Amateur Hour

“Tuck—Please wake up! Tucker, please! Please be all right…”

A voice was pleading with him. A woman’s voice. Lisa’s voice. Tuck groaned, and his eyes opened.

“You shot me.” He was more in a state of disbelief than anger. He might have been more pissed, he reckoned, if it had hurt—but he felt no pain, except for a low, thumping headache. “You actually shot me.”

“No.” It was a tiny, soft denial, with a small shake of the head.

“Yes, you did—I saw you.”

She merely continued to shake her head, tears streaming down her face. Tuck sat up, realizing even as he did so that, if he were shot, she wouldn’t let him sit up. He examined his leg. It was fine. No holes, no blood, no pain. “What… What the hell?”

He looked back at Lisa, and saw the can of pepper spray on the floor, next to her. She was sobbing uncontrollably, now, rocking back and forth.

“Lisa. Honey, tell me what happened.” She only shook her head, unable to look at him, it seemed. “Lisa—“ His tone was stern as he grasped her shoulders and shook her a little. “You’re coming unglued over nothing.” He hated himself for saying that. “I’m fine. Just tell me what happened, Darlin’. Why on earth would I think you shot me?”

“The pepper spray… I had…I had…”

“You had it in your hand, and you pointed it at me?”

Lisa nodded, and swiped at her eyes, with the heels of her hands. She took several shuddering breaths, while he caressed her shoulders.

“At Noah, I thought…”

“You thought right.” She sniffled, and he remembered, belatedly, his handkerchief. He pulled it out of his jacket pocket, and pressed it into her hand.

“Thanks.” Her lips trembled as though the kindness might set her off again.

“Shh… Just breathe and collect yourself. I don’t even know why you’re upset. I’m not hurt. You didn’t even tag me with the spray. Not in the leg, or anywhere else, that I can feel.”

“The leg, yes! I was going to aim for your face, but…but something told me to point it at your leg. It was stupid, so stupid! But I did it. And then…”

“I folded, like an origami swan?” he teased.

Lisa laughed, through her tears, and nodded. Then, she threw her arms around him, gripping his jacket in her fists.

“I love you, so much! Are you really all right? You…you just dropped and I…”

“Hush, now.” He held her close, and felt her shaking like a half frozen puppy. “I’m one hundred percent all right, and I love you, right back.” Turning his head, he kissed her face.

They held each other, for a couple of minutes, before her grip relaxed a bit, and she drew back some.

“You thought I shot you?” she asked, applying his hankie to her eyes again, then her nose.

“Don’t dab—blow. I won’t tell anyone.”

She laughed, and obeyed.

“Yeah,” he answered her question. “I saw a pistol, bigger ‘n hell. And I don’t mean that just in terms of how clearly I saw it. It was a pistol, and it was bigger than hell. A horse pistol, I think. I’m a fast thinker,” he added. “I had time to wonder where you had gotten it, and where it had been hidden, loaded, at that, because I remembered that they’re muzzle loaders, so it would have to have been ready to fire—all of that went through my mind, before you pulled the trigger. Or, before I felt the ball go into my leg, anyway. Then I had time to wonder where the second shot came from, before I hit the floor.”

“It must have happened, in here,” Lisa mused, then shuddered. She jumped a little, when Tuck leaped to his feet.

“Easy, Nancy Drew,” he smiled and rumpled her hair, in passing.

“What are you looking for?” she asked, stuffing the pepper spray can back into her pocket.

Tuck walked slowly around the large room, examining the floors and walls in the vicinity of where he had fallen. “I’m looking for…damage…splintered wood…holes…gouges…”

“Why, for Pete’s sake?”

“Second shot…someone missed.”

“And?” she got to her own feet. “It’s not like you could run ballistics tests on a ball, right?”

“No. I’m just curious. If you’re going to be my wife, you have to indulge my foolishness, from time to time,” he grinned at her, over his shoulder, then went back to his search.

“Do tell.”

He was relieved to hear the old sarcasm in her voice. She was recovering. He spotted it, down in the baseboard, five feet from where he’d lain, unconscious. It wasn’t a big hole. “Hold the light for me, Darlin’?” he requested. Lisa sighed and brought her flashlight.

Tuck put his own back into his pocket, and reached into his pants pocket for his folding knife. He knelt, and, with Lisa lighting the operation, dug the ball out of the baseboard. It hadn’t penetrated deeply into the wood, nor was it much flattened. He admired it, for a moment, before putting it and the knife back into his pocket.

“Wow. That and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee at Ken’s.”

“Is that a subtle hint that you could use some java?”

“I could use a shot of bourbon, which I don’t even like. I’d settle for coffee, though.”

“My poor little honey,” he said, enveloping her in a hug. “I think I have just the thing to make you smile.”

“Do you, now?”

“Ouch,” he laughed into her neck. “Come on—I’ll show you.”

It was Lisa who took the lead, however, making her way confidently through the maze that was the house, and back out onto the porch.

“Stay right here,” Tuck said. “I’ll be back in a second.”

“What are you doing now?” she demanded as he turned to go back inside.

“Just wait.”

He reentered the house, hoping he could find the dining room again. He did, without much trouble. The huge table had been abandoned, and the chairs with it—another case of too large and too much trouble to move, he supposed. He chuckled a little, remembering that Lisa had offered her opinion that the chairs were ‘pretentious’.

They were rather heavy, too, but he managed to carry two pretentious chairs out onto the porch, and arrange them so that the little table they had used as a doorstop was between them.

“Now, then—if my lady would care to sit…”

“I’d rather sit on my horse.”

“Sit,” he directed, with mock sternness.

She rolled her eyes, but humored him. Tuck trotted down the steps, and walked over to Buckshot. He opened his saddlebag, and pulled out the thermal flask and two enameled steel cups. He gave each of the horses a word and a pat, before mounting the steps again.

The coffee was made the way she took hers, with cream and sugar, but he didn’t mind. He’d only switched to black, himself, when he started working as a Deputy Sheriff. It saved time, not to add things to coffee.

“Now, tell me this isn’t nice,” he challenged her, leaning back into his chair.

“This is very nice,” she admitted, smiling. “You know, these are pretentious chairs, but they’re comfortable.

“They’re deep enough, that’s for sure.”

“Ladies wore bustles, back then. Deeper chairs were better, for that.”

He eyed her again, with one raised brow.

“Logic, Tucker. Why do you insist on looking at me like I have two heads?”

“Just seems like you know a lot about the Victorian period, in general, and this house, in particular, Darlin’.”

“It does… resonate, with me. I think the Judge and Margaret were mostly happy, here. How about you? How are you doing with Noah, right now?”

“He’s gone back to the basement of my consciousness. I think he’s likely to stay there, for a while, too. This house is not his, in any way. I wasn’t even aware of him, until we entered that one room. It likes you, though. It protected you.”

Lisa nodded, and they enjoyed their coffee in silence for a while.

“It has good bones. Too bad it’s to big and too isolated to do anything practical with it,” she remarked.

“I wouldn’t be too sure. We could always turn it into a bordello. We have the right settee, in the front room. I have to say, I’m disappointed in the lack of glass doorknobs, though.”

“They’re upstairs.”

“Really?”

“Really. Didn’t you notice that most of the bigger rooms downstairs have pocket doors? Most of the hinged doors are upstairs, on the bedrooms. You wouldn’t waste glass knobs on downstairs closets. Not back then, anyway. They were expensive, as doorknobs went.”

“Logic, again?”

“Exactly. I daresay the Judge and Margaret were in ‘society’, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t practical, too.”

“In society, when he was a pariah…” He wasn’t disputing her theory, just wondering at the conundrum.

“He was a Judge,” she shrugged, seeming to understand his train of thought. “It would have been in some people’s best interests to socialize with him, whether they liked him, or not. They probably talked shit about him among themselves, to keep up appearances, while privately liking him. Poor Gerald,” she sighed.

“I don’t think he suffered, too much. Does he strike you as someone who set much store by public opinion?”

“I suppose not. He had his family, his career…his wealth. It must have really burned Noah’s biscuits. He tried to destroy the man, right down to his happiness and peace of mind, but he failed.”

“More coffee?” Tuck offered.

“No, thanks. As it is, I may have to find a bush to sprinkle,” Lisa laughed.

“I won’t look,” Tuck promised, with a smile. “Go ahead, if you need to. Just don’t go so far that I can’t hear you, if you shout for help. I don’t know how cell service is, up here.”

“Okay.” She got up, dropped a kiss on his lips, went down the steps, and disappeared around the side of the house.

Tuck got up, too. He stashed the chairs just inside the door, along with the table, and was putting the flask and cups back into Buckshot’s saddle bag, when Lisa reappeared.

“You need to do something with that hair,” he told her.

“Speak for yourself, Deputy. When was the last time you saw a barber?” She untied Luna, and climbed easily into the saddle. The silver mare snorted, as if she found Lisa’s retort amusing. “I don’t still look weepy, do I?” she asked when Tuck was aboard Buckshot.

“Your eyes are a little red, but no one will know it’s not from riding in the cold. Same goes for your nose.”

“Good.”

There was no race, this time, only a sustained jog until they reached the small wood and the single file trail.

“Do you mean to go back there?” Lisa asked, when they were again on the north trail, headed home.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I? I’ll just avoid that room. What kind of a room do you suppose it was, anyway?”

“It was a sitting room, for ladies. That far back in the house, it would have been for intimate friends and family.”

Tuck couldn’t help himself. He had to ask. “Why do you think it was for ladies?”

“Did you miss the wallpaper?”

“Striped, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. In periwinkle, cream and mauve. Those aren’t colors suited to gentlemen, or children. Those are ladies’ colors. Honestly, Tuck! How can you be so observant, and so oblivious, at the same time?”

“I saw pink, blue, and off white.”

Lisa groaned. “I’m sure you did.”

*********************************

While Tucker and the woman compared notes about what they had seen and noticed inside Gerry’s house, Noah contemplated what he had experienced.

His efforts to sicken Tucker had failed, after his attempts at takeover were unavailing. The fool had had the temerity to drink alcohol! Champagne wasn’t strong enough, evidently, to place Noah in control. Thus, he had resorted to making himself felt in his host’s gut.

Tucker had been too concerned with his bride-to-be, to notice, however. Bride-to-be! Now, there was a tragic farce. Lisa had entirely too much influence over the man. What did he see, in her? Noah wondered, not for the first time, if he was going to have to extinguish what made Tucker Rawlings who he was. He did not wish to do that.

Aside from his affinity for the man, Noah realized that, in order to make the right impression on others, it was vital that Tuck be as authentic, as possible. Lisa was a threat to any small alterations that might be necessary going unnoticed, however. Toni could be conditioned, and Will could be fooled, perhaps, but Lisa saw Tucker more keenly than the others did, and had not the wit to keep her mouth shut, when she observed anything unusual.

Lisa was a threat, full stop. The door had been locked—Tucker had not been mistaken. There was no earthly reason for Lisa to have been able to open it. Was the woman a witch, as Kitty had been? Or, had someone or something on the other side of the door opened it, for her?

Noah was inclined to believe the latter, having seen Margaret’s homely face superimposed over Lisa’s, in the sitting room—Margaret had been a toad, to look at. Yet, there she had been, brandishing the very pistol that had been used to maim him. He had also heard the shot, fired by Kitty that had missed him, before Tucker had fallen.

They had all been witches, the three of them—Kitty, Margaret, and then later, Beatrice. Noah pondered some more… What was the source of Lisa’s clarity of perception, with regard to the overwrought shack that Gerry and Margaret had called home? Was it the ‘charm’ Tucker had fashioned of Gerry’s watch fob—the one with a lock of Beatrice’s hair inside?

True, Beatrice had never lived there—but she was likely as familiar with the place as she had been with Gerry. Their assignations had taken place there, after all—upstairs—in one of the rooms with the glass doorknobs, unless Noah missed his guess.

Why had he kept that slut’s hair, he wondered. He should have burned it. He and Caroline had set the rest of Beatrice’s things ablaze, the night Beatrice had died. Noah had kept nothing that had belonged to his first wife.

Caroline had been a jealous mistress, and an even more possessive spouse. Her jealousy had been her most charming trait. She had valued him. So, when she had insisted on the bonfire, he couldn’t deny her, though it pained him a bit, to lose his trophies.

He had still had the boys, however, and that was something. They were his to shape and form, as he liked, and there had been nothing Gerry could do, about it. But measles had taken one, and a gambler’s bullet, the other.

Perhaps the thrill of having and keeping trophies in a serendipitous matched set, provided by Gerry, of all people, hadn’t been worth it, if they gave Lisa so much power—so much sight.

***************************

Lisa had begged off the trip to town with Tuck and Toni, with an offer to wash the morning dishes. She had no real interest in looking at CCTV equipment. Tuck had opted to shop for the cameras locally as opposed to online after several frustrating searches that left him more confused than informed. Toni was going along, to determine how well any given system might work with the computer she had selected.

Lisa had other plans, but she would have to give Will the slip, first. It wouldn’t be easy, if it would be possible, at all. He was out with the horses, of course, but he had said something about making his own trip to town, later.

Later came and went. Will’s truck remained where it had been, all morning—parked near the barn. The man himself had been busy. Lunging this horse and that one; traipsing around the site of the future barn, with a note pad; digging post holes for the mock-gate setup for her to learn to open and close.

She felt encouraged, seeing this last. His back was to the house, half the time, so she might be able to slip past him. Lisa found a piece of paper, and dutifully scrawled a note that would tell the others, roughly, where she intended to ride. Rules were rules.

Lisa approached the barn by skirting the goat pen—going what felt like a mile out of her way, to do so. She wasn’t expecting the adrenaline rush she felt, once she was forced out in the open, nor the acceleration of her heart when she had to duck behind Will’s truck.

She made quick work of saddling Luna, grateful that the horse hadn’t been turned out yet. Will was probably hoping to work with her, on the gate, when he had it up. The thought gave Lisa pause, but only for a moment. She wasn’t going to be gone, all day. She’d volunteered to make lunch.

“Hang on a few minutes, and I’ll grab Polly,” Will offered affably, at her back, while she was pulling Luna’s forelock clear of the bridle.

Lisa turned, blushing and trying not to look as guilty as she felt. Of course, he’d caught her. He was Will, of the ungodly timing.

“How do you just appear, without any smoke?” she laughed.

“Wouldn’t you like to know? You really need to work on your secret agent game.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. You were busy. I walked right behind you.”

“Uh-huh. ‘Round the goat pen, behind the woodpile, from tree to tree—three trees worth—and ducking behind my truck. Pro tip: the back screen door creaks loudly enough to be heard, even out here, when the wind is right. I spotted you, before you were a yard from the house.”

He was highly amused by her antics, she could see, so she gave up that part of the pretense.

“I didn’t see any harm in a little ride. Everyone else is busy, and it’s a nice day. It’s almost warm.”

“No harm, at all. No need to sneak, either.”

“I didn’t want to pull you away from what you’re doing. I knew you’d offer to go with me, even when you’d rather finish what you’re working on. I did leave a note, on the kitchen table.”

“Where are you planning to go? Back to the old Lovejoy place?”

“Yes. I thought I’d get some pictures. We forgot to do that yesterday, too.”

“It’s dangerous to go into old houses alone.”

“I didn’t say anything about going in.”

“You didn’t have to. I’ve noticed that you and Pa are both pretty tight-lipped about the place.”

At Lisa’s elbow, Luna stomped a hind foot and snorted. Lisa reached out to pat her neck.

“What’s to tell? It’s an old house, in remarkably good shape, for its age. Besides, Tuck tried the door and a window, too. They were both locked.”

Will continued to look skeptical. Lisa decided to double down. She pulled out her phone, pulled up Tuck’s contact page, and handed the phone to Will. “Ask him,” she said.

The younger man looked chagrined, as he closed the page, and returned the phone. “No,” he sighed. “I’m not about to call you a liar.”

“Thank you, I guess. Look, Will—Luna can handle the trail, and I can handle Luna. Aren’t you the one who wants me to take her out, independently, so she doesn’t get buddy sour? The sooner I go and get a few pictures, the sooner I can be back, get her groomed and put up, and get started on lunch.”

“You haven’t ridden that far, alone.”

“There’s a first time for everything. I know the way.”

“All right. I’m not crazy about it, but—“ He offered her a leg up, which she didn’t need, but accepted.