Amateur Hour

Liam

In the two weeks following their visit to his sister, even Liam couldn’t deny the tension in the air, around them. The students seemed to be holding their collective breath, and at the same time, the boys, as Jan had predicted, had developed a tendency to act out.

Youngsters who had taken to him, at first, had begun to eye him with sullen suspicion, and to whisper, behind his back. He’d begun to notice a peculiar gesture, in the halls—a new sign added to their nonverbal lexicon. They used it, whenever he approached a group of them, in the halls, before quickly dispersing.

“You’ve arrived,” Janice’s friend, Ted Billie remarked, when asked about it.

Liam had cornered him, on impulse, in the teachers lounge. “They see you as problematic. Congratulations, I guess.” Ted added.

“What does it mean?” Liam frowned. He demonstrated by holding out his hand, with the first three fingers folded over the thumb, then holding up his index finger.

“Nothing too bad. It’s manual alphabet ‘M’ and number ‘one’. M-One. My guess is that your wife would be M-Two. Could be worse. At least it’s not a straight fingered hand with a vertical thumb, to represent a shark,” he referred to the sign for Starkey.

“Why would we be problematic?” Liam’s frown deepened into a scowl. “What have we done?”

“Nothing, as far as I know. As signs go, it’s neutral. What they find problematic is that they don’t know if you can be trusted.”

“Did you get the same treatment?”

“Sure. This is me—“ Ted held out his hand with the four fingers snapping down, straight, onto the ball of his thumb. “A gator, in case you didn’t recognize it,” he grinned. “It’s a hoot, really. I don’t wrestle alligators—I avoid them, like anyone else with any sense.”

“A bit racist, of them, don’t you think?”

“Nah,” Ted waved it away. “It’s just expedient. You can’t blame them, for that. Covert communication needs to be quick. They’re usually so fast, most people don’t notice. You have a sharp eye.”

“That, or my attention is on the students, not…elsewhere.”

“You’ve noticed the way some of the staff walks around, in a state of near oblivion, have you?”

“How could I miss it? It’s like some of them are on drugs, or something.” Liam had lowered his voice and leaned closer, The lounge was beginning to fill up.

“Or something,” Ted repeated. “Word of advice—steer clear of any informal faculty parties, in River Woods.”

“I live there, on Blue Springs Drive.”

“I know. Janice mentioned it. My wife and I are on the next block, to the east. Don’t go to any faculty parties, especially the ones they jokingly call ‘Faculty Meetings’. Those are a kind of special that you don’t want anything to do with.”

“You’ve attended one?”

“One. The wife didn’t speak to me for two weeks, afterward.”

“She was that mad?”

“She was that shocked.”

Any amusement Liam had been on the verge of feeling, dried up, at the dark look on Ted Billie’s face. “I’ll tell you more, some other time,” Ted promised, draining his cup, and closing his laptop. I have written book reports to grade, before lunch, and here’s your lady, in any case.” He nodded to the doorway, where Janice had just entered.

He got up and met Janice halfway. They exchanged a few words, and he left.

“Hi, handsome stranger,” she greeted him, taking the seat Ted had just vacated.

“Hi, beautiful lady,” he smiled, then tapped the place just below his throat, in the most subtle way he could manage.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks,” she replied, quickly securing her top collar button. “How’s your day going?”

“Strange, strained, and a little stressful. How’s yours?”

“Productive. One of your boys is a genius, by the way.”

“My boys?”

“One of the ones at your dining hall table. Bobby Miller.”

“Ah, my ‘professional truant’,” Liam smiled, remembering how Miller had introduced himself, the first day. “He’s a junior, in advanced placement.”

“He ought to be a freshman, in college.”

Liam’s laughter was without malice. “He’s smart as a whip, sure, but he doesn’t have much of a gift, for focus, in class. Phenomenal memory, though.”

“He’s bored, Liam.”

“Probably. History doesn’t fascinate everyone. No, Jan — I know what you’re saying. He’s not being adequately challenged. I suppose that would lead to truancy, in the real world. Here, he’s pinned down, and as a result, disruptive.”

“Is he very much so?”

“Not always, no. Often enough. This has been a tough week, with him, and it’s only Wednesday. All of the boys are acting weird, but Miller is not only disruptive, he’s been something of a bully. It’s not like him.”

“He’s not a big kid. How is he being a bully?”

“Using his best weapon. His brain. Ordinarily, he’s helpful, to other students. Lately, he’s just condescending and nasty. I’m trying to cut him some slack, because I don’t want to have him snatched up and medicated, because I complained.”

Janice sighed. “He’s already been snatched up and medicated, but you didn’t hear that, from me.”

“Now I wonder what’s gotten into you. It isn’t like you, to discuss the students, by name, or to disclose anything, even to me.”

“You’re right. We should drop it.”

“Jan —” he began, but he didn’t know how to finish. He had seen her silently angry, before. He had occasionally seen her too despondent to talk. He had seen her preoccupied; but he had never seen her shut down. It was low level terrifying, and he would have given his next paycheck to have taken his words back.

“I suppose the lines got blurred there, for a moment,” she said. “I should be getting back at it, anyway. I have three kids scheduled for aptitude tests, in a few minutes. One of them is one of your students, too, but I won’t disclose which.” Janice got up, and quietly collected her cup and untouched protein bar.

Now, she was angry. It wasn’t any better than the sudden shut down. He hadn’t meant any harm, but somehow, he had done some. It was baffling and frustrating.

“Sorry you missed Ted,” some demon made him say.

“So am I. Catch you later.”

*******

“You’re going to have to talk to me, eventually,” Liam said, when they were almost halfway home.

“I wouldn’t put money on that, if I were you,” Janice replied.

“At least tell me what it was in what I said, that pissed you off, so much.”

“You haven’t figured it out? I’m flabbergasted.” Her tone said she wasn’t surprised, in the least.

“Is this one of those, ‘if you can’t guess, I won’t tell you’ things?”

“No, I’d be happy to tell you. I can’t wait to tell you, as a matter of fact. It’s this: I was discussing a student, on a professional level, with a colleague, and my husband had to stick his nose into the conversation. When I said the lines got blurred, I didn’t mean that I was the one who blurred them.”

Liam released a deep breath through pursed lips. She was right, he realized. He’d done exactly that.

“That was beyond disrespectful. I’m very sorry, Jan.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. That was hitting below the belt. I guess I still haven’t perfected the skill of thinking, before I speak.”

“Well — it did give me the opportunity to think about all the ways I could make your demise look like an accident,” she said, with a tiny smile. “It was a good creative exercise.”

“Just don’t use poison, please. It’s not right that a man’s last meal should be tainted.”

“No. I couldn’t make that look like an accident. I was thinking a fatal fall, while you attempted to fix our dangling rain gutter might be the way to go. I could rig that, I think.”

“It would be very credible, given my track record with do it yourself projects– if I hadn’t already called someone else to fix it.”

“That was the hole, in the plan,” Janice nodded. “And, Lisa might actually miss you. Also, I look really washed out, in black.”

“You really do, honey,” he agreed. “Prison orange wouldn’t do you any favors, either.”

Janice smiled, and took his hand.

“Still,” he resumed, “I think we should eat dinner out, tonight. Just in case.”

*******

Janice

As far as Janice was concerned, the incident was forgiven, by the time they had ordered their meal, and an insignificant memory, by the time they had finished their salads. Liam had gone out of his way to exert all of his nerdy charm throughout the meal.

There was something to be said for clumsy charm, she reflected. It was more genuine, than the polished variety, and more endearing. Besides, she hated being angry with Liam. It was a rare and alien feeling.

“It really is a shame you didn’t get there, in time for the conversation I was having, with Ted,” Liam said, buttering a dinner roll.

“Oh, stop!” she laughed.

“No, I’m serious. Did you realize that we’ve managed to ensconce ourselves into an enclave of New Canaan faculty?”

“I know Ted and his wife live there. He mentioned it, last week, I think.”

“He’s not the only one, it turns out. I suppose it’s not too surprising. Our little subdivision is barely a wide spot, in the road, and the teachers have to live somewhere. Anyway, he was telling me that there are certain parties and gatherings that we want to avoid.”

“Really? I don’t think we have to worry too much about that,” she shrugged. “We don’t travel in those circles. Who would want to party with those people, anyway? They don’t look like much fun.”

“I’m glad we agree, on that.” Liam wiped his lips, with his napkin, and reached into the front pocket of his trousers. He placed a folded piece of paper in front of her, then resumed eating his steak.

Janice unfolded it. It was a flyer announcing a “New Canaan Faculty Pot Luck!!” for the upcoming Saturday at a house two streets over from theirs.

“Huh…” she said.

“It was in my mailbox. Landed there, just after lunch.”

“Wonder why I didn’t get one. Don’t people usually stick something like this in everyone’s cubbyhole?”

“One would think so. But, no. I saw a couple of others, but that was all. Plenty of other mail, though, in other boxes. Seems kind of targeted, for a flyer that’s made to look deliberately generic, right?”

“I thought you didn’t put any credence in my vaporings,” Janice said.
“I never said that. I said almost the opposite, if you recall. I said that there are things that you don’t want to investigate, too closely, because they could be dangerous.”

He was right. That was more or less the gist of what he had said.

“Of course, you do realize that this makes me want to go, right?” she grinned at her adorable, earnest, nerdy husband.

“Too bad. We’re not going.”

“Oh, come on. It’s not a late party. It even has a set ending time.” She was teasing him. The last thing she really wanted to do was hobnob with a bunch of stiffs at a gathering that would probably have all the ambiance of an Amway party.

“Jan, no. I mean it.”

He was so cute, when he was obstinate.

“Killjoy. Now we’ll never fit in, with the popular kids.”

“If I were you, I’d be looking for the unpopular kids. So far, you’ve found only one.”

“What do you think of Ted, now that you’ve talked to him, a bit?”

“He’s nice enough. Cryptic, though. He didn’t tell me why the parties are bad, just that they are. I felt a little like he was jerking me around. He’s no older than we are, but you’d think he was ancient, the way he talks. In short, I don’t know if I like him, or not.”

“See, I do. He seems like someone who can be trusted.”

*******

Guy

Guy took a long drag on his Newport, exhaled it, and began to sneeze. The air was flat and still, tonight, so his smoke wasn’t going anywhere. To top it off, his allergies were acting up. Spring — what a glorious time of year, for water oaks, and those allergic to them, he thought, dabbing at his runny eyes and nose with a fresh handkerchief.

Shouldn’t be out too long tonight, though, and at least it was still too early for many mosquitoes. He’d dealt death slaps to a couple, but they weren’t out in force, yet. He prayed he wouldn’t still be here, come high summer.

Presently, Steph came into view; a dim figure, on the path.

“What’s the good word, Schoolgirl?” he asked softly, so as not to startle her. “Is Abuelo feeling better?”

“Obviously, or we would both be out of here. Wish the old fart would die, already.”

“Four days. I was starting to worry a bit.”

“I took a little time to see my kid. Is that okay with you?”

“You know I didn’t mean it that way. I missed you, is all.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s been nearly five months. That’s too long, with only short visits. Is he good?”

“He’s getting big,” she laughed, sadly. “He’s nearly as tall as you, vato. You’ve only got about eight inches on him.”

“Damn. What’s he — like nine?”

“Just turned ten. That’s why I was away for four days. They let me have his birthday.”

“Wish I’d known. I’d have had my sister send him a gift. Is he still into model trucks?”

“Big time. He likes them all, as long as they’re vintage.”

“I’ll have Christina look for something nice.”

“That’s sweet, Guy.”

“It’s nothing. He’s a good kid, even if his dad’s a pendejo.”

Guy lit another smoke, and sneezed, some more. He offered Steph the pack, and she took one. He lit it, for her. “You got rid of the evidence, then?”

He was referring to the ring and the chain.

“Yeah. Don’t ask me how I got it out through the metal detectors.”

“Same way it got in, I imagine. Guess we’re lucky the squat-and-cough isn’t a thing, here.”

“Guess so.”

“No news?”

“None. Heard a funny rumor, though— some Deputy Dawg in Georgia has been asking questions. Are any of the boys from Georgia?”

“I don’t think so. I’ll ask around.”

“Probably just a dumb rumor, anyway.”

“None of the girls know anyone, either?”

“So far, no. No one close, anyway. No immediate family, uncles, cousins…”

“Probably for the best. Can’t imagine why a Georgia deputy…” he trailed off.

“What?” Steph asked, flicking ash from the end of her cig.

“Mrs. Miles.”

“I think she’s from Louisiana.”

“Yeah, but she told me, a few weeks ago, that she has a brother-in-law who used to be a Deputy Sheriff.”

“In Georgia? I doubt it.”

“Me, too. I have an appointment, tomorrow, to find out what I should be, when I grow up. Maybe I could find something out about the brother-in-law, too.”

“Dog groomer. You’re definitely dog groomer material, Guy.”

“I wish,” he laughed. “I like dogs, and it sounds uncomplicated.”

They smoked in silence for a moment.

“I don’t suppose you checked…”

“Yeah. She’s gone. Not a trace left.”

“Looks like the ball’s in your court, now. I wish we could stop the whole game.”

“We may have to involve someone.”

“How about Billie? He’s not like the others.”

“He’s not, but…” Guy trailed off, again, and crushed out his cigarette. He couldn’t tell her about the vibe he got from Ted Billie, because he couldn’t explain it, to himself. It was contradictory, on several fronts. “He’s been here, too long. If he hasn’t seen anything for himself, he probably wouldn’t be open to thinking there’s anything to see.”

“Do you have someone else, in mind, then?”

“Maybe. Are you game to meet up, tomorrow?”

“I suppose. Don’t press your luck again, though. You were a little reckless, last time.”

“And, I made it this time. Told you, Miller isn’t a rat. He hasn’t even mentioned it. You worry, too much, Steph.”

Steph sighed, and turned to go. He followed her, thinking, as always, that she must have eyes like a cat. She never used her own flashlight, that he’d seen, and never stumbled over a root, either. It was a skill he could have used, he reflected. Still, he had others.

**************

Janice

“You’re fashionably late again, Mr. Ramirez,” Janice frowned, when the young man entered, after a soft knock.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Miles, truly—I was talking to a friend who was upset about something.”

Janice could see this was the truth. Guy’s affected smartass demeanor was somewhat dimmed, and he looked preoccupied.

“Would you like to reschedule this?” she offered.

“No, thanks. I can’t do anything for him, right now, anyway.”

“Could I?”

“Not unless you can get him out of here,” Guy shrugged.

“I probably couldn’t do that, but I might be able to intervene, some other way. Is he having problems with a teacher?”

“I’d say he’s having problems with almost all of them. But, today’s the day you tell me what I might be good for, no?”

The subject was changed, and a semblance of the smart-Alec was back. Janice sat back, a little, and opened a manila folder, on her desk.

“According to just this one test, there are a lot of things that you might do well. And, yes, private investigation is one of them — so is law enforcement,” she added, with a tiny smile. “Also listed, are veterinary health, animal husbandry, graphics and design, culinary arts, and horticulture.”

“Culinary arts? That can’t be right,” he laughed. “I can burn water, in a microwave.”

“Well, the ones at the end tend to be broader categories, and there’s some margin for error,” Janice smiled. “Still, not a bad set of options, insofar as variety goes.”

“I guess not. Law enforcement…” he shook his head. “Can’t believe you called that one. Do I remind you of your brother-in-law, or something?”

“In some ways. You’re both tenacious, and you’re good at putting clues together.”

“And he lived long enough to retire, huh?”

“He has a riding stable, now. He likes animals too, but horses are his favorites.”

“Sounds like he did good, for a cop.”

“He saved his money, and land in Georgia isn’t as expensive as land, here.”

“True, that,” Guy nodded. “You can buy some choice, useless swamp land here, for half a million bucks. My Mom’s apartment complex is built on some.”

There was something odd about this statement. Janice had to wonder who was paying for Guy’s tuition, here.

He flashed her the big grin, again. “No, she doesn’t live there,” he chuckled. “She owns it. My Ma’s a slumlord. Her term is ‘developer’, but mine is more accurate. My old man sells junk bonds, and I’m here, in virtual prison.”

He looked amused by the irony, and less angry about it than Janice would have been, in his position. He was lying to her, she realized, with a jolt. Lying about some of it, all of it—she didn’t know which, or why. Funny, how he’d expressed a liking for cars, but nothing even remotely connected with vehicles had shown on the test, as an interest, let alone any aptitude.

“You can check, you know, if you don’t believe me,” he said. His smile had faded a bit.

She was sure she could do just that. Suddenly, she was certain he would have a cover story that would pass average scrutiny, and match what he had told her, to the letter. Janice leaned back in her chair, tilted her head to one side, and asked: “How long have you been a cop, Mr. Ramirez?”

***

Guy

Guy wanted to kick himself, and worse. He’d gone too deep into his cover story. Why in hell had he done that? He should have stopped at the part about expensive swamp land, but no — he’d had to gone on, to blather about his fictitious parents.

Because, if you want to save Miller, you have to cut to the chase, he thought.

It was mind boggling, how quickly she’d made him. Was his cover that bad, or was his presentation off, today?

“I’m not,” he replied. His cover was blown, but he wasn’t burned, yet. “Not exactly. I’m with a private firm.”

“How… How do you have a cover in place?”

“They’re called hackers, Mrs. Miles,” he smiled. “And forgers. It’s a private school, so the administration takes you at your word. They do financial checks on the parents and guardians, but they don’t bother with background checks on the students. Of course, my parents, in this instance, are the product of someone’s imagination.”

“If you hadn’t overplayed your hand, just a little, I would never have caught on. Of course, I won’t say anything, even to my husband.”

“I might need you to tell your husband, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone else.”

“I won’t. Are you investigating the missing kids?”

“Are you?” he countered. “Scuttlebutt is that there’s a Georgia deputy interested in the case, and for the life of me, I can’t understand why.”

“I’m worried about the kids, yes. My brother-in-law is retired, but he knows people. He offered to find out what they might know, since I can’t ask, and expect any kind of answer. I haven’t heard anything from him.”

“Maybe he’ll have better luck than others have had—professional courtesy and all that. No one in my firm is owed that, so… The Department is a dead end, for us.”

Guy paused, then took the leap. “Mrs. Miles, there’s a student, right now, who is in immanent danger. I can sneak him out of the building, but I can’t get him off campus. My team can’t even access the property—if I could call them, without being caught.”

“While my husband and I can,” she nodded. “But, it would be after dark, and after hours. We’d need a pretext.”

“Leave something behind. A bag, a briefcase. Come back, and retrieve it.”

“The parking lot has cameras.”

“And, the cameras have blind spots. One of them is at the very far end of the administration building. Whichever end of a vehicle that faces the building can’t be seen on camera. It’s also dark.”

“How can you know that?”

“Like Patsy Cline, sometimes I go out walkin’ after midnight. I’ve seen guards take their smoke breaks there,” he smiled.

“Clever.”

“If one of you were to back your car in, it would be easy to put my young friend into the trunk.”

“We drive a Suburban.”

“Even better.”

“I don’t know if we could do it, tonight, even if I could sell Liam on the notion.”

“No, not tonight. Tomorrow would work better, anyway.”

“How do I let you know if it’s on, or not?”

“Just summon me back to your office. No one bats an eye at arbitrary shit like that. Around here, the more you flex your authority, the more respect you get.”