Amateur Hour

“Okay, out with it,” he said, at last.

“In general, I like men,” she began.

“I’m relieved to hear it.”

“But, I’m sitting here, trying to imagine a world where a father can arrange marriages for his daughter, then just call them off.”

“We don’t live in that world, Darlin’. You have to remember, this was a bad time in history, and it brought out the worst, in some people. The system worked, until it didn’t, in other words.”

“Would you have treated your daughter, that way?”

“I’d like to think I wouldn’t. It’s pretty clear that Beatrice’s father was very concerned about social position, and with a war on, Gerald’s becoming a member of the family was no longer an advantage. It also might have threatened the family’s safety. I don’t care about society, as such, but I would do some questionable things, to protect my family, if I had to.”

“Would you hit your daughter?”
“I stopped spanking Toni for her worst behavior, when she was ten.” He chuckled. “She flat out told me, one day, that I couldn’t do that, anymore. She was right, too. She wasn’t a small child; she was old enough to have things explained to her, and other penalties imposed. I think there might have been times, between the ages of ten and fifteen, when she might have preferred a good old-fashioned spanking.”

“I had Liam,” Lisa smiled a tiny smile. “I rarely ever got blamed for anything, because Liam thought it was his duty as a big brother, to be the fall guy, for both of us. If a lickin’ was on the table, Liam took it, then laughed with me about it, afterward.”

“He laughed?” Tuck smiled, puzzled.

“Because, if he didn’t I would cry. Being a fraternal twin is complicated. I can’t even imagine being an identical. I didn’t literally feel his pain, but it hurt my heart. We each had our own friends, but we were always each other’s best friend.”

“Well, he seems like a good friend, to have.”

“I think he likes you, too,” Lisa smiled, and patted his knee.

“As much as you like Janice?”

Lisa laughed, then. “Isn’t she a mess? I think I’m going to miss her.”

The front door opened to admit Toni, with Will, hot on her heels. Both looked animated, and cheerful.

“Oh—hi, Lisa,” Toni greeted her, as Will helped her out of her coat. “Good to see you. Excuse me, but…” she made a vague gesture toward the downstairs bathroom, and trotted off.

“Can’t hold her coffee, when the chill hits her, Miss Lisa,” Will grinned.

“It’s pretty cold, then,” Tuck said.

“Supposed to freeze tonight, I think. Let me throw on another pot, real quick,” he said, by way of excusing himself.

He returned about the same time Toni did, and they plopped down on the love seat, nearby.

“So?” Lisa prompted. “Am I looking at the season’s Miss Mona?”

“And the next Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd,” Toni grinned.

“Only because Ed Earl doesn’t really have to sing well.”

“Only because this is one of the funniest men you’ll see onstage,” Toni contradicted her husband. “You’ll come with Dad, on opening night, won’t you?” she asked Lisa.

“How could I miss it?” Lisa countered, mentally watching her social calendar fill itself up. When do you open?”

“The second week of January.”

“Isn’t there usually a Christmas play, of some kind?” Tuck asked.

“Oh, there will be,” Toni said. “They’re rehearsing in the youth building. The stage there is almost as good as the main stage, and we’re going to help them move their props and get set up, this weekend.”

“I think their noses might be a little out of joint,” Will said. “But they don’t need the orchestra pit, and we do.” He shrugged, as if to say, “That’s showbiz”, and got up to get the fresh pot of coffee.

Kelly arrived the next morning, just as Lisa was bringing Gil in from his morning constitutional. Just inside the door, she unclipped him, then, with red mug in hand, walked over to the sanctuary.

She sipped as she walked, with some satisfaction at having gotten over her phobia of the thing. Freshly washed, it was just the same as ever, and really— who else in town could claim to have a recently haunted coffee cup? No doubt, the Judge would be amused to see her with it.

Of course Kelly had decided to start with the front of the church, and work her way back. She was just coming up the stairs with her sprayer and approaching the podium when Lisa came down the nave. Consequently, she was staring down at the trunk, when Lisa got to her.

“Hi. I was just wondering if I could move this aside, to spray around the altar.”

“Sure. I’ll help you move it.”

“I’ve got it,” Kelly said, grabbing it by the handle on the end, and dragging it out of her way. She sprayed the area, and put the trunk back. “It’s too light to be the fabled missing Confederate treasure,” she joked.

“It’s a skeleton. I’m storing it here, temporarily.”

Kelly’s eyes got big, then she laughed. “You’ve spent to much time with me, I think. That’s almost believable. Have you gotten ahold of a cleaning crew, yet?”

“Not yet. I have it on good authority that Tuesdays and Thursdays are the best days to reach out to contractors,” Lisa said, relieved that the bluff had worked. “But, I think I’ll get the roof done, first.”

She strolled along with Kelly, while she sprayed, continuing to shoot the breeze, and steer all conversation away from the trunk and its contents.

A few days passed, without much word from Tuck, other than a daily phone call. There were calls from Janice, too, who naturally insisted on video chats. Lisa relayed all of the information they had found, in Beatrice’s diary. Janice was fascinated, and a little disappointed that she and Liam wouldn’t be digging through archives for the regiments of the dead soldiers.

A roofing firm was secured, an estimate obtained, and work due to start, in a week. The initial work was to be a patching of the holes on the sanctuary, and the roof of the house. It would do, Lisa figured, until more could be done in warmer weather, and she would already be in line.

As a bonus, Will was able to supply her with the name of a company that built dog kennels and runs. They were due to show up, at any minute. She hoped they would be able to find enough room, fairly close to the house. The only likely spot she could see was the grassy space between the house and the church proper. To her untrained eye, it didn’t look like much room.

It turned out there was another patch of empty ground that she had overlooked, by the Sunday school building—the former playground.

“Sure—we can remove this equipment. There’s not much of it, and it’s seen better days, anyway. There will be more than enough room for your dog. I take it he’s not a very large breed?”

“Lab mix.”

“That’s fine, then. We can put a nice shelter for him, under that oak tree. I think we can make him a happy dog. We can have it done in about a week. Ten days, tops.”

“When can you start?”

“How does tomorrow sound?”

“So soon!”

“We’re having a little lull in business, right now.”

Lisa looked at the figures he provided. This wasn’t going to be cheap, but Gil was worth it. There would be more than enough space to turn a few dogs out, at once, and Gil did have friends.

“All right,” she said, and signed the papers. “Do you take payment up front?”

“A deposit. The rest on completion.” As the man spoke, he waved to someone behind her, and Lisa looked over her shoulder, to see Tuck walking toward them. His limp was getting better, she noticed.

“How much is this cheat charging you?” Tuck asked.

“You lost that last last hand, and you know it,” the fence man returned, unperturbed.

Tuck squinted at him, and plucked the clipboard from Lisa’s hand, to read the figures. “Okay,” he said, at last. “Not too egregious.”

“I can handle my own business, thank you,” Lisa objected, reclaiming the clipboard, and handing it back to its owner. “My checkbook is in the house.”

“No problem. I can get your check, tomorrow. I don’t think you’re a felon, judging by the company you keep, disagreeable as he may be. See you Saturday, Tuck. Bring plenty of cash.”

He tapped Tuck lightly with the clipboard, as he left.

“Poker buddy?” Lisa asked.

“Yeah. This looks like a good spot, for Gil.”

“I thought so. And, he can play with his friends out here, too.”

“Speaking of his friends, I forgot to ask how Spike did, on the trip home.”

They turned and headed toward the rectory. Tuck took her hand, as they strolled.

“Janice said he slept like a lump, but wasn’t sick, at all. She was thrilled.”

“Good. I’m glad it helped.”

“So, what’s up? Not that I’m not glad to see you.” She squeezed his hand.

“Well, it seems that the casket is arriving, tomorrow, and I was wondering if Will and I could bring it over.”

“Too bad we didn’t think to have it delivered here, and save you the trouble. Oh, well—when we dig up people in the future…”

Tuck chuckled. “Let’s hope we can go the rest of our lives without reruns of that.”

“The fence guy is supposed to start, tomorrow. Should I give you a call, when he knocks off, for the day?”

“Will and Toni have rehearsals, at seven. If Harry finishes by five, that should be more than enough time.”

“Can we manage to carry the thing?”

“Sure. It’s just a pine box. No problem, for four people, even if one is a gimp. We can bring it in, then Toni and Will can take off.”

“I can make us a casserole or something, for dinner.”

“That sounds great.”

“You still could have told me all of this, in a call, you know. Unless you just had to see me,” she teased.

“I did. But that’s not the entire reason I’m here,” they had reached the front walk, and he nodded toward Will’s truck, parked at the end of the walk. Behind it, was a horse trailer. “Now, I know the timing might not be perfect for you, financially, but a friend of mine has a two year-old he’s looking to sell. He says she’s only green broke, but very sweet. She needs training, and he’s willing to let her go, at a good price. I’d like for you to come with me, to have a look at her.”

“Tuck, I—“

“It doesn’t cost anything to look.”

“That’s what I thought, when I went to the dog shelter.”

“If you don’t like her, fine. I’ve hitched up a trailer, for less reason, than to look at a horse. I might not like her. I might like her for me, but not for you. But, if she’s a good one, I’ll loan you the money—paperwork and all, if you want. You can pay for her food and upkeep, but I’ll train her for free.”

Lisa considered. This sounded like Tuck, wanting to get his feet wet on a business of his own. He had done nothing but encourage her, since day one, and he did know horses. She had said that she would do exactly this, and she had meant it. It was just sooner than she expected.

“All right. We’ll look at this filly.”

“Just a look,” he agreed, opening the truck door for her.

Luna was a breathtaking creature. Her coat was a dappled grey, her mane and tail the color of ink, and she sported black stockings. She stood quietly, as Tuck ran expert hands over her body, down each leg, and inspected her hooves. When he was done, he summoned Lisa over, for a closer look.

The mare was undeniably friendly. She politely nibbled a mouthful of grain from Lisa’s hand, and nuzzled the front of her jacket, after. Lisa was charmed, but she tried not to show it.

“She’s very nice,” Tuck was saying, to her owner. “What’s wrong with her?”
The owner, a lean man with thinning hair and freckles, just chuckled. “Not a thing, except that her dam is registered, and her sire isn’t. Fact is, we’re not really sure who the sire is. Luna looks like her mother. She’s in that barn, if you want to have a look at her,” he offered, nodding toward a nearby building.

“That’s okay,” Tuck said. “So, you can’t register her. That’s a shame. She’d be worth a pretty penny, if you could.”

“She would. But she’s a nice little horse. Are you looking for the lady?” he asked, nodding toward Lisa, who was occupied with scratching and patting.

“Yeah.”

“They look pretty fine, together. Luna’s green, but you’re a good trainer. She has an easy temperament, and from what I’ve seen, she’s fairly smart.”

“I’m sold. It’s up to Lisa, though.”

“Well, I’m going to go over there, and have a pipe. You two can talk it over.”

“So, what do you think?” Tuck asked, when his friend had ambled off to perch himself on a low fence rail, and light his pipe.

“She does seem very sweet.”

“Kinda plain, though.”

“She is not! She really does remind you of the moon.” Lisa traced the dappling on the mare’s withers, as if to illustrate.

“You can’t register her. Her sire is unknown.”

“I wouldn’t be showing her. She could still compete in Western Pleasure, if I ever wanted to do that.”

“Yes, she could. In fact, I can picture it.”

“What does he want for her?”

“Four thousand.”

“Daunting, though I’m sure he’s low-balling it.”

“He is, by about a thousand. But, by his way of thinking, he doesn’t want to invest the time and money in an unregistered mare, when his business is breeding registered Quarter Horses for show. It’s a good deal, but only if you like her.”

“What do you need, per month, to pay off the loan?”

“We’ll work out payments you can afford.”

“I can afford to give you half, up front.”

“I’m not so sure you can. You’re trying to start a business. I think you should put your front money into that, then when the profits start rolling in, you can make larger payments. Don’t look at me, like that. This was my idea, not yours. I know you didn’t wake up this morning, intending to buy a horse.”

“She’s quite the luxury item.”

“She is. But, you wouldn’t be stuck with her. If she’s not worth it to you, you could always sell her. She’d be worth more, trained.”

It was a gamble. Tuck was a semi-romantic friend. If the romance went south, would the friendship, as well? Lisa wasn’t a gambler, by nature. Yet, wouldn’t it be nice, to have something so wholesome to do, in her spare time? Riding was fun, and good exercise. Taking care of a horse could be rewarding, and soothing to the spirit, too.

“Okay,” she said. “Let’s do this.”

“Okay,” Tuck smiled, and gave her a peck on the forehead.

The next thing she knew, Lisa was standing at the bottom of the trailer ramp, with a lead rope in her hand. “Load her up,” Tuck said, plunking his Stetson on her head.

“Do I just—“

“Just lead her in.”

Luna hesitated, at first, but at the steady pull on her lead, she finally walked up the ramp. Lisa found the trailer tie, clipped it to Luna’s halter, and came back out, with the lead rope coiled in her hand.

“Good job,” Tuck said, reclaiming his hat. “You’re going to need one, of your own,” he observed.

“I hope you don’t expect me to unload her,” Lisa said, when he started the truck.

“Why not? You got her on,” he teased. “I’ll help you,” he relented, seeing her expression. “It’s not that complicated. The most important thing is to let her take her time.” He handed her his phone. “Call Toni, and let her know we’re on our way.”

It felt odd, but Lisa did as she was asked.

“Hi, Dad,” Toni chirped, on the other end.

“Hi, Toni—he’s driving.”

“Oh. Well, hi, Lisa.”

“Hi. Let me put you on speaker.”

“Did you get the horse, Dad?” Toni asked.

“We did, and she’s a pretty thing.”

“Great! The stall is all set up. I’ll keep Nickie in. Can’t wait to see her.”

“We’ll be there in about twenty minutes. Love you, honey.”

“Love you, too, Dad. Congratulations, Lisa,” she added, with a smile, in her voice.

“Thank you. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Tuck had only a little trouble unloading Luna, but he couldn’t blame the mare. It was probably the first time she had ever been in a trailer, and she had behaved well, on the trip. Backing down a ramp was obviously a new experience, for her. He took it slowly, urging, petting, sweet talking, until she was finally out.

He handed Lisa the lead, and she led the horse some distance from the trailer, where she and Toni watched as he replaced the ramps then pulled it off to unhitch. When he got back, Luna was calmly basking in their attention

“You’ve got good taste,” Toni was saying, as he approached. “I know I’d have snapped her up. So, what now, Dad? Stall her? Turn her out, with the others?”

“Stall her, I think. It’s early, but she could probably use a little time to settle. It’s the one across from Tango, Lisa. Come on up to the house, when you’re ready.”

“She looks lost,” Toni chuckled softly, when they were out of Lisa’s hearing range.

“She’ll figure it out. They should have a little bonding time.”

“I left a couple of brushes and a comb conveniently close to hand. Hope she’s not a kicker.”

“I doubt it. She didn’t flip out, when Lisa was in the trailer with her, loading her up. I ran my hands all over her, and lifted each foot. She’s used to being handled.”

Still, it seemed a long time, before they heard Lisa’s steps on the front porch. Her shadow hesitated at the door for several seconds, before Toni called out, laughing: “Turn the knob, before you freeze!”

Lisa did, and entered looking sheepish.

“Your ears are as red as raspberries,” Toni observed.

“Are they? I keep meaning to get earmuffs.”

“You know where the coffee pot is,” Toni said.

“I guess I do,” Lisa replied, and went out to the kitchen. She returned shortly, with a steaming mug.

“Your girl is all put away, then?” Tuck asked, as she sat down, next to him.

“She is. I brushed her down, a little, just outside her stall. It didn’t seem like a good idea to go in with her, for any length of time, at first.”

“Very wise.”

“Tuck, she’s so beautiful!” Lisa effused, suddenly.

“And, the bug has bitten,” Toni laughed.

Tuck, Will, and Toni arrived as the light was disappearing, the next evening. It didn’t take the four of them long to carry the pine casket into the sanctuary and place it on the altar. Donning black police issue neoprene gloves, they arranged the Judge’s bones in the box, as best they could.

Lisa thought she would be repulsed by the job, but the remains were skeletal, with only a few traces of skin clinging to an occasional bone, dry, leathery, and inconsequential. The only odor was that of earth, and there was something admittedly zen about neatly arranging the larger bones, though, for all any of them knew, the Judge’s fingers could now be where his toes would have been, in life.

Will and Toni had taken a quick shower, together, slipped into fresh clothing, and were now on their way to rehearsal. Lisa parked herself in her rocker, waiting for Tuck to emerge from his shower. She could smell the chicken casserole that she had put in the oven, after scrubbing herself to the elbows. She was surprised to find that she was hungry.

“I guess you can get used to anything,” she commented to Gil, who thumped his tail, in response. “You’re going to like your new play yard. They cleared away all the kids’ stuff, and set some of the posts, today.”

Gil yawned, then rose with his chew toy, to flop down at her feet, with a look that demanded scritches. Lisa obliged.

“Your turn,” Tuck said, padding out into the living room. He was shirtless, and still toweling his hair. “I tried to save you as much hot water as I could.”

Lisa stood, trying not to stare. The man usually wore not only a shirt, but an undershirt, as well. Barefooted and bare chested, he seemed virtually naked. The thought struck her as hilarious, for some reason.

“Okay, thanks.” She rushed out of the room, fighting the urge to laugh.

She chided herself for her immaturity, and was still doing so, when she stepped into the shower. The poor man had been perfectly decent, and she was reacting like a schoolgirl. As penance, she reduced the temperature of the water, to a near unbearable cold, scrubbed briskly, and, shivering, stepped out, to dry herself off.

Tuck was, of course, fully dressed, when she returned to the living room.

“You look chilled. Did you run out of hot water?”

“Just at the end,” she lied, with a shrug. “I don’t care, as long as I feel clean.”

“Your casserole smells good. I feel like I could eat a bear.”

“I’m afraid the chicken came out of a can. I hope it doesn’t break apart, too much.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” He patted the sofa seat, next to him. “Have a seat, why don’t you?”

She did, feeling self-conscious. “How’s Luna settling in?” she asked, grateful for a topic to distract her from his nearness.

Tuck grinned. “She’s decided that she likes to race Rocket around the pasture. She’s doing great.”

“Does she ever win?” Lisa smiled.

“No. But someday, she might. She’s pretty fast.”

“When are visiting hours?”

“Any time you want to come. She’s your horse. You might want to limit yourself to daylight hours, but…”

“That reminds me—“ Lisa slid over to the end of the sofa, and found her handbag, on the floor. She pulled out her wallet. “I stopped by the bank, today.” She withdrew four hundred dollars, and handed it to him. “First payment,” she said, with an air of satisfaction. “I’m guessing the feed bill will be a monthly thing?”

“Whatever is easiest, for you,” he nodded, taking the money. “Tomorrow, I’m going to put her on a lunge line, and see how she goes.”

“You should probably put me on the controlling end, and teach me how to do it,” Lisa remarked dryly.

“That’ll come, later. You should learn how to do it,” he agreed.

“Oh. So, you have a curriculum all planned out, do you?”

“I do, indeed. Graduation is a Western Pleasure competition. You don’t have to win, mind you, just participate.”

“Because, I don’t have enough to do,” she laughed.

“Because, everyone needs a hobby, and I don’t think you hate the idea. You brought it up, yourself.”

“I said she could still compete—“

“If you wanted to do that, yes.”

“Cop memory,” Lisa grumbled, scowling at him.

“Exactly.”