Amateur Hour

Liam
“Not just ‘no’, but hell, ‘no’!” Liam exclaimed, at the end of Janice’s recitation.

“I’m not asking you to go with me,” she said, rinsing a potato, and proceeding to slice it into a pan of water. “It’s not a two man job, anyway.”

“Really? And, how do you plan get there? Uber, Lyft, or Yellow Cab?”

“I plan to use our car. The one you said we’d just share, until I absolutely had to replace the Honda. The Honda you twisted my arm to get rid of? Remember?”

“That car was on its last legs! It cost more to drive than it was worth.”

“Nevertheless, you said your car was my car.”

He had. Dammit.

“Your car, to drive to appointments, shopping, to the library, to normal places. Not for kamikaze missions.”

“I don’t plan to crash the it into the school, Sweetie,” she said, as Spike inhaled a cube of ham she had dropped for him. “I’ll bring it back, without a scratch.”

Ham and scalloped potatoes, for dinner. That should have been the first red flag, for Liam. It was one of his favorite dishes. Usually, he had to wheedle her into making it, but this evening, she had volunteered.

“Jan, Darling, have you thought about what you’re going to do with the minor you are planning to abduct?”

“Well, there are several options, as I see it. If he wants to go home, I can take him there, or arrange for him to get there on a bus, if it’s too far for me to make a trip and be on time for work on Monday. I could ask if he has a friend or relative, he’d rather stay with, applying the same rule with regard to time and transit. I could stash him in a motel — not ideal, I admit — until CPS can pick him up; also not ideal, but it might work out. Or, I can bring him here, as a last resort.” She turned and put the potatoes on, to boil, and wiped some stray drops of water off the counter.

“Unless,” she added, “Guy Ramirez and his group have some other plan in place, for rescuing at-risk children. Ultimately, it’s up to the boy, isn’t it?”

“You’ll be the prime suspect, when he’s missing, Saturday morning.”

“I’m a known airhead, who forgets uniform regulations, and leaves behind briefcases,” she pointed out. “They’ll see me enter, park, go into the building, collect my satchel, and leave the premises. All on camera.”

“It’s dangerous.”

“Liam — they have walkie talkies, not guns. The boy won’t even be missed, until the next morning.”

It wasn’t a perfect plan. It was a bad plan, but it might work. Liam chewed on the idea, while he set the table.

“Okay, Airhead,” he said, slowly. “You leave your satchel, and I’ll retrieve it. I’m the one they’re accustomed to seeing, behind the wheel of The Hulk,” he said, using her nickname, for the green SUV. “I’ll roll my eyes and act mildly annoyed and say I left you at home, to cook me some dinner.”

“Don’t sell it, too hard. Some of them know you think I’m perfect,” she smiled. “I should have an alibi, in case anyone wants to suggest that I was hiding in the car.”

Liam smirked, and nodded toward their spaniel. “There’s your alibi. He’s cute, comes with a leash, and has a tiny closet full of designer knockoffs that the neighbors are likely to remember seeing.”

“You’re a genius,” she punctuated it with a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll put him in the little wine-red waistcoat and tie combo.”

*************

It was arranged, as much as such things could be arranged, right down to Janice slamming her door, when she climbed out of The Hulk, and stalking off alone, toward the house, looking angry.

Liam had whipped the behemoth SUV around, without watching her, and driven away, just a smidge too fast — evidence that he, too, was ticked off.

He’d slowed, once the house was out of sight, and began to retrace their path back to the school. It had still been a little too early, and too bright, despite the fact that they had stopped for ice cream, to kill time, on the way home. Liam had pulled into a convenience store lot, gone inside, grabbed a few random snacks, and a fountain drink. He’d paid for ten dollars worth of gas, pumped it, double checked that the back of the Suburban was unlocked, then set off again.

He’d killed enough time. The moon would be rising, by the time he got to his destination. He’d thought that he should be more nervous, but he had managed to talk himself into believing his own story. It wasn’t a lie. Janice had left her satchel in her office. He’d been going back, to get it.

Liam had sipped the soda, and turned on the radio. He’d found an eighties rock station, and jammed along with the tunes, to dispel some of the excess energy he’d felt. He hadn’t had this sensation, since he was a kid, he’d realized, rigging pranks to terrify Lisa.

The gate guard had posed no problem, at all. They had chatted for a moment about forgetful wives, and the book the guard had been reading, when Liam had pulled up.

He’d parked in the space designated, gotten out, closed and locked his door, and gone inside, without sparing even a glance toward the rear of the vehicle.

The guards at the entrance had been surprised to see him. Two of them had been on duty, when he and Janice had left, for the day. However, they’d accepted his story, and allowed him entrance, after he had assured them that he had the key to her office, and wouldn’t be needing their assistance, to get in.

His footsteps had echoed down the empty halls. The place always remained fully lighted, until after 10 pm, but it had been eerie, without the comings and goings of other people. Liam had set his face in lines of mild perturbation, for the benefit of the cameras, and had made a beeline for Jan’s office, apparently uninterested in anything other than his errand.

It had all gone so smoothly, he could hardly believe it.

“Are you there?” he asked in a low voice, now, while he fastened his seatbelt.

“Yes, sir.”

The voice, coming from the rear passenger floorboard, was familiar.

“Get as close as you can, to the door. You’ll be in the guard’s blind spot, going out.”

He heard the boy shift a bit, as he started the car. The icy calm deserted Liam, for the time being. This was truly the dangerous part. As he neared the guard shack at the end of the drive, he flashed his lights.

The guard did what he hoped he would do, and lifted the arm. Liam slowed, waved, and rolled through.

“I think you can come out, now, Bobby,” he said after they were half a mile down the main road.

The boy, Bobby Miller, unfolded himself slowly and settled into the back seat, on the passenger side. “Thank you, Mr. Miles,” was all he said.

Liam pulled in a deep breath and released it. “I think we can dispense with all the misters, now. You can call me Liam. Do you prefer Bob, Bobby, or something else?”

“Rob, actually. But, after this, you can call me anything you want, sir.”

“Where are we going, Rob? Home?”

“If only. Home, is where they paid to get rid of me.”

“I’d take you to my place, but it’s ground zero for New Canaan faculty. Not a good idea. Grandparents? Aunts or Uncles?”

“No. The best I can do, is an online gaming friend, in Michigan. I’m sorry. It’s a big problem, I know, but I had to get out. My number was up.”

“What does that mean, Rob?”

“Exactly that. The card was in my gym locker, a couple of days ago. I’ll show it to you, when we get somewhere where we can stop. It’s a ‘congratulations’ card, with my student ID number written inside, in red ink. That’s how they let you know you’re next. It’s the worst kept secret at school.”

In the rear view, Liam saw the boy push his spectacles up, on his nose, while gazing back at him. His face was tight and angry. He wasn’t lying.

“Why would they warn you?” Liam mused. It wasn’t a direct question— he was thinking aloud.

“They want you to be afraid,” Rob answered, as if it had been. “The more afraid, the better. Some kids think it’s for adrenochrome harvest.” Rob smirked a bit, as if he didn’t really believe this, himself.

“That’s been debunked, though.”

“It doesn’t matter, does it, Liam? People think God has been debunked, but that doesn’t stop other people from worshiping Him. Puffer fish are deadly, but people still eat them.”

“Good points.”

“It’s just a theory. There are others, and they’re bizarre, too. The point is, they tell you, because they want you to panic.”

“Speaking of things you shouldn’t eat, would you like a burger, or something? You could get up here, in the front, when we stop.”

“Real, trashy, fast food? Hell, yeah! I haven’t had any of that, in a year.”

************************

Rob

Rob managed to restrain himself from tearing into the double cheeseburger, but it wasn’t easy. He was famished. It had been days since he had been able to eat more than a few mouthfuls of refectory food, and he had the demerits, to prove it, back in his dorm room.

The meds they had forced on him hadn’t done his appetite any favors, nor had his sick dread. In the driver’s seat, Mr. Miles nibbled the occasional French fry, and sipped at his soda.

“Janice will kill me, if I ruin my appetite,” he explained.

“Does she know? About this?”

“She helped orchestrate it. In fact, it was her idea, to go along with Mr. Ramirez. I only wish he had more of an exit plan, for you.”

“So do I. I’m not bullshitting you, Liam. They wouldn’t welcome me, at home. I’m not sure they’d send me back to New Canaan, but they probably would. My tuition is paid through the year, and it’s non-refundable.”

Liam sighed. “Of course, it is.”

“I could call my friend, in Michigan. We’ve never met, in real life, but we’re tight.”

“How old is he?”

“Nineteen,” Rob admitted. Brian still lived with his parents too, as a college sophomore. He’d flip out, to hear this story, but whether or not he could really help, was doubtful. Suddenly, the burger didn’t taste so good.

“I can’t put you on a bus or a plane, and ship you to a nineteen year-old.”

“I guess not. You’re going to have to hand me off to CPS, aren’t you?” Rob felt sick, at the thought, and hastily drank some of his soda, to quell the faint nausea.

“Not necessarily…” He pulled out his phone.

“Who are you gonna call?”

“Ghostbusters,” Liam grinned, without missing a beat. “My sister. It’s a long story.”

After a pause, Rob heard a woman’s voice, on speaker phone.

“Sanctuary Books,” she said. Then: “Oh, sorry, Liam. Habit. Is everything okay?”

“Alarmist. Everything’s fine. Why are you still at the store?”

“Book Club night. We just wrapped up, as a matter of fact. What’s up, Brother Liam?”

“I have a friend who needs a place to stay, temporarily.” He went on to explain the situation.

Rob was surprised by how little he left out of the tale, and by the fact that the woman listened, without interrupting. He didn’t know if it was a good sign, or a bad one.

“I know I could be putting you in a bad position,” Liam finished, “but I can’t think of anything else to do, off the top of my head.”

“No…It does sound like you’re in a tight spot. I’m ready to head home. Go ahead, and come this way. I’ll talk to Tucker and the kids. If we can’t take Rob in, maybe we can think of something.”

“You’ll always be my favorite sister. Thanks, Lis.”

“I’ll always be your only sister, but you’re welcome. We’ll leave the porch light on.”

*******

Janice

Spike wasn’t a big dog, but on a leash he carried his head in such a way that made him appear to strut, even on his short legs. It was one of the reasons that Janice got a kick out of dressing him up, for outings.

Clad as he was in his natty waistcoat and tie, he looked every inch the gentleman, on his way to a dignified but informal gathering at his club, for a brandy, perhaps. Though spoiled at home, he was affable, in public, to man, woman and child alike.

Janice was used to playing second fiddle to her dog, when they were together. Spike looked, and was, approachable, so they were often approached. This evening was no exception. She chatted with at least three adults and five kids, during their walk.

Two of the adults were teachers from the school, whom she knew only by sight. They hadn’t much more time at the place than she and Liam did, and both wanted to know whether or not she would be attending the potluck dinner, tomorrow.

Janice kept her answers vague, throwing in deprecating remarks about her cooking, which were entirely false, and hints that Liam was working on something, in his free time, that might preclude their attending. This was semi-true. Liam was working on a paper that he wanted to publish, but it had yet to interfere with their recreational activities.

She was about ready to turn around and head home, when a man’s voice called her name. It was Ted Billie, who was walking his own dog, a big, black German Shepherd. Janice eyed the dog nervously, as they approached.

“It’s okay—she’s very friendly,” Ted reassured her.

The two dogs performed the usual sniffing ritual, and decided they weren’t threatened by each other. Janice was relieved. After his exposure to Lisa’s big, goofy Lab, Spike seemed to have lost some of his phobia of larger dogs.

“This is Raven,” he introduced the dog to Janice.

“She’s beautiful,” Janice said, letting Raven sniff her hand, before daring to scratch her behind on ear.

“We like her. Who’s this fine gentleman?”

“This is Spike. Don’t blame me — Liam had him, before I showed up, on the scene.”

Ted chuckled and knelt to pet Spike, who accepted this attention merely as his due.

“Really? I got the impression you had been married longer.”

“Just a little more than a year, but we lived in sin, more or less, for a couple of years before that.”

Ted smiled. “That would have just been common law marriage, not so long ago,” he shrugged. “My wife and I have been together for almost eight years, now. Seems like forever, and at the same time, not long at all. Were you about to go home?”

“Yes. Spike’s little legs are about done, I think.”

“Mind if I walk with you? If I don’t tire her out,” he nodded toward Raven, “she makes mischief while we’re asleep.”

“Please, do. Liam isn’t home, though, if you were wanting to talk to him,” she warned.

“No, just walking the pooch. Was that Laurie Hughes you were talking to, a minute ago?” he asked, as they began to walk.

“Yeah. She wanted to know if I was going to the get-together, tomorrow. I told her I would probably beg off.”

“Did it sound like she’s going?”

Janice nodded. “Gary Murphy, and his wife, too. Did you try to warn them off, as you did us?”

“Tried. Laurie made it quite clear that men don’t think for her. Murphy…He’s a climber,” Ted shrugged. “You know the kind. Always jockeying for position in every situation. Then, too, I’m considered something of a crank. Guess they got the word, on that.”

“Liam told me that you went to one that was a disaster, for your wife, but that you didn’t tell him what happened.”

“Well…” he sighed. “It’s not easy to admit that you, as a grown man were naive enough to drag your wife to a booze fueled swap party.”

Janice’s jaw dropped.

“Yeah,” Ted nodded. “We’d been to a couple of the potlucks, before. They seemed mostly okay. I mean, some of the men kept flirting with Nina, but, she’s very pretty. Some of the women were a bit flirty, too, when you get right down to it. I took it as everyone being a little bit lit, and trying to be friendly.”

“Yet, they’re so unfriendly, at work.”

“I thought it was just the social lubricant of alcohol, and shedding of professional persona. Who really behaves the same way at work as they do, at home, right? Anyway, it was one of those typical things, where the men group together, more or less, and the women do likewise. Nina’s shy. I thought it would be good for her to make some friends, you know? And, while it wasn’t great, it was okay.”

They paused in their walk, for the Shepherd to pee, before resuming.

“But the other kind of party, the ‘special faculty meeting’, that wasn’t okay?”

“No. It wasn’t okay, at all. It was like entering a den of well oiled snakes. I nearly ended up in jail, for assault. Nina won’t leave the house after dark anymore, unless I’m with her, for fear of running into some of those men. Which is why I walk the dog.”

“Why didn’t you move, Ted?”

Janice knew there wasn’t a chance in hell that Liam would stay in a place where she felt threatened.

“We don’t own the house we’re in. It belongs to an elderly relative of Nina’s, who still lives there, and requires her care. She’s a sweet old thing, and still sharp, but she’s frail and disabled. Nina won’t hear of her being put into care, and losing her home.”

Janice nodded. “I see.”

They were now in front of her house. The Hulk was still conspicuously absent, from the driveway.

“It was empty, for quite a while, I guess,” Ted said, nodding toward the drifting rain gutter and the skewed storm awning.

“We have someone coming, this weekend,” Janice replied, feeling defensive.

“So, Liam’s not Mr. Fix-It — big deal. I was only going to suggest that I could help with that, if you wanted. But, if someone’s scheduled, already…”

“Sorry. It’s a running joke between us, but it’s our joke.”

“I get it. People underestimate him, sometimes. I would never do that. The kids like him, and that’s saying a lot for any teacher at New Canaan. Is he on a dinner run, or something?”

“No. I forgot my satchel, in my office. Nothing would do, but that he went back to get it.”

“Your hero, eh?” Ted grinned.

“Not quite. He was kind of annoyed, actually. He’ll be better, by the time he gets home—as long as I get inside and rattle a few pots and pans. I’ll fry him some chicken. That usually cures anything,” she chuckled.

“It does, for me, too. When he recovers, why don’t you run the idea by him, to come to our place, tomorrow, for a cookout? I can put on some ribs, or a steak, if he prefers.”

“It wouldn’t matter, as long as it had grill marks. Liam loves barbecues. I’ll tell him you asked, and thanks.”

“I’ll give you my number, and you can call tomorrow morning, sometime.”

Janice opened her contacts and hit the add button, before handing over her phone. Ted typed in his phone number, and hit ‘save’.

“There you go,” he said, handing it back to her. “Now, I’d better get Nina’s dog back, before she sends out a search party, for her. Talk to you, tomorrow.”

“Good night, Ted.”

“And just what is keeping Daddy?” she asked Spike, when Ted was out of earshot.

She had expected to hear something from Liam, by now. Spike led her up the walk to the door, and Janice unlocked it. The phone rang, just as she was unsnapping the spaniel’s leash.

“Liam—thank goodness! Is everything okay?”

“That depends on your definition of okay. I’m safe, and Rob Miller is safe, but I won’t be there, any time soon. I’m taking him to Lisa’s.”

“Well, that took a turn,” Janice observed.

“Yeah. You should go ahead and eat something. I’ll eat, when I get in. I just wanted to let you know what was going on.”

“I’m glad you did. I didn’t expect you to be back, but I was just starting to wonder why you hadn’t called. I’ll save you some of those leftovers.”

“Thanks, Honey. Bye.”

*******

Rob

“Georgia?” Rob almost yelped, when they passed the sign at the state line.

“Yeah, but just barely. We only have about thirty miles to go, give or take. You want to hand me one of those bags of beef jerky? There’s another one in there, if you’re still hungry, or you can have the chips.”

Rob pulled out the jerky, opened it, and passed it to Liam.

“Does your sister own the bookstore, or just manage it?” he asked.

“Thanks,” Liam said, taking the jerky. “She owns it. It’s on the way to her house. I’ll point it out to you.”

“Is it a Christian bookstore? Sanctuary Books?”

“No, it’s just a regular store. She calls it that, because the building used to be a church sanctuary. Lisa made a nice little place, out of it. If you end up staying with them, for a while, you’re bound to get more than enough time to check it out.”

“If.”

“Don’t worry about it, too much, Rob. You won’t be turned out in the cold. If you can’t stay there, we’ll figure something out. My sister is good people, and so is her husband.”

“What does he do?” Rob asked, for the sake of making conversation.

“He has a riding stable. Boards, trains horses and riders, and hosts trail rides.”

“I used to ride, before I got into gaming. English.”

“Tuck’s all Western, I’m afraid.”

“Most people are. I used to ride exercise, on our farm, in Ocala. Then, I grew,” he added, with a disgusted smile. “I’m not tall, but my legs got too long for the short stirrups. It set my balance off. I had a pretty bad fall, and that was it, for my parents.”

“They wouldn’t let you ride anymore, at all?”

“I crippled a 30,000 dollar horse, when it stumbled over my body and broke its leg. So, no. No more riding, for me, of any kind.”

It still ached. His parents had been infuriated, beyond words. Rob had been heartbroken. He’d loved that horse. He’d never felt his full speed, but he’d sensed it, coiled under him, waiting to be unleashed. And he’d seen him go all out, with his jockey aboard. More than that, though, he’d been a good natured animal; easy to handle, for a stallion.

“Was he their horse?”

“He was mine. My parents offered me a car or a horse, on my sixteenth birthday. I chose the horse. If you don’t mind, sir, I don’t want to talk about it, anymore.”

“Of course.”

They lapsed into silence, for the remainder of the ride, until they passed Liam’s sister’s store. Liam slowed, to point the place out. From there, it was a short ride, to the house.

There was something welcoming about the place, a mellowed farmhouse, with the porch lights hospitably ablaze, against the dark.