Amateur Hour

It was 10:30, when Lisa finally made it down to breakfast. Everyone else had already eaten, and Will had gone. Toni got up to slip a plate into the microwave, then rejoined her and Tuck at the table.

“I’m so sorry,” Lisa apologized. “Why didn’t someone wake me up?” she demanded, eyeballing Tuck.

“You needed rest,” he shrugged.

The coffee carafe was on a trivet, in the middle of the table, and Lisa helped herself. While she was stirring in her cream and sugar, the microwave beeped, and she hopped up to get to it, before Toni could. When she got back to her seat, she found a piece of paper, at her immediate right.

“We had a family meeting, this morning. Those are the rules.”

Lisa picked up the paper, frowning a little. “Rule number one:,” she read, aloud. “Stay away from the billy goat.” It was written in all caps, underlined, and had an asterisk by it. She chuckled.

“He’s fired,” Toni said. “I’m just waiting for a buyer. I’ve never run across a meaner goat.”

Lisa ate a bite of her grits, and continued. “Rule number two: Don’t ride out alone without leaving a flight plan. That sounds familiar,” she added, with a smirk. “Rule number three: You’re a grownup. Be responsible and carry your phone. Use it to let someone know if you’re going to be late, getting home.”

“That’s from Will, too,” Toni said. “He’s very protective, in his own way.”

“Number four: If you want something to eat or drink, between meals, this is a serve yourself establishment.” Lisa glanced at Toni.

“That includes anything that requires cooking. I know you might be squeamish about using another woman’s kitchen, but all I ask is that you clean up after yourself. We all bang around, in the kitchen, here.”

Lisa nodded. She ate a bit more of her breakfast, trying not to be unnerved by Tuck’s stoic silence. He broke it, before she did, however.

Reaching across the table, he slid the paper toward himself.

“Rule number five: No sneaky business, and no faking.”

“What does that mean?” Lisa half laughed.

“It means that, while we all understand how you dislike confrontations, you’re going to have to get used to them, on occasion. We’re not a contentious bunch, most of the time, but we have our moments.”

“We may storm off, but we don’t sneak off,” Toni elaborated. “We don’t lie, just to avoid arguments, and we don’t go incommunicado, either.”

Lisa tried not to squirm, under her pointed look. “So, no one has their own personal business?”

“Yes, but it’s a balance. If what you mean to do is going to affect someone else, they have a right to know it. You’d be surprised on how much that cuts down on conflicts, when you give the affected person a chance to make a counter proposal.”

“Well, I do know how your Dad loves his counter proposals,” Lisa deadpanned.

“No one expects you to be perfect,” Tuck added. “There is no such thing. All we’re asking is that you don’t be deliberately deceptive. I know—you haven’t been, with any bad intentions. Please, don’t do it with good intentions, either.”

Lisa considered it. She had to admit, it was a valid critique. She held out her hand for the paper, and nodded toward the pen, as well. Tuck handed her the ballpoint, and jotted a few words before she signed her name at the bottom of the document.

Tuck grinned as he read aloud: “I have read, understand and agree to the above rules. There’s something else for you to frame, Toni.”

“Something else?” Lisa smiled, puzzled.

“Oh, yeah—“ Toni pulled a small frame out of her apron pocket. “I thought this would make a cute souvenir.”

Lisa took it, and laughed. It was her note, from her first solo ride. Someone had written a rather large “A+” at the top, in red marker. Undoubtedly, the grade was from Will. “Thank you,” she said, still smiling.

Tyvek didn’t breathe. Lisa discovered this, ten minutes into the morning’s deconstruction of the rectory floor. The papery white suit that covered her from head to toe didn’t inhibit her movement, at all, but she felt like she was swimming in her own perspiration.

She had opened every window and every door in the place, and it had helped some; the opened house was a bit cooler, though the clamminess inside the suit persisted. It had also had the effect of lightening the atmosphere, some. Lisa noticed that she still felt the oppressive heaviness, but it was less debilitating.

The first break she took felt lonely, without Gil waiting for her, in the church. Still, she didn’t regret leaving him behind in Nickie’s company. He was warm and safe, and she didn’t have to worry about him.

At Tuck’s insistence, she had set up her coffee and tea making station on a camp stove, in the sanctuary, far from any possible asbestos and dust exposure, and now she was sipping a cup, shivering a little as the perspiration dried. She had discarded the suit, in the narthex.

“I do miss the taste of coffee,” a familiar voice said, almost in her ear. Lisa jumped and looked around. There was no one there, but herself—at least, not visibly.

“Boo to you, too, your Honor,” she smiled, and saluted the voice with her cup. She wasn’t sure if the fading chuckle she heard in return was in her head, or in her ears.

Fortified and rested, Lisa was standing in the narthex, zipping herself into the suit, when she heard the Judge again.

“The ladder isn’t safe,” he said.

“What does that mean?” Lisa demanded, but got no answer.

The boiling water had done its work, she found, as she began scraping at the adhesive. The glue had softened, and came up in larger chunks than she had expected, just from the use of water. She smirked a little, behind her mask. Tuck had been of the opinion that she should use a citrus-based solvent, but it had cost more money than she was willing to pay, unless it turned out to be absolutely necessary.

True, there was some residual tackiness left behind, on the wooden subfloor, but not enough to worry about. She felt sure she could get it up, later.

She was fully in the center of the room, when she uncovered the hole. It was perfectly round, and large enough for her index finger to go into, without touching the sides. Lisa leaned back on her knees, to stare at it, for a moment. It was odd, but she would have to wait, to see more. It was time to douse the glue again, from the water boiling in the stock pot she had borrowed from Toni.

It seemed as good a time as any, for a lunch break, and Lisa popped her prepackaged beef stew into the microwave, on her way back to the bedroom. It was done, by the time she returned to the kitchen.

The stew was still hot, even after the time it took to take off the suit and don her jacket, and Lisa settled onto the pew she usually sat on, to eat it. It was very warming, going down. She wondered in a idle way, as she ate, if she might not be likely to catch pneumonia from being repeatedly warmed and heated.

The phone rang, and she answered it.

“How’s it going?” Tuck asked, on the other end.

“Better than I thought it would. I’m halfway done getting up the glue, so I’m taking a lunch break. What are you doing?”

“Thinking about you, obviously,” he replied, with a smile in his voice. “Sounds like you’ll be home, for dinner?”

“Well before that, I think. At the rate I’m going, I should be finished in a few hours. How’s my mutt?”

“I don’t think he’s thought of you, for at least five minutes. He’s fine. Toni’s making chili, tonight.”

“I don’t want to miss that,” Lisa laughed. “Does she need me to grab anything at the store, on the way back?”

“I don’t think so. Hold on, I’ll check—“ Lisa heard him cover the mic on the phone, and the murmur of his confab with his daughter. “She says she’s all set,” he said, coming back onto the line. “What—“ he seemed to be asking Toni. “Oh. Hot sauce. Darlin’ could you pick up some hot sauce, maybe? Will likes it. Will’s strange.”

“Sure. Any particular kind?”

“Just hot sauce. He’s weird, but not picky. I’m pretty sure they have it at that little Mom and Pop on the way.”

“Okay. No sweat.”

“You have got to be joking!” Lisa exclaimed, an hour later. “This is just too much.” But, the evidence was before her. The layer of linoleum and the layer of glue under that had concealed the trapdoor, for decades. The hole that she had initially discovered had no doubt been fitted with a ringbolt, when it had been in active use.

Linoleum glue had seeped into the edges, of the door, effectively sealing it. Lisa went to work on it, with a screwdriver, picking and prying at the substance, until the light began to fail. A glance at her watch told her it was four-thirty eight. She had no choice but to call it a day.

She tugged at the zipper on the front of the suit, and reached into the neckline of her shirt. Her phone was stashed in her bra, as it was easier to get to, than her pockets. She held it up, and took a small series of pictures, then texted them to Tuck.

Lisa was actually getting ready to turn onto the main road, when he called her.

“You haven’t opened that thing, have you?” he asked, without so much as a greeting. He sounded anxious.

“No. That’s why I took pictures, Deputy. I’m actually sitting at the end of the drive, getting ready to turn out onto the road.”

“Oh. Good. I was afraid you might have. I didn’t see the pictures until just now.”

“I’ll be there, after I’ve picked up Will’s hot sauce. You worry, too much.”

“Maybe I do,” he sighed.

“I’ll be there in time to help feed the horses,” she said, trying to sound reassuring.

“Right.” He sounded happier. “I’ll see you then.”

“So, it’s obviously a cellar, of some kind,” Lisa surmised, while she watched Will dump copious amounts of hot sauce into his chili.

“This is why I’ll never have worms,” Will winked at her, seeing her gaze.

“You are so disgusting,” Toni told him in a resigned, regretful tone. “Funny they’d just cover it over, though,” she said, turning her attention back to Lisa.

“Not if they weren’t using it,” Will shrugged. “It’s a tale as old as the oldest city. The older the city, the more times it was rebuilt over the previous one. Individual buildings are like that, too.”

“I didn’t see any hinges,” Tuck looked at Lisa questioningly.

“No. It’s not a big door. Maybe it’s less a door than a cover. It looks like it had a ringbolt in it, once. It might just lift off, free of the opening.”

“Wooden manhole cover,” Toni quipped, and crumbled some more crackers into her bowl.

“Yeah, exactly. I wonder if I can lift it with a crowbar,” Lisa mused.

“No. You can’t. I will lift it. You’ll stand the hell out of the way,” Tuck asserted.

“Okay, Deputy—smooth your feathers. What’s eating you, anyway? I thought you’d be a happy camper, after your victory, this morning.”

“It’s his conscience,” Toni grinned. “No one was expecting you to go the extra mile and sign the paper.”

“Funny. I’ve felt light as a piece of dandelion fluff, all day,” Lisa replied, with her own grin. It wasn’t a lie, either. Overall, she had felt exactly that way, in her spirits, at least.

“Yeah, well— They say most delinquents really do want rules,” Tuck retorted.

Lisa finished brushing Luna’s brilliant, silvery coat, and was shaking out the blanket, when Tuck came by, to lean his folded arms on the stall door. She glanced at him with a smile, then drew the blanket over the mare’s back.

Tuck smiled, too. Every day, Lisa was becoming more comfortable with her mare, and Luna had turned out to be nearly as quiet in a stall as Tango.

“Toni wasn’t entirely wrong,” he opened. “After you left, this morning, I did get the feeling that I’d been kind of heavy handed.”

“You hardly said anything. Toni did most of the talking. That was by design, I’m sure. It was a good plan.”

She patted Luna on the neck, and stepped toward the door. Tuck opened it for her, backing up.

“Sounds kind of nefarious, when you put it that way.”

Lisa laughed. “I came back, didn’t I? If it had been too heavy handed, I would have taken Gil with me, this morning, and I wouldn’t be here, now.” She paused to study him, which made him a little uncomfortable. Probing looks weren’t usually Lisa’s style. “I know you’re serious, Deputy,” she said, at last. “So am I. And, I do find it helpful to know the boundaries. Especially Toni’s boundaries. I genuinely like her, and I wouldn’t want to get on her bad side.”

“She likes you, too—so, she won’t let you,” Tuck smiled. “If you’re on the verge, she’ll let you know. And, if you cross them, it’s not the end of the world. Toni’s the forgiving sort.”

“Let’s go in. It’s getting colder.”

“You don’t look like you’ve been warm, all day,” Tuck said.

“Oh, but I have been. Hot, cold, hot, cold—all day!” she laughed.

“That’s not good.”

“Inevitable. But, I’m nearly done.”

“Promise me you won’t touch the trapdoor, until I can help you.”

“I promise. Bring a ladder, when you do come to look at it. I have it on good authority that the ladder down there isn’t safe.”

“What?” Tuck scowled down at her.

Lisa explained about hearing the Judge’s disembodied voice, and the warning. “It didn’t make any sense to me, until just now. I had my doubts, anyway, about going down. That’s the reason I didn’t do anything more than take pictures of it. I’m not as headstrong as you think I am.”

“No,” Tuck laughed and put his arm around her, as they headed back to the house. “I think you probably are.”

When Tuck arrived just after noon on Monday, he found Lisa on her hands and knees in the front bedroom, scoring the linoleum with a utility knife. The rectory was now a complete shambles, with the storage boxes now relocated to the living room, stacked on the kitchen table, and even on top of the washer and dryer.

“I think you need to sharpen that,” he commented, watching her struggle, for a moment.

“Probably.” Lisa leaned back from her work, dropped the knife, and shook out her left hand. “My hands are tired, too. Is it time for the grand opening?” she asked, getting to her feet, stiffly. Her face was lively, even if her body wasn’t.

“I think I got everything we need.” Tuck held up a couple of bags, before handing her one.

Lisa made a face, at the sight of the full face mask and respirator. “Do you think this is really necessary?”

“I’m pretty sure it is. There’s bound to be dust, mold, and God only knows what else, down there. It’s probably ten times worse than the sanctuary was. But, hey—we’ll be dressed in matching suits,” he added with a smile, pulling his own white Tyvek garment out of the bag. “I got booties, too, so we don’t get crap all over our shoes, and gloves, of course.”

“And, the ladder?”

“In the truck, with the crowbars and other tools. Will took the Prius, today.” He noticed that she was massaging her left wrist. “Why don’t you take a break, while I suit up and see if I can dislodge that trapdoor?”

“I’m nearly done cutting that,” she nodded toward the empty room. “I’ll find you, when I’m finished.”

He wanted to argue, but he didn’t. Instead, he nodded, and went out to fetch in the ladder and the other tools he thought he might need, for the job. When he came back, she was back at it.

Tuck watched her, while he shucked off his jacket, and dragged on the papery coverall. It gave him an uncomfortable feeling, to see the amount of pressure she was putting on the knife. It was definitely in need of sharpening.

“I have a little whetstone, in my toolbox,” he hinted.

“Thanks, but I only have a couple more strips to cut.”

“Suit yourself, but you might get better results with a butter knife, at this point.”

She grunted something at him that sounded like a humorless laugh, and he let it go, at that.

The trap was bigger than he expected, and he was relieved. He’d had visions of having to squeeze himself through a tight opening, but it looked like even Will could fit through it with ease, despite his muscled arms and shoulders. Not that Tuck didn’t have any muscle—but he was more of the wiry type, in that regard.

He eyed the job for a moment, crowbar in hand. Lisa had done a very good job of removing the excess glue from around the edge, leaving him room to slip the chiseled end of the tool between the floor and the door. He supposed the best way of going about it would be to jiggle and hopefully loosen the grip of the glue, going around all sides of the door, as if he were prying the lid off a paint can.

Tuck suited his actions to the thought, grimacing every time the door made a cracking sound. He devoutly hoped this was the glue separating from the wood, and not the wood breaking. He could feel the cover beginning to loosen, as he worked it. He could also feel sweat running down his back. Lisa hadn’t exaggerated about the suits. They were hot as hell.

Pausing to swipe at his forehead with the sleeve of the suit, he wondered what was keeping her. The waterproof coating on the sleeve made the effort meaningless. He was going to need his bandanna, from the truck.

On his way out, he glanced Lisa’s way. She appeared to be finished, kneeling and folding a piece of cloth, in one corner of the room, with her back to the door. Surely, she wasn’t going to scrub the linoleum, before pulling it up?

But, no. When he returned, swabbing at his face and neck with the blue bandanna, Lisa was pulling on a pair of the disposable gloves he’d bought.

“Hot, aren’t they?” she asked, with a grin that didn’t quite touch her eyes.

“I had no idea. I’ve just about worked it free, though.”

“Want to take a break?”

“Not just yet.”

“I’ll get us something to drink, anyway.”

“That would be great.”

Lisa made a disgusted face, when she came in with bottled drinks. He could guess what the trouble was. She didn’t like the tackiness of the floor and the way it clung to her shoes.

“This is going to pull any shoe covers right off our feet,” she remarked, confirming his guess.

“Maybe shoe covers are overkill,” he admitted, accepting the bottle of tea from her. He took a couple of long pulls, then handed the bottle back. She capped it, while he picked up the crowbar again. In two more minutes, the cover was free. Nearly free, anyway. Tuck got his fingers under the lifted edge, and wrenched it away from the remnants of stubborn glue.

Assuring himself that she was well out of the way, Tuck flipped the cover over to land with a wood on wood thump on the floor.

“Now, it’ll be glued to that part of the floor,” Lisa joked, dryly.

“It’s not that bad,” Tuck grinned, a bit out of breath. “Now, it’s break time,” he announced. To his surprise, she agreed, and even led the way out of the house. He followed her to the truck, and perched himself beside her on the tailgate.

She pushed back her hood, stripped off her mask, and unzipped. He followed suit, and squirmed his way out of the top half of the coverall.

“You’ll regret that. It’s too cold,” she said.

“The sun will keep me warm enough. If it doesn’t, I’ll put the thing back on. Bossy Boots,” he added.

Lisa laughed, remembering the first time he had called her that.

He pulled off his work gloves, and put them aside. There wasn’t much of a breeze, and the sun felt good. He’d be dry again, in no time.

“I’m not looking forward to putting on all of that face gear,” Lisa said, “but, did you smell how dank that place is?”

“I did. The filters are designed for paint and the like, so they should help, with the smell.”

“I hope there aren’t any rats.” Lisa shuddered. She was well and thoroughly sick of rats.

“If there are, they’re die-hards. That place has been abandoned much longer than the church. I can’t imagine what they’d be eating.”

“Maybe each other.” She shuddered, and he patted her knee.

“You’re giving yourself the willies. You don’t have to go down there, you know.”

“I guess I do. It’s my house.”

“I admire your commitment to stubbornness.”

“I prefer to think of it as tenacity.”

“I’m sure you do,” he chuckled.