gillie. It’s Friday, though. I may not even hear back from anyone, until next week.”

“Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

“Really?”

“According to Will, yeah. He’s a Realtor, when he’s not wrangling horses and digging up in-laws. When a property needs repairs, he says the best days to call are Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 3 pm to 5 pm. He doesn’t hire contractors himself, mind you, but he’s plugged in. Want me to ask him for some good roofers?”

“When are you going to get fed up, with bailing me out?” Her tone was serious.

“Not in the foreseeable future,” he shrugged. “It’s kind of a hobby, now.” He shot her a teasing grin, and she smiled, though a little doubtfully.

“I would be happy to take any recommendations, from Will, if he doesn’t mind.”

“He won’t. That’s how local business works. One day, you’ll find yourself handing a customer one of Kelly’s cards, or Will’s.”

“Or Toni’s. I do like that soap.”

He saw her sink back into her seat, with a little smile of pleasure at the thought of having her own business and promoting others. Tuck envied her, a little. He had no solid ideas about his own life after retirement. There were many things he could do. Private investigation was an option. He could open a security firm, and train his own officers. He could also sit on the porch, drink the occasional beer, and go fishing. The last didn’t suit him, as a final option, though. Fishing and beer were for weekends.

“If you were me, what would you do, after you hung up your spurs,” he asked.

“If I were you? I’d add a barn for boarding and training western pleasure horses, and a ring for training riders. Unless, that’s a saturated market, in these parts?” The promptness of her answer surprised him. The answer itself pleased him.

“It’s not. Kind of niche, though, for a business.”

“Well, are you looking to get rich, or to do something fun that keeps you busy?” she countered.

“You really aren’t about the money, are you?” he smiled.

“I guess not,” she admitted, as they pulled into the restaurant parking lot.

“You’re probably asking the wrong person, though,” she continued, after the waitress had taken their order. “You do realize that, right?”

“I’m not so sure about that. What makes you think a boarding and riding stable is a good fit, for me?”

“Aside from the obvious? Well, you do look devastating in a hat, jeans, and boots,” she grinned.

It was Tuck’s turn to blush.

“Seriously?” she sobered a bit. “I can’t see you doing nothing. You’d go nuts. You like horses, and you like being out of doors, when you can. Horses are a lot of work, I know, but you’re vital, and in good health. It just seems like it might work, for you. If you were to decide to open a stable, I’d buy a horse, and board it there. I’d take riding lessons, too. Of course, I’d expect you to go the extra mile, just for me, and help me pick out the horse,” she finished, with a grin.

Their food came, and she let him chew on her words, along with his fried ham. There was no denying it. She really did get him. It was doable, he reflected. It would be very possible, to add a barn and create a riding ring. Heaven knew he already had farriers and vets, already. He could rely on Will, of course, for help—the boy enjoyed horses as much as he did. He felt sure Toni would be on board with such an idea, too.

He would have to have the proper insurance, naturally…

Tuck glanced up, to find Lisa regarding him, over the rim of her juice glass.

“You’re thinking mighty hard there, Deputy,” she said. “Want a real piece of solid advice?”

“Lay it on me.”

“Don’t think about anything so long and so hard that you talk yourself out of it, forever. Revisit it, from time to time.” She saluted him, with her glass, and took a sip.

Tuck returned the salute, with his cup, and likewise took a sip.

“I settled on a casket for the ghost you were chatting with, last night,” he said, swapping topics.

“Did you? Will it be sent from Amazon, via FedEx?”

“Costco, via UPS,” he one-upped, though it was, in fact, coming FedEx from Amazon. “It’s very nice, I think. A period appropriate pine box. It’s lined in satin, though. No doubt the Judge would think it a bit fancy, but I think he deserves it.”

He could see she was thinking about it. At last, she nodded, though.

“Varnished?” She looked hopeful.

Tuck shook his head. “Stained. He would think that excessive, too, I’m sure.”

“You’re probably right. I think the miniature frame should go with him.”

“Absolutely,” Tuck agreed. “These, too,” he reached for his jacket, which he had taken off, and rummaged in an inner pocket, to produce a plastic zip bag, which he passed across the table to Lisa.

She took it willingly enough, though she didn’t open it. He knew she wouldn’t, and there was no need, after all. The contents were plainly visible.

“The pocket watch was a gift from his wife, Margaret, according to the inscription. The ring looks like a mourning ring. The letters engraved on the inside are “BWL”.”

“Beatrice Walton Lovejoy.”

“I think so. Somehow, that flew under Noah’s radar, when he was stripping mementos—the watch probably had a fob or two, and the Judge’s wallet was gone, if he had one. But you see he left mementos, of his own.”

“The coins?”

“The half-dollars, yes. Confederate. Presumably to pay the Ferryman, though they were placed under the skull, where the eyes would have rested.”

Lisa shuddered, handing the bag back. “Noah was one sick ticket, if you ask me. Psychotic and superstitious. No– if you want to add coins, find others; not these.”

“Right. No victory lap, for Noah,” he agreed.

“What are we going to do with that wine,” she asked, “and the other things? I stashed it all on a high shelf, to keep Gil from breaking a bottle.”

“Dump the wine into a hole, smash the bottles, and bury it all. I can’t really imagine turning any of it in, to poison control. They might ask awkward questions. Ditto any hazardous waste facility. The danger is really in the bottles being discovered, and someone drinking the wine. The toxin itself is a natural product. Nature will take care of it.”

Tuck dropped Lisa off, after lunch, and went on his way, but not before hinting again that he liked her outfit, when he kissed her goodbye. He hoped she’d wear it, to dinner. He laughed at himself for being a simple creature, then cranked the volume on Fleetwood Mac.

The news that Liam and Janice would be heading home, the next day wasn’t surprising, but it was melancholy. Lisa wished they had had time for a proper visit, and said as much.

Janice smiled, and gave her shoulders a little squeeze. “No worries, honey,” she said. “It’ll be May, in no time, and you’ll both be coming to the wedding, of course.”

“You’ve set a date, then,” Tuck beamed.

“We’ve set a month,” Liam corrected him. “The date might take a bit of hammering out, still. Janice is ready to wait until the end of the month, when school is out. I’d like to do it earlier, before it gets too hot, for outdoor parties.”

“I just don’t want him to bail on his students, before the school year is out. It’s not fair, to them.”

“Either way,” Liam smiled, “you’ll be getting invitations, well in advance.”

“You could save money, by just making phone calls, you know,” Lisa pointed out.

“Don’t be a killjoy, Lis. I’m only getting married, once,” Liam said, shooting her a sly look.

Lisa flushed guiltily, remembering her past comments about the oft married Janice, who laughed, but also reached across the table to slap Liam’s arm.

“You be nice! Lisa’s only looking out for you.”

“I see Brother Liam still can’t keep a secret,” Lisa scowled at her twin.

“One day, I’ll tell you all about it,” Janice promised. “In the meantime, I wonder if you’ll consider standing up with me, as one of my bridesmaids. No hoop skirts, cross my heart. Don’t answer, now—just think about it.”

“I’m honored,” Lisa managed, past her surprise. “I will think about it.”

“Good!” Janice looked satisfied. Then, she sobered, addressing Tuck. “I’m sorry we have to leave, before the Judge can be properly laid to rest.”

“That’s all right,” he reassured her. “You and Liam have helped so much, with the hardest part. I’ll never be able to thank you, enough.”

“It’s been an adventure,” Liam grinned. “Being occupied by a ghost was never on my bingo card. Nor being confronted by a copperhead, for that matter. Wild ride, Tuck—wild ride.”

Tuck chuckled. “Speaking of rides, have you thought about trying Spike on Benadryl, for his motion sickness?”

“I did pick some up, but I still need to look up how much to give him.”

“I hate the idea of drugging him,” Janice said, but I’m sure he’ll be more comfortable, at least.”

“He may be a little drowsy,” Tuck said, “but he’ll be ambulatory. Maybe under-dose him, a little at first, and see how he does.”

“Will you be by, tomorrow, before you leave?” Lisa asked.

“I don’t think so,” Will replied. “We really should get on the road as early as we can. But, we’ll follow you back to your place, and say goodbye, from there.”