Amateur Hour

Steph

“Steph? You still there?” Ted asked.

“We’re still here,” Guy took up the slack, on their end of the call. “It’s the perfect mode of payment, and of course we’re willing to take the job. It’s just that we might be a little shorthanded, here. Steph wants to relocate her son, from Atlanta, ASAP.

“And, there’s still the matter of where Gordon’s ‘special’ kids are. Good to know more of them won’t be going missing, at least.”

Steph was lost enough, in thought, that it took her a moment to realize that Guy was studying her face, as he spoke.

“I’m trying to prioritize it, in my head,” she explained. The comment was meant for Guy, but Ted heard it.

“Of course, your son is top priority,” he said. “Why don’t you call me back, when you’ve had a little time to hash it out, between yourselves? Right now, the cops are on it, and it can probably wait, a day or two. I’m not even sure that they haven’t picked Joseph up, for questioning.”

“Not to worry. Steph thinks fast. You’ll hear from us, by tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Guy.”

“No problem.”

“Steph thinks fast,” she mimicked, when he had hung up.

“You do. I could hear the gears spinning, the moment you checked out of the conversation. I’m gonna make some popcorn. Want a soda?”

“You’ve been living in motels too long, Guy. All you need, to exist, is a microwave and a mini fridge.”

“Not true. I’m loving all this space.”

Steph gazed around the living room. It would be a while before it felt like home. It could never be a home, without Galen.

“Just a few more days, Steve,” he said, patting her knee, and getting up.

“Am I that transparent?” she asked, watching him cross to the dining area.

“Only to a highly skilled detective.” He pulled a bag of popcorn out of the box, and unwrapped it. “Anyway, you gotta give the kid time to pack. I thought he sounded okay, with the move. Am I right?”

“He did. Now, I just have to figure out who’s going to watch him, while I’m working.”

“Don’t take the Hermes job. Stay with him, get him acclimated. I can probably get the info, as a humble, unremarkable janitor. Stealing records is my specialty.”

“I’d love to stay with him, but the same problem is going to come up, sooner or later. You said it, yourself — we’re shorthanded.”

“Too bad we don’t know another investigator who would work for room and board,” he joked, as his corn popped.

“Maybe we do.”

“Oh — I don’t like the station this train of thought is heading for. Poaching any of Julio’s talent could get us into big trouble.”

“She’s very junior. Hardly a speck on his radar, I imagine.”

Guy stared at her, as realization set in.

“Don’t burn your popcorn,” she advised.

“You can’t be serious!” he exclaimed, yanking open the door of the microwave.

“And, don’t forget my root beer. You know, if you turn the bag upside down, before you open it, you can shake most of the unpopped kernels out.”

“Because, that’s the main thing I’m worried about, right now. Steve, you’re out of your mind.”

He brought two drinks and the popcorn back to the couch and sat down.

“This is one of your Dr. Peppers.”

“Drink it — and, listen to me. Kayla is not what we’re looking for, in the way of hired help. She’s got enough training to be licensed, but that’s about it. She’s unseasoned, she works for Julio, and she’s sneaky. Add to that, she doesn’t like me, and I don’t like her.”

“Everyone is unseasoned, until they’re seasoned. Both of us used to work for Julio — and, a sneaky PI? Really? The only real point you made is that you don’t like her.”

“I don’t trust her.”

“You didn’t trust me, either.”

“I always trusted your character. Finding out that I can count on you, took a little longer. Besides, Steve, I don’t think that chica will work for as little as we could offer.”

“She’s nowhere near the top of Julio’s pay scale, now. She’s young and unencumbered — relocating wouldn’t be a hassle, for her.”

“No.”

“No? Just like that?”

“Just like that, yeah.”

“Okay, vato.” She said it, with absolutely no tone, in her voice, and changed the subject. “We need a TV, and a movie, to go with this popcorn. Let me get my laptop.”

They were halfway through The Rock, when Guy muttered, “How would we even contact her? It’s not like she’s in the Yellow Pages, under ‘Snake Rentals’.”

“You said, ‘no’. Now, hush. This is where the story really gets crazy.”

“We could find her number online, I guess. Where are you going?” he demanded.

“We’re out of popcorn.”

“Want me to pause this?”

“No, I’ve seen it.”

“Then, why are we watching it?”

“Sean Connery is sexy, and you specified, no chick flicks,” she shrugged, and turned to the task of making more popcorn. “It’s called compromise,” she added, over her shoulder.

“The Kayla issue is a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ decision,” he declared, pausing the movie. “How do you compromise, on a binary?”

“You make a counter proposal, or come up with a new idea.”

“Why are you so set on inviting her to join us?”

“I’m not. But, how would you like it, if I just said ‘no’ to something, and expected you to abide by it? One of the things I like best, about you, is that you’re reasonable. I don’t want to see that change. We need the help.”

“We need the help,” he agreed. “But she won’t have my back, like you do.”

“I’m not saying, partner with her. I’m saying, put her to work, to fill in the gaps.”

“Give her grunt work, if she’ll take it.”

“Yes. Put her on records searches, background checks, that kind of thing.”

“What if she’s still a spy, for Julio?”

“She didn’t rat you out, in New Canaan.”

“We don’t know that. She had a phone. Still kinda gives me the willies, to think about how she smuggled that thing in.”

“If I’d had access to one, that small I’d have –”

“Steve! Please!” He was aghast.

“– put it in a Faraday pouch, and tucked it in my bra, under a breast. Honestly, Guy. They don’t make you strip, going in.” She paused, then delivered her death blow. “What did you think I was going to say?”

The chagrin and embarrassment on his face, were delightful, to behold. He talked tough, but at heart, he was more modest than most people would guess.

“Taking her on, would be a gamble,” she relented. “I’m willing to listen to other ideas, if you have any.”

“I don’t.” He scowled, at the floor, for a moment. “And, I did ask you to gamble on this whole thing.”

He heaved an almost melodramatic sigh.

“All right. We’ll reach out to her, if that’s what you want to do. But, if she takes us up on it, I’ll be watching her.”

“So will I. She’d be living in the same house as my kid.”

“Is that really necessary?”

“I think we should at least offer her housing, temporarily, if she’s going to relocate. It’s not like we can pay her a sign-on bonus.”

**************

Nina

“Do you really have to be there?” Nina asked, for the third time. She didn’t care for the pleading note, that had crept into her voice, but every instinct she had, rebelled against this. However, she was already dressed, for the event, and Ted was knotting his black tie.

“I do, but you don’t, Honey,” he replied, also for the third time.

His tone was mild, patient as ever, but he was developing a little crease, between his brows. Nina wasn’t sure if he was merely preoccupied, or becoming irritated.

“Gordon’s lawyer was insistent, about my being there, for the reading of the will,” he continued. “It’s only right that I be at the funeral, too — for appearances. I don’t blame you, for not wanting to go anywhere near that house, or to Gordon’s funeral.”

“I’ll go, for you — for appearances. He was your father, after all.”

“You’re more my wife than he was ever my father. My first concern is for you. If you’re too uncomfortable with the idea – ”

“That’s why I have to go, if you’re going. Do I look all right?”

“You’re beautiful, even if black isn’t your color. Will I do?” He pulled on his jacket, and faced her.

“Wear your hat,” she suggested, with a playful smile. “Make a statement.”

***

She had to keep reminding herself, not to squeeze Ted’s hand, too tightly — not because it hurt him, but because each increase in pressure, on her part, was reciprocated, by him, in an effort to reassure her. More than once, her indrawn hiss of pain had startled her husband, and garnered a look of apology from him, as if he had been to blame.

Nina hated funerals, and she also had a phobia of too many strangers, in one place. She doubted many of the people around her had been Gordon’s friends. Yet, it had been a well attended service. All of the members of Gordon’s household staff had been present, along with a number of familiar faces, from her own neighborhood.

Since Gordon’s death, Ted’s status as his son had become an open secret; something whispered of, but as yet, not spoken aloud.

The people from the neighborhood were, of course, employees and teachers from New Canaan. They had been there, less for Gordon’s sake, than for the purpose of mending any perceived past offenses against Ted, and to avoid giving fresh ones.

Nina had been both sickened and frightened by the sidelong looks, the outright stares, and the murmurings that had followed them down the aisle of the church, as they were ushered to the front pews, where family members had been seated.

Ted had more cousins than she would have imagined, and they had eyed him with varying degrees of curiosity and hostility. (Joseph Starkey had been conspicuously absent.) Ted had deliberately taken the inside seat, and given her the aisle seat, to shield her, from his relatives.

Now, at the graveside, only she, Liam, and Janice stood, in true solidarity, with Ted, while a minister spoke somber platitudes to comfort mourners who felt no sorrow. Despite the heat, Nina shivered, chilled from the inside.

“Could you take Nina home?” Ted asked Liam, when the final ‘amen’ had been said. “She’s had enough of this circus.”

“Of course,” Liam nodded, offering Nina his arm.

“I’m staying with you,” she heard herself say. “Almost everyone else is leaving. The worst is over, now.”

“You’re shaking like a leaf, Sweetheart.”

“I’m staying, with you,” she replied, more firmly. “I just need a cup of hot tea, and I’ll be fine. Thank you both, for coming,” she addressed Liam and Janice. “You’re the only friends we have, here. There’s some kind of reception, isn’t there, Ted?”

“At the house. You guys don’t have to come, if you want to get out of here, but you’re more than welcome.”

“Of course, we’ll come,” Janice said. “Nina can hang out with us, while the whole will-reading rigmarole is going on. She doesn’t have to be there, for that, does she?”

“No, she doesn’t. I surely would appreciate it, if she had friends to wait with. When it’s over, we’ll all go home, change, and I’ll throw some ribs on the grill, for us. How does that sound?”

“Great,” Liam smiled. “I’ll bring the beer.”

Ted nodded. “Let’s get out of here,” he suggested. “They need to put that fine, mahogany casket in the ground, before it bursts into flames.” He placed his hat on his head, tucked Nina’s arm into the crook of his elbow, and the four of them walked away, together.

***

While she waited with her friends, for her husband to emerge from what had been Gordon’s office (the sitting room was still marked as a crime scene), Nina was kept well plied with hot tea, by Staunton. The old gentleman hovered almost as closely to her as Janice, who stuck to her, like a burr, and Liam, who was never out of her line of sight.

A few of Ted’s younger family members, were cordial, and would have conversed, more, she thought, if it hadn’t been for their being discouraged, by other, older members of the family.

Nina didn’t mind the young strangers — kids didn’t make her uncomfortable. At least, they didn’t regard her with the veiled disdain she saw on the faces of some of the forty-and-over crowd.

“How are you doing?” Janice asked, at one point.

“Holding up, but I’d like to go home. My feet are killing me, in these shoes.”

“Try stuffing yourself into a girdle. Pardon me — shape-wear,” her friend corrected herself. “I can hardly breathe.”

“You don’t need shape-wear.”

“I do, if I want to look smooth, in this dress. It’s going to be cargo shorts, and a T-shirt, when I get home.”

“I’m putting on flip-flops,” Nina smiled.

They heard the office door open, and voices in the hallway.

“Thank God,” Nina sighed, and her whole aspect brightened, at the sight of Ted, when he came into the formal living room, surrounded by the others who had been at the reading. He didn’t approach her, right away, as he was delayed by people who wanted to speak to him. Some wanted to shake his hand, as well.

“I can’t tell if he’s in a good mood, or not,” Janice said.

“Not,” Nina replied. Ted smiled, spoke calmly, nodded, and suffered the handshakes, but he carried himself the way he did, when he was ready to work out on his heavy bag, in the garage.

“You ready to get the hell out of here?” he smiled down at Nina, when he finally got to where she and Janice were sitting. This smile, at least, was genuine, if tired. “Those ribs should be just about ready to throw on the grill.”

“Was it bad?” Janice asked, as the she and Nina stood up.

“Worse than you can imagine. I need a very cold beer, and some friends to drink it, with.”

“Do I have time, to whip up some potato salad?” was Janice’s next question.

“Sure. The meat’s cooked, by now, and it’ll keep. You guys take your time.”

***

“Well?” Nina demanded, once they were out, on the main road.

“Well, the good news is, Gordon left his flute collection to you and Hannah, jointly. You also inherited a hundred thousand bucks. I expect you’ll be using it to file for a divorce, when you hear the rest of it.”

“Teddy! What an awful thing, to say!”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean it, but I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Any money I inherited will go straight into a college fund, for the baby.”

“Coals to Newcastle, Sweetheart. The Jellybean also inherited a hundred grand. Hannah gets another hundred.”

Nina leaned deeper into her seat, the wind quite knocked out of her.

“I think that’s fair,” Ted continued. “She could have sued him for alimony and child support, but she never did.”

“She won’t want it,” Nina said.

“She’ll take it, if I have to stuff her mattress, with it.” His look and tone were grim. “By the way, he came clean, in his will. I am his biological son. Seems that, when I was born, I looked so very yat’siminoli, Gordon’s father demanded a paternity test.”

“If he could see you, now, he’d demand another.” She reached over to caress his sun-bronzed cheek, and Ted turned his face enough, to kiss her palm.

Some of the hardness went out of his face; some of the anger. “I love you,” he said, simply.

“It sounds like we got off easy, then.”

“That was all the good news, remember?”

“I’m braced. What’s the bad news?”

“The bad news is that, except for other minor bequests, I inherited everything.”

“Everything.”

“All of it. Ridgeview, Hermes Transportation, New Canaan, and the other schools, the house we just left, and other untold horrors — all of it. Gordon managed to damn me to hell, without my having even worked for him.”

“You can get rid of it.”

“If only it were that simple. Each enterprise is tied up in legal contracts with other people, with entire states, in some cases.”

“I’m stupid. I didn’t think of that.”

“You’re not stupid. You would have thought of it, if I hadn’t told you, just ten seconds ago. Nina, what am I going to do?”

It was the closest thing she’d ever heard from him, to a wail of despair.

“You’re going to go home, put on your jeans and a T-shirt, take off that awful hat, and put some eggs on, to boil, while I change. Then, we’re going to wait for Liam and Janice to arrive. I’ll devil the eggs, and you’ll put a nice char on those ribs. We’re just going to be us, Teddy.”

He drew a deep breath, and exhaled it in a whispered, “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, that’s what we’re going to do,” he agreed, in a stronger voice.

***

Liam

“I can’t think of anything appropriate to say.” Liam glanced at Janice, but she was equally flabbergasted, by Ted’s news. “I don’t think ‘congratulations’…” he trailed off, not knowing how to finish.

“No,” Ted agreed. “This is exactly the nightmare I was afraid of. I can’t contest the will. I called the attorney, and asked. Of course, he thought I was insane. Feeling you’ve inherited too much, isn’t a valid legal reason. I can’t redistribute anything, either. At least, not in the way I would want. Gordon tied that all up, in his final instructions.”

“Maybe someone else will contest it,” Janice said.

“Joe Starkey almost certainly would, but he’s nowhere to be found. Gordon left him a hundred dollars — the same amount he settled on each of his nieces’ and nephews’ children.”

“Ouch,” Liam laughed. He couldn’t help it.

“I do have to admit, I thought that was funny, too. Didn’t seem correct, to laugh, though, at the time. Good thing I was born, with this face.”

“You’re in a position to replace, him, now,” Liam observed.

“I am, and it didn’t take me long to decide whom I would like to have. I’d be forever in your debt, if you and Janice would take over the position, and share it. I’d like to have a Dean of Young Men, and a Dean of Young Women.”

“Ted – that’s a perfect idea!” Nina exclaimed.

“I’m… not a teacher,” Janice said.

“You don’t have to be. It’s an administrative position, and a counselor would be ideal for it. Of course, you’d continue to counsel the boys, as well, if you wanted. If not, hire another counselor. I leave that to your discretion. Mostly, it’s a change in title, with a pay raise, and considerable added authority.”

“You’d be very good at it, Honey,” Liam said. “Those girls you’re in personal charge of, are some of the happier ones in the school. But, Ted, you could do better, for a boys’ Dean. I only have a Master’s degree.”

“I couldn’t do better,” Ted disagreed. “We don’t always see eye to eye, Liam. But, I think, in matters of education, we mostly agree. You have the right character and morals, to mold young men. You’re good, in a crisis, and you have a sense of humor.

“I believe, between the two of you, you could help me get that one school back on track, and leave me with one less thing, to worry about.”

The praise, coming from Ted, rendered Liam speechless. Fortunately, his wife took up the slack.

“What about the therapeutic aspect?” Janice asked. “I don’t like it, Ted. I never have.”

“That’s because it isn’t what it should be, is it? Drugs, restrictions, punishments — those things don’t work. There have to be rules, but they should be reasonable. Some of the kids do benefit, from medications, but the treatment is haphazard, and there are things in the dispensary that shouldn’t be there. As for the rest of it, rewards and incentives get better results than punishments. It’s a huge job. I don’t expect you to simply wave your hand, and set it all to rights.”

“We’d have to think about it,” Liam hedged.

“Of course. I know how you feel about teaching, Liam. Just bear in mind that ‘the principal’, is the principal teacher.”