Amateur Hour

Liam

“I don’t see any way around it,” Liam concluded, at the end of his explanation of the day’s events, to Ted. “If we don’t go to the police, it’s going to look funny, to whomever planted that camera. They saw Janice find one of their bugs.”

“You’re right,” Ted surprised him. “I think it’s a test. The camera was so flagrant, though the listening devices were hidden. Somebody suspects me, and wants to know whether or not you’re connected. If you are, they’ll expect you to remove the camera and bugs yourself, and say nothing.”

“What kind of mess will it cause, calling in the cops?”

“None, or they wouldn’t have been so obvious. Just act like John Q. Public. Freaked out, concerned, and confounded.”

“Think they’ll come back, and do a more discreet job, next time?”

“Who knows? I picked up a couple of white noise generators, for the mics in my place. I’m turning them on and off at irregular intervals, to make it seem like random interference. I have more of the things on order, for your desk, Janice’s; mine. I’ll get a few more, for your house, too, just in case.”

“No need, but thanks. I’ve already ordered a few, for the house. Good idea for the desks, though. I hadn’t thought about that one. It should have been obvious.”

“Not really. It’s downright paranoid, but I’m comfortable with that. I have other character defects that are more worrisome,” he joked.

“Maybe we should start playing musical tables in the teachers lounge, too,” Janice suggested.

“Or just stick to mundane topics,” Ted replied. “That’s the most foolproof way to go about it, I think. Let them listen all they want to a bunch of nothing.”

*******

“Why did you fib about having ordered the white noise machines?” Janice asked, after the call was over.

“Call it pride, ego, whatever,” Liam admitted. “I’ll take care of my family, and my home. Ted can take care of his. I don’t need a big brother. I’ve always been the big brother,” he added with a hint of a scowl.

“Ah…”

“’Ah’, what?”

Janice smiled at him. “’Ah’, that’s what it is, with you and Ted. That’s why he irritates you. You think he’s trying to turn you into the little brother. I’m not saying you’re wrong. He does come off, like that, sometimes. I’m just surprised that it bothers you, so much.”

“Could be a guy thing,” Liam returned her smile.

“Must be. I can defer to another woman, when I think she’s right. But, maybe that’s just me.”

“I did tell him he had the right idea.”

“You did. And he told you that you were right about calling in the police. If you’re not careful, you may just learn how to work with each other.”

“I never thought I was that guy, you know,” Liam said, stretching out on the bed. “That insecure guy. The resentful nerd. I thought I was the cheerful, easygoing nerd.”

Janice laughed and joined him. Spike hopped up onto the bed, too, and settled in the small of Jan’s back.

“You are, most of the time,” she assured him, laying her arm across his chest.

**************

Guy

“Where is she?” ‘Uncle’ Julio demanded, in Guy’s ear. Guy grinned to himself. All morning, he had been in doubt as to Steph’s having gotten away, cleanly. This was evidence, that she had.

“You tell me, Tio — you had her last,” Guy retorted. “All I know is, she didn’t show up, this morning.” He glanced at Starkey’s secretary who was paying him no mind. Any small interest she might have had, in the conversation, had vanished, when Guy had begun speaking Spanish.

“She left everything in her motel room. Clearly, she had a plan, and it didn’t include finishing her job. I don’t think she came up with that plan, alone.”

“Fire me, then, if you think I had something to do with it. I dare you.”

“I could do that. You’d never see her again, Guillermo. If you tried, you’d lead me straight to her.”

“And, then what? You’d hurt her, for quitting a job, without notice? Do you even hear yourself, ‘Tio’ Julio? You sound loco, dude.” Guy paused. “She got scared. I don’t blame her.”

“She left you, holding the bag. You don’t resent it, even a little bit?” The question was put in Julio’s patented, silken tone. His ‘fishing’ tone.

“Can’t waste my time, resenting it. I have work, to do. Unless you have other ideas.” Guy doubted it. Julio wasn’t really an ‘ideas’ kind of man, unless one counted business models.

The sum of Julio’s other talents were a crude ability to manipulate others, and gift for reading people. It hit Guy, like a blow to the head — the realization that he despised the man.

“It’s too late to pull you out,” Julio admitted.

“I imagine the client wouldn’t like it, having to start over,” Guy agreed.

“Be on the watch for your next partner, then. I believe I’ll send in Kayla.”

Guy stifled a groan. Kayla was fairly new, on the scene. She had little to offer except a youthful appearance, and keen observational skills. Guy had no illusions. Kayla was being sent in to observe him.

“High time she got her hands-on,” was all he said, trying to sound amenable.

“I think so, too. I’m sure you’ll take care of her.”

“I’ll treat her like my car.” The comment was flippant and deadpan. Indeed, he would; he kept his prized Mustang in a closed garage, under a cover, and only drove it on occasion. Most of his actual driving was done in a company car.

“Good,” Julio replied, oblivious of the distinction.

They ended their call on equable terms, enough– or, so it would seem, from Guy’s tone of voice to anyone eavesdropping.

“I hope there’s no more trouble, at home, Mr. Ramirez,” the secretary said, when Guy had hung up.

She was nice enough lady, so he smiled at her, as he replied. “No trouble; just my uncle in a panic because he lost something. He loaned it to me, but he got it back.” Guy shrugged. “Old guys. What are you gonna do?”

“I suppose, at your age, everyone seems old,” she cooed, batting her eyes.

Scratch that. Not nice, after all. Creepy, as the rest of them.

“No, he really is,” his grin broadened, as he sized her up. “He’s pushing forty.”

The smile disappeared, and the secretary’s face darkened. She wasn’t a day under fifty.

“Don’t let me keep you, from your next class, Mr. Ramirez,” she replied, with unmistakable frost.

*******

At the end of History class, Mr. Miles snagged Guy, on his way out, and closed the door.

“Have I done something?” Guy asked, sinking into one of the desks at the front of the room while Liam pushed a small, grey gadget aside to perch on the edge of his desk.

“No, and I won’t keep you a minute, but I have a favor to ask of you, directly from your client.”

Guy was all ears, at this interesting development. He was both burning with curiosity to know the client’s identity, and an equally strong desire not to know.

“I’m not at liberty to tell you this person’s name, of course,” Liam continued.

“I didn’t think you would be,” Guy replied. “It’s probably better, that way. What does he, or she, need?”

“Records. Archived student records. I figure six samples should do it. Three boys, three girls.”

“Missing students.”

“Yes. For a more in-depth look at what they might have had, in common.”

Guy exhaled, blowing the breath out, through pursed lips.

“It’s a big ask. I don’t know if it’s even possible.” Something occurred to him, then. “How recent do they have to be? The difference is in where they’re kept,” he explained. “The most recent ones are in Starkey’s outer office. Older ones are in the unused part of the school. I could get you as many of those, as you want.”

“If you could get the three most recent, before Miller, that would be excellent. Would it help if you had a camera?”

“Yeah, if I can gain access, to Sharkey’s lair, it would.”

Miles went around to the back side of his desk, and pulled something out of his top drawer. It was a smart phone, with a blue sticky note attached to the screen.

“Prepaid. The number on the paper is mine. Text me, if you need more minutes added. I know I don’t need to tell a pro not to store any numbers, and to delete the photos, as soon as you send them.”

“But, you are, anyway,” Guy grinned. “Not to worry, Mr. Miles. It’s not my first burner phone. Smart of you, to think of supplying one.”

“Use it, to communicate with anyone you need to. Don’t worry about burning minutes.”

“I’ll guard it with my life, and I won’t store a thing, on it.”

“If I were you, I’d download some games, and the usual apps that teenagers use.”

“Good idea. It would look like ordinary contraband, that way. You’re more devious than you look, Mr. Miles.” He smiled, and inclined his head toward the new white noise machine, on the corner of the teacher’s desk. “Say, how is my old buddy?”

“He’s very well. I think he likes it, where he’s at. I’ll see if I can get you a good number for him, if you like.”

“That would be great. Oh, and please, tell Mrs. Miles that she doesn’t have to worry about Steph Howard. She’s safe.”

“You’re sure?”

“Very sure.”

“I’ll tell her. Thank you, for that.”

“Mrs. Miles is a sweet lady. I don’t want her to worry, if she doesn’t need to.”

Liam nodded his thanks, with a smile, and glanced at his watch.

“I didn’t want to make you tardy, but it looks like I did.”

“It’s just study hall. They’re used to me being fashionably late.”

“I’ll write you a pass.”

“Thanks, but no — you’ll ruin my punk image.”

Guy rose, ensured that the phone’s ringer was disabled, and dropped the device down his shirt, off to one side. It was invisible, now, under the cover of his blazer.

“How did you smuggle it in, anyway?” he asked.

“Faraday pouch, vacuum sealed in plastic, in the bottom of a stainless steel thermos. Full of lukewarm coffee with creamer.”

“Very clever.”

“It was a collaboration. The thermos was Jan’s idea, the coffee was mine, and the Faraday pouch. The sealer was a wedding gift, from my sister. I never thought we’d use it, for anything.”

*******

Liam

Liam arrived to find his house empty, his wife’s car gone, and a note on the kitchen table, next to two slices of untouched toast.

‘With Hannah,’ it read. ‘Love you; Jan.’

With Hannah — not ‘with Nina’ or, more typical of Jan’s style: ‘Sugar, I got bored, so I’ve run over to see Nina, for a while. Back soon. Love, Jan. PS — Put something out to thaw, for dinner.’

He stared at the paper in his hand. It was legible, but it had been hastily written. She must have taken Spike, with her, too. Not only had he not gotten his customary welcome home, the dog was nowhere to be seen.

Something was was up, and it wasn’t good. Liam pulled out his phone, and called his wife’s number.

“Liam—“ she answered, at once.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

On the other end, Janice drew a deep breath, to steady herself.

“I’m not sure anything is very wrong,” she replied. Her voice told him she was lying. “Hannah called me, about forty minutes ago. She’d been alone for two hours. Nina ran to the convenience store, for a couple of things, and she hasn’t come back, yet. Ted just walked in the door. Can you come?”

“Of course. I’m on my way.”

*******

“We’re waiting on the Sheriff’s department,” Ted said, stepping aside for Liam to enter. His face was grim, but he was still calm.

“Want me to go around the neighborhood, and see if I can spot any sign of her?” Liam offered, on the threshold.

“I thought I’d do that, but I don’t want to leave the ladies alone. God knows how long it’ll take, for a deputy to get here. Will you stay with them, while I have a look around?”

“Of course, I will.”

“It shouldn’t take long. There are really only a few places she might be. More than likely, she’s sitting somewhere with a flat, waiting on roadside assistance, and forgot to call.”

Liam could see he didn’t believe his own words, but he stepped inside, even as Ted stepped out.

“She wouldn’t forget to call,” Hannah remarked, as Liam joined her and Janice, in the living room. “I’ve never seen anyone so conscientious. Thank you, both, for coming.”

“Can I make you something, Hannah?” Janice asked. “Some tea, or…”

“Nothing for me, thanks. I still have plenty of tea, in my pet mug, here.” She indicated the large plastic travel mug, with its lid and straw. “Make some coffee or something for you and Liam, though, if you want. All of the things are on the counter, next to the pot.”

“I think I will, if you don’t mind. I’m not good at sitting still, when I’m worried,” Janice said.

She got up and went into the kitchen, leaving Liam alone, with the old lady, and at something of a loss. He simply didn’t know what to say.

“She has a good heart, your Janice,” Hannah observed. “She didn’t hesitate, to come over, even though the last time she saw me, I was having a chuckle at her.”

Liam smiled. “She’d never hold that against you. She was annoyed with the men, that evening. She really likes Nina. We both do.” He was quiet, for a moment. “Does Nina often run out for short trips to the store?”

“All the time,” Hannah replied, not misinterpreting his question as a criticism. “I can fend for myself for a while, if she sees to me, before she leaves. I’m feeble, but I can manage to get to the bathroom, in a crunch.”

Liam was a little embarrassed by the details, and silently berated himself for it. He had asked.

“It’s not unusual for her to go grocery shopping and run an errand or two, for an hour and a half,” Hannah continued. “It never takes her more than fifteen minutes at the little store, though. Well — once she had car trouble, but she did call. Ted thinks she gets more flustered than she really does.”

“I think he’s trying to reassure himself.”

“I wonder how that’s working, for him.” Hannah gave him an unexpected smile. “Things have been very entertaining around here, since Nina met Janice. Most of Ted’s mythology around Nina has gone up in smoke. Particularly the part about her being imprudent, and slightly helpless. He’s worried, but not for the same reasons as he would have been.”

“You sound like you’ve always known better.”

“Nina has more sense than anyone thinks. If she’s childlike, in some ways, well, she is a child. Come back again, in ten years. When she was a little girl, she had a way of looking at things that would make you think about your own notions. She’s always been practical, though. Managed to civilize Ted.”

“He wasn’t civilized?”

“He was angry; suspicious. Nina salvaged him. You think he’s a well educated jerk, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Liam smiled. It was pointless to deny it.

“He used to be worse,” Hannah assured him. “Believe me, when I tell you: he had personality that only a mother could love. He knew it, too. But, Nina’s such a pretty person, inside and out, even Ted couldn’t resist her.”

Janice came back, then, with two cups. She handed one, to Liam, and sat down next to him, on the sofa.

“Did you bring Spike with you?” Liam asked her.

“He’s in the back yard, with Raven. They’re flaked out, on the patio, in the shade,” Janice said.

“You’re as pale as a sheet, Jan. I saw your toast, still on the table.”

“There are some cookies, in the pantry; crackers, too,” Hannah suggested.

“I’m fine.” She was giving him her ‘don’t start’ look, so Liam decided to drop it, for the moment. “What’s taking the deputy so long?”

“She’s an adult, for one thing,” Liam pointed out. “Technically, I doubt she could even be considered missing. For all we know, Ted’s right — she could be having car trouble. Maybe she’s dealing with tow truck guys, as we speak.”

That idea evaporated, ten minutes later, when Ted returned, alone.

“No sign of her?” Liam asked.

“None.”

“There’s coffee,” Janice offered.

“Thanks,” he nodded, and went to get some.

While he was in the kitchen, the doorbell rang, and Liam bolted to answer it.

The deputy was a young man, in his late twenties, with a brisk manner. He accepted Hannah’s offer of coffee, and Janice went to fetch it, only to be nearly flattened by Ted, hurrying in the other direction.

“Sorry, Janice,” he apologized, looking contrite.

“It’s okay,” she smiled, patting his shoulder, as she passed him.

The deputy’s eyebrow lifted, just a fraction, at this innocent near-miss, and Liam, seeing it, felt a twinge of annoyance.

“May I have your name, sir?” he asked, when Ted was seated.

Ted gave it, and the reason for his call, when the deputy asked. He identified Hannah, Liam and Janice, as well, with a patience that Liam knew he wouldn’t have been capable of equaling.

“How long has your wife been missing, sir?”

“Since… when, Hannah?”

“Since about one-thirty, this afternoon.”

The deputy checked his watch, and made a note. “So, about four hours, give or take.”

“She’s my daughter-in-law, and my caregiver,” Hannah said. “Nina’s very responsible.”

“Does she often leave you alone, Ma’am?”

“No more than is necessary. She goes for groceries, every week, and occasionally to the convenience store, just down the road.”

“What was she running for, today?”

“Why is that important?” Hannah frowned.

“Some store workers remember faces, others remember purchases. Every little bit of information helps.”

Hannah sighed. “It was supposed to be a secret, until she knew, for sure. She was going to get a home pregnancy test. It was my idea, not hers. She would have waited until you got home, Ted, and slipped out under some other excuse. But I was all excited, and just had to know.”

“Was she?” the cop asked. “Excited?”

“She was very excited, yes. Her own words were that she couldn’t wait, to find out. I said: Don’t wait, then, Nina-Bird. Go and get one. I’ll be fine, ‘til you get back.”

“You were at work, I take it?” he addressed Ted.

“Yes. I’m a teacher at New Canaan Academy.”

“Can anyone verify—“

“I can,” Liam interrupted. “I saw Ted, off and on, all day. We walked out to the parking lot together, after work.”

“Relax, Liam. My class schedule is easy enough to check. Naturally, I have to be eliminated as a cause for her disappearance.”

“Disappearance,” the deputy repeated.

“I don’t know what else to call it,” Ted replied. “I drove around to all the places she might be, in the area. I didn’t see her, or her car. When something, or someone goes out of view suddenly, in an unexplained manner, that’s a disappearance, no?”

He was beginning to lose his cool, just a little.

“It just seemed a bit…dramatic,” the deputy shrugged. “In any case, you’re correct, about your schedule being easy to check, sir — if it turns out that your wife has met with foul play. I’m going to need a full description of her, her car, anything you can supply.”

“I can give you all of that. I have her VIN number, in case the plate is missing, and a recent photo, too.”

“Perfect. Is there any reason that she might be considered endangered?”

Ted hesitated. “Nothing that I can substantiate with any proof,” he said, at last. “I can tell you that she’s had emotional difficulties, in the past. A result of trauma. She’s not cognitively impaired, but she does have some memory problems.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” This sounded genuine. “In a way, though, it’s helpful. The search can be escalated, possibly, to a Purple Alert. I’ll recommend it.”

“Thank you,” Ted nodded. He looked weak, with gratitude. “I’ll get the VIN for you, and the photo. The photo is on my phone — is that okay?”

“It’s fine. Great, actually. An electronic image is a little easier to pass around. Cuts down on a step or two.”

*******

Janice

The four of them sat in silence, for a moment, after the deputy had taken his leave. Finally, Liam broke it.

“I’m going to make a food run,” he announced. “What does everyone want?”

“Liam!” Janice protested.

“What?” he countered. “We all should eat, especially you. You look ready to pass out, Jan.”

She was, in fact. Janice doubted that she would be able to stand up, without her head swimming.

“He’s right,” Ted said. “We’ve done all we can do, for the moment. Nina would be pretty annoyed, to see any of us neglected, or neglecting ourselves. I could go for a bacon cheeseburger, Liam. Hannah?”

“Same, just a single.”

“I’ll keep it simple, and make it the same, all around,” Liam said, rising. Make Jan eat a few crackers, while I’m gone.”

“We will,” Hannah assured him.

Ted was on his way back to the kitchen, by the time the door closed on Liam.

“Thank you, Janice,” Hannah said. “I was at my wits’ end, until you got here.”

“I don’t know that I was so much help,” Janice said.

“You’re just hungry, tired and scared, right now.”

“Aren’t you all of those things, too?”

“You know, I’m still frightened, and worried — but it dawned on me, when Ted got home, that he doesn’t have to rely on the police, alone. Don’t forget — he has private investigators.”

She had forgotten. The thought made her feel better, but not much.

“I’m really just in shock. The cops don’t know, as well as we do, that there’s no way Nina would have —“

She broke off, as Ted returned with a small plate.

“Some protein is better than just sugar or starch, right?” he asked. On the plate were four precut apple quarters, with dollop of peanut butter, and a knife.

“Much, but you didn’t have to go to any trouble, Ted. Liam will be back, any minute.”

“It’s no trouble. Liam was right — you look a little peaked. Eat up. Hannah, do you need anything, before I sit down, and settle into a good brooding session?”

“You could roll me in the general direction of the bathroom, if you would.”

“Sure. Sorry, I forgot —“

“No, no. It’s up to me to speak up, when my bladder is full, and I do. You won’t mind if we desert you for a few minutes, will you, Janice?”

“Not at all.”

She was a little relieved, in fact, when they had gone. She wasn’t crazy about being the only person in the room, eating. Only with Liam, was she comfortable doing so.

It was her imagination, of course, but it felt like she could sense the protein spreading through her, after her first bite of the peanut butter and apple. By the time the others returned, she had downed two wedges, and felt measurably better.