Amateur Hour

Secrets, Spiders, and Subterfuge

Guy

“Enseñado sobre arañas hoy?”

“Sort of pidgin, but good pronunciation, so, I’ll take it,” Guy replied.

“You’d better,” Steph grumbled. “I’ve been practicing, since lunch.”

“I did teach about spiders, today. Tarantulas, in particular. Do me a favor; turn your camera on. I want to see you.”

“I haven’t changed any, but, okay.” She obliged him. “How’s that?”

“So much better.”

“What’s wrong, Guy?”

“Nothing. Just feeling sentimental. I showed someone else a photo of you, a while ago, and it made me want to see you.”

“You’re losing it,” she she laughed. “Who are you flashing my photo at?”

“Franklin.”

“Hot damn! Did he know you, right away?”

“Steve, he didn’t have a clue. I had to jot him a little note, on the flyleaf of a dictionary. We met up at one of the parks, here. I just got home.”

“Did you tell Ted?”

“I wanted to tell you, first. You deserve an award for the makeup job, and this is the closest I can come, to that. For now, anyway.”

“You’re looking a little pink, just along the mustache line,” she remarked, ignoring his best insinuating grin.

“It’s fine. I only pulled it all off, a minute ago. By tomorrow, it’ll look normal, again. Ironic, having to stay close-shaved, so that the tape for my fake hair will stick. I like the look, though. Think I’ll grow it out, for real.”

“It’s your face, vato.”

He laughed. “I was reliably told that I look like… what was the phrase, again? Oh, yeah — ‘a total snack’.”

“I created a face, and a monster. You’re never going to let that one go, are you?”

“The odds are against it. So, how are things going, on the home front?”

“I’m thinking about another trip, to Atlanta.”

His good humor suffered an instant death.

“You stay out of Atlanta. I mean it, Steve.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” she replied, with enraging mildness. “I’ll take Kayla, with me, and drop Galen off, to spend a little time, with Mom.”

“Oh, yeah. Kayla’s great backup. By all means, put your faith in her.”

“He’s a high school principal, Guy, not Jack the Ripper. Liam scared him away, once by literally telling him to get off his lawn.”

“I’m not talking about Starkey. Starkey’s a puss. I’m talking about Julio’s goons. Hasn’t it ever occurred to you to wonder just how they knew you were there, the last time?”

“Not for a moment. Kayla told Julio I’d be in the area. I wasn’t using my cards, and no one else knew I was going. That’s why I’m not telling her, this time, and I’m keeping her in my own pocket. As we speak, she’s searching the house, for her phone, with no idea, yet, that she should make a call.”

“Okay, it’s not your first rodeo. I get that. But —”

“It’s under control, vato. I stashed it in your car.” Steph’s smile could only be described as diabolical. “She doesn’t have a key, even if she thought to look there. Right now, she thinks she’s lost it.”

“She had another one.”

“Had. It was Julio’s burner.”

“You think she’s not still on his payroll?”

“I think she gets a tip, when she gives him a tip. I don’t think she still officially works for him. Kayla’s out for Kayla. She’s all about the side hustle.”

“A mercenary. Just what we need.”

“Not ideal, no. She’s done decent work for us, though. At least she doesn’t open your mail, like I do.”

“I don’t care, if you open my mail. Did I get something?”

“Yeah… Let me close the camera, and snap a picture for you.”

Before he could object, Steph’s face disappeared.

“It can’t be that important,” he grumbled.

“You’ll want to see it.”

A few seconds later, he got a text alert, and Steph reappeared.

“Have a look,” she urged.

“It can wait.”

“Dammit, Miguel Jose Guillermo Ramirez! Look at your mail!”

“Okay, okay. It’s bad form to take advantage of two middle names.” He opened up the text message, to a snapshot of a brief letter, with an attached card. It was an Alabama PI license, with his name, license number, and expiration date.

“I opened yours, by mistake,” Steph was explaining. The envelopes were identical, and I thought I’d grabbed mine. Sorry about that.”

“I told you, I don’t care,” he laughed. “Especially if it’s business mail, and I’m out of town.”

“Speaking of business, that license came, today, too. It was addressed to both of us. We hit a triple, vato.”

“Good. Now we can order our stationery.”

“I did it, this morning, to celebrate, since you’re not here, yet, to open any champagne.”

“We’ll do that, first thing, when I get home.”

“No idea when that’ll be, though.”

“I don’t think it’ll be too long. The client’s coming, to pull the plug, from here, instead of shipping any students off. I talked to him, just after work. He’s decided to can teachers, instead. If he’s hands-on, he may not need me, so much.”

“Sorry to see your teaching career cut short.”

He could see she actually meant it.

“Ah… It’s a fun acting role, but I wouldn’t want to do it, forever. It’s not really me. Besides, I miss you and Galen, and my stupid cat.”

**************

Kayla

Kayla had gone to bed, obsessed with the loss of her phone, and had woken, wracking her brain to try to imagine where she had not thought to look, for it.

Breakfast had been a disaster. Steph’s uninspired scrambled eggs, not much helped by the addition of American cheese, had at least been edible. Kayla had managed to burn the toast — twice. She’d neglected to stand over Steph’s (piece of garbage) toaster, as she usually did. She’d also forgotten, in her distraction, to make a store run, for orange juice. They’d had to settle for apple.

In an uncanny coincidence, Steph had presented Galen with a Pinwheel phone, after breakfast, which explained her errand, yesterday evening, while Kayla had been on the hunt for her own device. To add insult to injury, Kayla had been obliged, after watching Steph struggle with the convoluted set up, to take charge of the situation.

As a result, Galen was happily absorbed, texting his little friend, from the backseat of Kayla’s car. Not that Kayla begrudged the kid. As kids went, Galen was okay.

“Are we trying to get airborne?” Steph asked, from the passenger seat.

“What?” Kayla responded, knocked out of her musings.

“Please take your foot out of the carburetor,” Steph elaborated.

“It’s a fuel injected engine.”

“Figure of speech. Slow down.”

“Sorry.” She wasn’t, of course. She was a very good driver, and there wasn’t much traffic, just now. Nevertheless, she slowed down to ten mph over the speed limit. “Just thought you wanted to get there, before dark,” she couldn’t resist adding.

“It’s 9:36. I think we’ll make it, before dark.”

They rode in silence for a while, which was broken only by the alert sounds of Galen’s incoming messages.

“Doesn’t your mom work?” Kayla asked.

“She’s taking a personal day. Haven’t you ever taken one, to visit with family?”

“I don’t have any.” Kayla braced herself, for a hypocritical outpouring of sympathy, but it didn’t come.

“Huh. What do you do, with personal days?”

“Personal stuff, that I can’t do, on work days. Trips, appointments, things like that.”

“Anything recreational?”

As a rule, Kayla wasn’t into ‘sharing’. But, since Steph hadn’t dumped fake sympathy all over her, she figured she could make an exception.

“I doubt we have the same ideas about recreation. I dabble in writing software, and in helping other people fix theirs. Most people don’t get it, but that’s my idea of a good time. ”

“Nothing impractical.”

“Activities should have a point, or they’re not worth doing. Speaking of which, why are we doing this? I doubt the man is going to invite us in to tea. He’ll probably call the cops, and have us removed for trespassing.”

“I don’t think so. Starkey’s not looking for attention, right now. At least, not from the police. He’s likely to talk to me, because I represent Ted. I imagine Ted might not be moving quickly enough, to suit him. He might see it, as an opportunity.”

“That’s a lot of conjecture.”

“You know computer software. I know people software.”

Kayla had to admit, she might have a point. People software was messy — something she, herself, had no taste for fooling with.

“So, why am I here? I don’t think it’s because you’re afraid of him.”

“You’re here, to keep you out of mischief, Kayla.”

“What does that mean?”

“I think you know.” Steph glanced into the rear view mirror. Kayla did likewise. Galen appeared to be engrossed in his own affairs, but he was Steph’s kid. Who knew whether he was listening to their conversation, or not?

***

“If you’re going to snoop,” Steph resumed, an hour later, after Galen had been dropped off, “you’re going to have to learn to be more subtle.”

“I underestimated Guy,” Kayla nodded. “I should have expected the text alert trap.”

“What?”

“On his Mac.”

Steph grinned. “So, he rigged a trap, too. Slick, vato. Very slick,” she addressed her absent partner.

“’Too’? What do you mean, ‘too’?”

“Also, as well, additionally, likewise,” she rattled off the synonyms.

“What was your ‘trap’?”

“Let’s just say that the old Dell doesn’t have a bad camera.”

“Ah… Nuts! Seriously?”

“I can show the pics, to you, if you’d like to see them.” Steph offered, pulling her phone out. “You’ll have to pull over, first.”

“No, I believe you.” She said nothing, for a moment. What was there, to say? She’d been outwitted, by the same ‘people software’ that she wanted nothing to do with. A suspicion began to form, in her mind.

“My phone isn’t really lost, is it?” she asked.

“Don’t worry. It’s in a safe place.”

“You bitch,” Kayla marveled, not without admiration. “Why? You didn’t do it, just to drive me crazy.”

“You ratted me out, to Julio, last time I came to Atlanta. How much did he pay you, for that?”

“He didn’t.”

“Kayla —”

“No, really. He didn’t. He has Stanley.”

“Stan — who the hell is Stanley?”

“My dog. Julio has my damned dog, all right?” Kayla was annoyed to find herself near tears. If Steph laughed, she’d kill her, she decided. She’d wrap her car around the nearest power pole.

“How did he get your dog?”

“He pulled me into New Canaan, right after you left. I told you, I don’t have any family. I didn’t have any time to make kennel arrangements, so I had no choice but to hand Stanley off, to Julio, to watch.”

“I see.”

“I was still there, when your job offer came. It hadn’t all quite collapsed, yet. Julio had my phone, as well as Stanley, and he intercepted your text. He told me to take the job, and spy on you, or I’d never see Stan, again.” Kayla dashed an angry tear away, from her cheek, with an equally angry gesture.

“Pull over.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not. Pull over, until you can get yourself under control.”

Kayla glanced around, signaled, and pulled into a fast-food restaurant parking lot.

“If you think I’m going to just sit here, and cry about it, you’re wrong.”

“Are you sure Stanley’s…”

“Alive? Yeah. I get weekly photo reminders, to call Julio. It’s always Julio, with the daily newspaper, and Stan, in his lap.”

“What a dick.”

Kayla had to laugh, at the contempt on Steph’s face.

“Yeah. A total dick. I have all the reminders saved, on my phone. You’re not such a great snoop, yourself, or you’d have found them.”

“What kind of dog is he?”

“Just a homeless mutt, like me. Lapdog size. Some Papillon, some Jack Russell, maybe something else. Does it matter?”

“Trying to get a mental picture of his size. He sounds cute. We’ll have to get him back.”

This brought Kayla to tears, as all the sympathy in the world would not have. Steph left her alone, aside from handing her a packet of tissues, from her purse. Kayla appreciated that, too.

“I’m going to get us some coffee,” she said, opening her door.

By the time she got back, the storm had passed. The coffee was terrible, but it was hot, and the cream covered enough of its sins.

“Did not having your phone make you late for your weekly report?”

“No. He’ll be expecting me to call by this evening, though.”

“We’ll be home, in plenty of time. You drove up. I can drive back.”

“How about we switch, if I get tired.”

“Suit yourself.”

***

Steph

“This is it,” Kayla remarked, unnecessarily, as they drew to the curb in front of Starkey’s modest rented bungalow. His blue Silverado was parked in the driveway, and the man, himself, was lounging in a lawn chair, in the shade of his front porch, with a book. “Should we rush him?”

“No need for that. We’re a pair of small women. He’s not going to run, from us. Lose the sunglasses,” she advised. “Your eyes aren’t that red.”

They both got out, and proceeded up the driveway, together. Starkey set his book aside, to regard them with curiosity, as they approached. He frowned a bit, at the close sight of Steph, then rose and smiled, flashing his hideously white veneers.

“As I live and breathe… Miss Howard.” He raked her, with a look that was insolent and unsettlingly appreciative. “You’ve matured, I must say.”

“Nice beard, Dr. Starkey.”

“It’s trying,” he replied running his palm over his chin. “Your friend is familiar, but I can’t quite place her.”

“I’m Kayla Sawyer, Dr. Starkey. I’m sorry — I don’t shake hands.”

“I suppose that’s prudent,” Starkey allowed, withdrawing the paw he’d offered. He still looked a bit blank, regarding Kayla. Then, it seemed to click for him. “Of course, Miss Sawyer. You were selected as an Honors student, just before I… Well, before I left. Would you ladies care to come inside, where it’s cooler?”

“We can speak, just as well, out here,” Steph replied, taking another, vacant chair. Kayla was obliged to perch on the low, cinder block wall that enclosed the strip of flower bed. She didn’t appear to mind.

“Could I offer you a glass of iced tea?”

“I don’t think so, Dr. Starkey.” Steph gave him a meaningful smile.

He chuckled, and resumed his own seat. “As it happens, I have nothing more dangerous, or hallucinogenic than aspirin, at my disposal, these days. What would you like to discuss, Miss Howard?”

“I have some questions about Jess Greene’s mother, Anya , for starters,” Steph plunged in. “I believe she is or was married to your cousin, David.”

“’Is’, on its way to ‘was’. Making David a two time loser, but he can’t be blamed, for Anya. She’s trash, like so many women. You’re beginning, in the right place, however. You always were clever, Miss Howard.”

He paused, for a moment, seemingly gathering his thoughts. Steph had time to wonder if she was going to hear a well crafted lie.

“The lovely Anya drifted onto the scene, when she was fifteen years old, the same age as I. I’m not being sarcastic, either; she was lovely, and I was utterly smitten. We were a devoted couple, or so I thought, for about a year. Until she met David. I still fail to understand her attraction, to him,” he added, parenthetically. “He was a handsome young man, but no more so, than I. His father was no wealthier than my mother. Of course, he did have the name, whereas I did not. The almighty Eldridge name…” Starkey shook his head. “And, he was older, by three years.”

“So, he took her, from you.”

“Not intentionally, or maliciously. It was more of a case of Anya having flung herself at him. I believe she had cast herself, in her mind, as Scarlett O’Hara, to his Ashley Wilkes.”

He smirked, in disgust, at the memory.

“David is too kind, to be a proper Eldridge,” he continued. “He’s always been generous, bookish, shyer than the rest of us. Anya would have taken advantage of that, had David not married another girl, and moved away. She rebounded back to me, when we were both 16. We dated, for five years, after that.”

“How did she end up, with David?”

“When we were eighteen and nineteen, she thought we were ‘too young’ to marry, though I asked her, several times. At twenty, she was talking about the ‘career’ she wanted.” He made a ‘pfft’ sound. “She thought she’d model, or act.”

He cocked his head, to study Steph.

“You’re a more accomplished actress than she was, Miss Howard, not to damn you, with faint praise. Anya tried, though, landing roles in every community theater, within fifty miles. And, she posed, half naked, for any scam photographer she met. Trash, like her mother, who egged her on.”

“But, you dated her, anyway,” Steph pointed out, disgusted by his self-righteous assertion.

“Indeed, I did. She was colorful, charming, elusive. She would sleep with me, and did, several times, but she wouldn’t marry me. Then, David’s father died, and he was drawn back, into the family fold, with his wife and two sons.

“His wife did the kicking and screaming, about that, for both of them. It didn’t have a salubrious effect, on their marriage. And, there was Anya, once again. Batting her eyes, plying her smiles, and not even bothering to be discreet. It went on, for several months. Until Gordon paid her to disappear, with the child she was obviously carrying.”

“Then, Jess Greene was actually…”

“David’s daughter, yes. Fast forward, twelve years. David’s marriage had been over, for some time. Anya learned of it, and came running, dragging their daughter along, just to add to the fun. I don’t know whether he married Anya out of love, guilt, or pity, but marry her, he did. Against every family objection, against all advice and reason, he married the trollop.”

Starkey paused, to drink deeply of his tea.

“It might have worked out well enough for the little girl, Jessica. David’s a good man, and he was the best father he could have been, to his boys, even from a distance. Hell, he paid child support for Jess, as well, her whole life. He didn’t have to do that. He’d have done well by her, in spite of her alley cat mother, if it hadn’t been for DJ, coming home.”

It was all Steph could do, to stifle a groan.

Starkey smiled, unpleasantly, taking in her expression.

“Yes, step-sibling romance. Only, they were really half-siblings, weren’t they? One child or the other would have to be removed. David was loath to throw DJ out of the house. It would have looked punitive. As far as either child knew, they had done nothing wrong, in either a moral or legal sense. There was nothing for it, but to remove Jessica, from the situation, under the guise of better schooling.”

“She was certainly removed from the situation. Forever.”

“That was unfortunate. Tragic. Never has any such thing ever happened, during a transfer to Saguaro Springs. You know about Saguaro Springs, of course.”

“I do. Maybe more than you know.”

“I believe it. It’s Ted’s baby, now, and you work for him, I believe. Or… do you?” He favored her with a shrewd look. “None of what I told you, is anything Ted doesn’t already know.”

“How would he know? He was in virtual exile, since he was thirteen.”

“My dear Miss Howard, Ted and David were very close. Quite possibly, they still are. Ted idolized David, and they stayed in touch, for many years. It was David who told us, all, of Ted’s marriage, to Nina, which was only… what? Four or five years, ago?”

“He could have learned that, from Gordon.”

“Gordon didn’t discuss Ted, with anyone. His name was a forbidden topic. Ask old Staunton, if you don’t believe me. Gordon made every effort, to pretend that Ted didn’t exist, save one. A very peculiar portrait, in the library, of Gordon’s house.

“I nearly passed out, when I saw it, for the first time. Ted is considerably younger, in it, than he is now, but that was when I recognized him, as the English Lit teacher, under my own roof, at New Canaan.

“How Gordon laughed, when I told him, as if the joke were on me, and not him. Anyway, I doubt David got his information from Gordon, and I have no doubt that Theodore was up on all the family gossip, via David.”

“But, not the family business gossip.”

Starkey shook his head. “Gordon was always most careful to keep everything as separate as possible. He was the hub, where all information ended, and he was the one who determined what went back out.”

He leaned in, now, and fixed Steph, with his icy, grey-eyed stare. The motion and the look made her feel cold, all over.

“Now, Ted is that hub. Think about that, on your drive home, Miss Howard.”