Amateur Hour

Janice was silent, after they left Starkey’s office, each bearing a thick handbook, thrown on top of a carton of uniforms. Her lips remained sealed as they loaded their new uniforms into the back seat. She had nothing to say, when Liam started the car, and pulled out of the parking lot, either. This worried him. Unless she had her nose buried in a book, Jan was not given to long silences.

He gave her a sideways glance, as they started back toward the house. Her cheeks were flushed, and her brow was furrowed. Her lips were set in a thin line. Liam had the feeling he might be in trouble.

“You can say it,” he opened. “I messed up.”

“No. You can’t take all the credit, for this one. I agreed to it.”

“Jan, if I’d had any idea the place would be that stifling—“

“I know. It did look good, on paper. The money looked good, the location looked good, the job looked good. Maybe it all still is. I just… Well, I never saw myself as part of an enforcement team. I thought I’d sit in my little office, wait for students to come in, and give them kindly advice. Help them apply to colleges, or trade schools, that kind of thing. Cafeteria monitor was not on my bingo card. Nor were prison guard uniforms.”

“Well… It’ll save wear and tear on your own clothes,” he offered.

“Clothes are to wear, Liam. I like my clothes. They suit me.”

“They certainly do. You have nice taste, honey.”

The uniforms she had been issued were not suited to Jan’s style, he had to admit. The Navy blue skirts fell just below her calves, and the blouses, (three dark blue, three sky blue) were all long sleeved. According to the dress code, they had to be buttoned to the neck. Faux pearls were allowed, but could not exceed a certain length.

His own uniforms weren’t so bad. The slacks were Navy and he had been issued shirts in the same colors as Jan’s blouses. Three school ties had been added, but they were optional, and he was permitted to forgo the top two buttons, if he wore an undershirt.

Liam had attended private schools, with his sister, so the idea of uniforms wasn’t such a shock to his system, but he felt for Janice. Jan dressed tastefully, but she wasn’t without a sense of fun, in her clothing choices.

“I suppose I’ll adjust,” Janice said, with a sigh. “It’s got to be better than no job, at all.”

“It’s not your fault, that it went away. Budgets have a way of biting us all in the ass, sooner or later. You were better than that job, anyway.”

“You still had yours, and you liked it.”

“Now I have this one. We have our own house, and I live near my twin sister. Besides, men don’t care as much about what they wear to work, as women do.”

“It’s not all about the clothes.”

“I know. I didn’t miss the look on your face, when Starkey was going on about his ‘therapeutic’ educational program.”

“Did you see the looks on the kids’ faces, when they saw him coming?”

“I did, yes. He’s not popular, but that’s not uncommon for the principal.”

“Sugar, I get that you’re trying to see the best side of all of this, but…”

Liam sighed. “I’m being realistic, Jan. We’re here, now. This is the job that we have, now. We just have to make the best of it, until something else comes along. Don’t forget that these are troubled teens. The mission is to help them, while educating them. Maybe Starkey’s way isn’t your way, or mine, but that it doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its place. A little rigor never hurt anyone.”

“If that’s all it is. For all we know, the man has a dungeon with rubber hoses.”

Liam had to laugh. “I can’t say that he doesn’t look the type. You never know, though. He could be a fairly nice guy, out of uniform. Maybe he grills burgers, drinks beer and watches baseball, on the weekends.”

“No. He attends the funerals of people he doesn’t know, just to sign the guest books. He collects butterflies, and pins them, alive. His beverage of choice is formaldehyde.”

“That’s it— start getting it out of your system, now. You have another whole week to rant,” Liam grinned.

*************

Sanctuary Books was still open, when they pulled into the parking lot, at five pm on Saturday. Lisa didn’t notice them, at first; business was brisk. Janice found the place both unrecognizable, and familiar. Not so long ago, it was a cold, dusty, abandoned church. Now it was full of dignified activity. Patrons browsed shelves, sipped coffee at small tables in a roped-off section, where they could also buy baked snacks, and a children’s story time was just finishing up.

Liam had hared off into the history section, as he was wont to do in any bookstore. Janice grabbed a random book, and stood in line, to pay for it. While she waited, she also picked up a canvas tote bag, with the store logo, two bars of rose scented goat’s milk soap, a brass bookmark and two brochures for the Lovejoy Stables.

“I see you’ve adopted the impulse buy form of marketing,” she said, when she reached the counter. “Shame on you, Lisa!”

The proprietor’s face lit up, with delight. “You’re early,” she observed, with a broad smile.

“Of course. I just had to see this. It’s wonderful!” Janice laughed. “Is it always so busy?”

“We tend to have a little rush, on Saturday afternoon. People looking for their weekend reads. Are you sure you really want… ‘His Lordship’s Guilty Pleasure’?” she asked, reading the title aloud, with a raised eyebrow.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything, in my life. Bodice-rippers are my guilty pleasure.”

“Shocker,” Lisa deadpanned, and proceeded to ring up Janice’s items. She snipped the price tag off the tote and loaded the other items into it, then checked around, to make sure no one saw her toss the tag into the wastebasket behind the counter. “Family discount,” she whispered.

Janice stepped aside to wait for Liam, to work his way through the line. He was the last customer, and true to form, had copies of books that he already owned.

Lisa saw and interpreted her expression. “Give it up, Janice. You’ll never break him of the habit.”

“Honey, I gave it up, ages ago. It’s still fascinating to watch, though. It’s almost as if someone gave him a post-hypnotic suggestion to repeatedly buy certain books.”

“You have a dark mind,” Lisa chuckled. “It could be worse. Tuck owns ten pairs of non-prescription reading glasses, and he can never find a single one.”

“I can’t wait to see Tucker again,” she favored Lisa with an evil grin, then laughed when the other woman rolled her eyes. “You’re still not over it, are you?” she asked, referring to a past overt flirting episode, which had been strictly playful.

Lisa’s husband was charming, but in truth, a little too like Janice herself, for her own taste. She had always been drawn to men more like her Liam; the quiet, studious type. Janice liked the reward of drawing people out.

“Over what?” Liam asked, drawing up to the counter, finally.

“Just Janice, being Janice,” Lisa smiled. “You look great, Brother Liam. How’s the new house? All moved in?”

“We’re still sifting the small stuff,” he shrugged, smiling, too. “Looks like your life agrees with you, as well. I was worried, for a while. Do you ever hear from the Judge?”

“Almost every day. He likes to hang out, and give unsolicited advice about what I should be reading, as opposed to what I am reading. He’s good company, when business is slow. I never feel lonely, whether he’s talking, or not.”

Lisa glanced at the clock, over her shoulder. “I think I can shut it down, for the day,” she announced, slipping Liam’s books into the tote, with Janice’s things. “Why don’t you two help yourself to some coffee and a snack, while I finish up? Toni makes some of it, and the rest comes from a local bakery. It’s all killer.”

*******************

“I wonder who she is, and what she’s done, with my sister,” Liam mused, as they followed Lisa’s car onto the road toward her house.

“I’m sure a lot of it has to do with seeing you again, after so long,” his wife pointed out. “I’ll bet she still has her moments. She was a little piqued, when I joked about not being able to wait to see Tucker again.”

Liam groaned. “You just had to tease her about her one insecurity, didn’t you?”

“See, that’s what I don’t understand. Why the insecurity? Tucker is crazy about her—I saw it, when I first met him. Didn’t you?”

“No.” He hadn’t, in fact. He’d seen only someone who liked his sister, and therefore was subject to scrutiny. That the man had passed, didn’t make Liam regret the caution. Tuck was a great guy, in a crowd of other guys who hadn’t been so great. “I don’t think she did, either.”

“Maybe you’re right. I’ll be good,” she said.

“No, you won’t,” he chuckled. “Just try to go easy.”

***********************

The visit was perfect. Tucker and Will had shown them the new barn, which already had two occupants, plus the two fat little ponies that Will and Toni had rescued, and they had met Luna, finally. Janice could see why Lisa couldn’t stop talking about her — the mare really was gorgeous.

It was odd that Lisa hadn’t mentioned the three ribbons, they’d won, so far. They were kept in a display case, in an office across from the tack room, in the new barn. If Lisa wasn’t proud of them, Tucker certainly was, and it was touching to see; especially as his own case was crammed with awards, old and new.

The baby boy was a delight, though he did get a bit fussy, toward the end of the visit. The meal that they were fed, through the combined efforts of Toni and Lisa, was excellent.

Janice was sorry when they had to leave. They had planned to visit, last weekend, but it hadn’t happened. Now, they were just one day away from the one Janice had been dreading.

**************

Janice put the finishing touches on her makeup, donned one of the lighter blue blouses, sneered at the string of fake pearls, and emerged into the bedroom, where Liam was knotting his tie in front of the mirror.

“I give you: Ms. Frump,” she declared modeling her outfit, when he had turned around to face her.

“Mrs. Frump,” he corrected her. “’Ms’ isn’t an approved honorific. Does that make me Mr. Frump?”

“I’m afraid the condition of being a frump is inherent only to ladies,” Janice sighed. It was four am, and she didn’t have much sense of humor, at that hour.

“I think you look very pretty. No pearls, though?”

“I’d rather wear a string of garlic, thank you.” Janice examined herself, in the mirror, then turned to look at her profile. “Lovely. I need shape-wear, with this skirt. I look like a potbelly pig.”

“You look like my beautiful wife, and I love you,” he said, encircling her with his arms, from behind.

“I look like a Stepford wife. I expect you to be introducing me at dinner, to a new acquaintance — who just happens to be a robotics engineer.”

“Nope. Some things just can’t be duplicated.” He planted a kiss on her neck, and released her. “It’s a nice color, on you. Brings out your eyes.” He sat down on the end of the bed, and reached for his slippers. “I’d better let Spike out.” He drew on his right slipper, and uttered a grunt of disgust. “What the hell? They’re wet!”

“Did you leave them too close to the shower, when you were in there?” Janice asked, inserting earrings.

“I didn’t wear them in there.” He brought the slippers up, for closer examination. “It’s yellow. I can’t believe that dog peed on my slippers!”

“Well, I didn’t pee on them. Occam’s Razor.”

“That little miscreant. I wonder where else he’s leaving puddles.”

“Never mind, honey. They’re white— we’ll just toss them in, with a bleach load, later. Wear your flip-flops,” she suggested.

Muttering and grumbling, Liam took her advice.

“And, don’t yell at him,” she added. “Poor little guy has been completely uprooted. It could be a reaction to that.”

**************

The school swam out to meet them, from a sea of fog, and Janice was again reminded of the fictitious Lowood, from Jane Eyre. Like the school in the novel, New Canaan was located in a damp low lying area. Typhus might not be a problem, here, but Janice was willing to bet that students had caught malaria, in the hundred years that the place had been open. The mosquitoes in high summer must be fierce.

She shouldered her transparent PVC bag, and followed Liam to the front doors to be searched, before being granted entry. She wanted to hold his hand, as she usually did, but (of course) displays of affection were forbidden on school grounds. No exceptions.

The guards on duty were a joyless lot, with flat affects and voices devoid of inflection. They were, however, efficient. By the time, she and Liam had passed through the metal detectors and had their bags scanned, the guard at the end of the gauntlet had located their ID badge lanyards, and had them on hand. Janice had to wonder why transparent satchels needed to be scanned, but she didn’t ask.

There was another perfunctory meeting with Starkey, in his office. Janice could sense that he was inspecting them, and despite their scrupulous adherence to the dress codes, found them somehow wanting. Maybe that was also part of his job, Janice thought.

After a quick review of meal etiquette, which amounted to a quiz, she and Liam were handed off to two ‘Honors’ students who led them to their respective posts. It hit Janice like a brick wall falling on her head, that when she and Liam parted company at the door of the Dean’s office, they were parting, for the rest of the day.

“I’m sorry, dear; I didn’t catch your name,” she said to her escort.

“Because it wasn’t given,” the tall, dark haired girl replied, with something of a smirk. “Dr. Sh — Starkey is falling down on the job. I’m Steph Howard, ma’am.” The smirk softened into a more genuine, if cautious smile.

“Well, I’m pleased to meet you, Steph. I’m Janice.”

“No, ma’am. You’re Mrs. Miles. And, if anyone else is around, I’m Miss Howard. They’re not quite so strict here, that it’s last names only, but…almost. Would you like to go to your office and lock up your satchel, before breakfast?”

“Do you think someone would covet my pens and papers?” Janice joked.

“No, ma’am,” the girl smiled. “But you might want to keep an eye on your phone. We aren’t allowed to have them, so they’re always the first things to go missing.”

“How do you contact your parents, in an emergency?” Janice asked, frowning.

“The dorm supervisor lets us know if we have an emergency, then someone calls our parents.” Steph gave her an ‘it is what it is’ shrug, and a sidelong glance, as though measuring her reaction. “You’re going to need a better poker face, Mrs. Miles.” she remarked, after a pause.

“Why is that? Am I not allowed to disapprove?”

“You can disapprove, all you want, ma’am. It’s just better, if you don’t show it. Look, you seem like a nice lady—or, at least, you’re not rotten. I have a nose for that stink; I can smell it a mile away. So, I’ll tell you this: most of the Honors students are not your friends. They’re rats. Privileged rats.”

“Informants.”

“You got it. I’m a rat, too. I have to be, you understand. I just don’t rat on people who might get…hurt. No one is safe, not even faculty. I’m going to tell Sharkey that you introduced yourself as ‘Janice’. He might let it slide, or he might give you a slap on the wrist.”

“But, you have to give him something,” Janice nodded.

“You’re catching on. You’re new, so it’s not much of an infraction. Worst you’ll get is a lecture.”

“Thank you for you honesty,” Miss Howard. “Maybe it’ll keep me from getting squashed.”

“Maybe. But, I doubt it. Here we are.”

They stopped outside the door to Janice’s office.

“We should hurry,” Steph said. “If we’re late for breakfast, everyone will notice.”

Janice stowed her satchel hastily, then rejoined her escort at the door, locking it, behind her.