Amateur Hour

Steph

Steph was only a bit surprised, when Guy wasn’t visible, at breakfast. This wasn’t due to the fact that he was missing, but that he had been pulled so early, and so soon. Usually, Julio waited until just before noon. Evidently, Guy’s fictional uncle had taken a turn for the worse, overnight. Everyone knew he was responsible for watching his four siblings, when his parents had to leave town.

Honors students were allowed to have coffee, with

breakfast — one of the very few perks that was actually a perk, and Steph took a sip of hers, prior to digging into her scrambled eggs. She frowned and took another sip; a smaller one. No, it wasn’t her imagination. Despite being well sugared, and lightened with powdered creamer, the coffee had a peculiar, bitter edge. Someone else had doctored it, before she’d had the chance, and not with flavorings.

This was inconvenient. Not only did it ruin a perfectly good cup of java, it also left her without a clue as to how she should behave, according whatever drug was in it. It could be something as benign as an extra bit of caffeine, to make her jittery and snappish, or something dramatic like psilocybin, which could induce psychotic episodes.

She hoped to God it wasn’t ipecac. If it was, she’d be sorry for what she was about to do, which was to drink about half of it. There was no other way to determine what was in it. If it was just a stimulant, she was golden. If it was a hallucinogen consuming half would be enough, to determine that. If it was an emetic, however, she was in for a long, unpleasant day.

Janice Miles was staring at her, with a concerned look. Apparently, Steph’s cultivated poker face had slipped, while she was pondering the possibilities in her coffee cup. She gave the guidance counselor an ironic little smile, and raised the cup, as if in a toast.

“Crito, we owe a cock to Asclepius,” she said, and took another sip.

Janice frowned, and Steph wondered if it was because she got the reference, or because she was puzzled by it.

“Isn’t it a little early to be discussing cock, Steph?”

Steph looked at Sasha Barnes, still smiling. She liked Sasha; was even amused by her bawdy sense of humor. This morning, she was glad that Janice had adopted her husband’s policy of no demerits, at breakfast.

“Well, we weren’t all cut out for advanced courses,” Steph shrugged.

“Snob,” Sasha grinned. “That’s why I’m not taking them. Unlike Icarus, or you, I know my limits.”

That was another thing Steph liked. Sasha wasn’t easily offended. It wasn’t a bad zinger, either, for a sixteen year-old. She probably should be in advanced courses.

“Ladies, be nice,” Janice said, mildly. “Whatever else it’s too early for, it’s too early to bicker.”

The conversation turned to more mundane topics. Steph’s participation was diminished, as she was paying more attention to her own physical sensations. She felt buzzy, and a little light-headed, but not nauseated, for which she was grateful.

By the end of the meal, her mind was leaping, from one random thought to the next, but the sensation wasn’t unpleasant. At the same time, she felt like she was moving, in slow motion.

You are so stoned, she informed herself, as she rose from the table, with Mrs. Miles, and the other girls. She wanted to giggle, with relief. It was just THC, which might explain why Jess Greene had always seemed ‘baked’. Maybe the rumors about her dealing pot were just rumors.

At the moment, it was a little bit hard to care, because it was difficult to concentrate.

***

Mrs. Miles’ summons, which came right before History class wasn’t unexpected. Janice was clever, Steph had to give her that. Mr. Miles wouldn’t make much of a stink, if she happened to be late. None, at all, if she had a note, which she was sure Janice would provide, if necessary.

None of this meant she was looking forward to the conversation. The effects of the THC had worn off, somewhat, but she would still have to watch her mouth.

“Mrs. Miles—What can I do for you, today?” Steph greeted the guidance counselor, as flippantly as she could manage, while assuming her chair.

“I’m wondering what I can do for you, Miss Howard. It’s not every morning that a student toasts me, with a cup of coffee, and the last words of Socrates.”

She leaned forward, in her seat. “Tell me the truth, now — did you have to Google that?” She was deliberately trying to give offense, though she didn’t really want to. Janice was very likable, if nosy.

“No. I’m old, but I still remember my Greek philosophers. I don’t read them, as often as Mr. Miles does, but I’m not likely to forget Socrates and his hemlock. To this day, psychologists argue about whether or not he was actually suicidal, or truly a man of principle.”

“Which do you believe it was?”

“Honestly? I think he was suicidal. Suicide is the ultimate act of anger. I can imagine the rage of a teacher who was accused of corrupting his pupils. He could have left Athens. He chose martyrdom. But, is it martyrdom, when you put the cup to your own lips?”

“You’re a nice lady, but you have a hard way of looking at things, ma’am.”

“It’s just an opinion. I can see the other side of the argument — I simply don’t agree with it.”

“Don’t read too much into it, Mrs. Miles. It was just a bitter cup of coffee. Probably the dregs of a pot. I saw a few floating grounds, and I wasn’t about to drink them all. Leave it to the refectory crew, to mess up the one bright point, in my day. Is there anything else we must discuss? The fact that the toast wasn’t quite brown enough, maybe?”

“I learned who Socrates was, in high school, too. I believe they even taught us that he volunteered to be executed. But, I don’t remember learning the details, until I was in college.”

Steph had to be very careful, now. Mrs. Miles’ refusal to be dissuaded from the mundane topic, could signal a dangerous question, in the offing.

“I learned to read, when I was three years old,” Steph responded, hoping to forestall it. “By the time I was five, and well settled into the ‘why’ stage, my parents had me looking things up, for myself. When something interests me, I read about it. Just like grownups do,” she added, with mild sarcasm.

Janice regarded her, with a bemused smile, that gave her paranoia a decided nudge.

“One thing I would never question about you, Miss Howard, is your maturity.”

***

Janice

Unlike Guy, Steph hadn’t admitted to anything, but it was clear to Janice that she wasn’t who she was purporting to be. It made sense. Any serious investigative firm wouldn’t send a single operative into an environment where the sexes were separated. To do so would be to gather only half the information.

The firm must be serious, indeed, and raking in the money, too, to be able to spare two investigators. Who paid the money for the tuition, for two ‘students’, she wondered.

It was a conundrum, to say the least. Where was this firm based? It couldn’t be local. This was a nice place to live, in general, but it wasn’t an area known for the wealth of the people who lived and worked here. The stores were small, as were the other businesses. If you so much as wanted to see a movie, you went to Marianna, as the closest location — nearly twenty-five miles away.

For every answer, there seemed to be ten new questions. Who was the client? Was it a parent of a student who had gone missing?

Janice huffed a sigh. Every time she thought she could put her curiosity about the whole thing behind her, she was drawn back in. Of course, she couldn’t dismiss the fact that a girl had disappeared, during her first week here, nor could she forget the reality of Rob Miller. It would be nice, however, if she could be satisfied with her role in having helped him, and resign herself to the fact that she couldn’t do much else.

She needed to take a page from Liam’s book, and find a hobby; stop meddling, stop wondering, and mind her own business. Pity, she’d never been good at that.

Her desk was clear, and so was her schedule, until after lunch, but her mind was cluttered. She had finished her latest book. The thought of a ten minute walk, outside, wasn’t appealing. The weather was already getting hot, and it was only May.

Her resources were limited — she could either go to the library, and peruse the books there, or she could trundle herself off to the teachers’ lounge.

***

There was a small buzz of activity, in the lounge. Today was someone’s birthday, and in a rare show of inclusivity, one of the other teachers invited her to help herself to a piece of the sheet cake, that had been brought in, in honor of the birthday girl.

Janice smiled, accepted, and carried it over to the table where she usually sat. No one noticed, or cared. Evidently, she was welcome to share in the cake, but the group couldn’t care less about her company. She didn’t mind, as she had no intention of eating the cake, either.

She was just dunking her teabag, when Ted arrived, with his own cube of cake. He seated himself, picked up his fork, and cut into it.

“It would be pretty paranoid, to think that I picked up the one piece, out of several on the table, that had something dangerous in it,” he remarked, seeing her expression. “Tastes fine,” he added, when he had swallowed it. “Butter-cream frosting.”

“You don’t think that’s dangerous?” she smiled. “Sounds a little rich. I think I’ll pass. If you don’t want mine, I’ll save it for Liam.”

“I try to eat healthier than this, but, you only live once.”

“Nina said you try to keep fit.”

“Eh — we don’t all have Liam’s metabolism. I watched him put away half a rack of ribs, and three of yours, too.”

“What you didn’t see was his bowl of ice cream, before bed. I don’t know where he puts it, or how he burns it. I wish I did.”

“You’re fine, the way you are, Janice. Don’t eat less food– just get more exercise. It’s good for your state of mind.”

From someone else, this might have sounded like criticism, but from Ted, it was merely offhand, well meaning advice.

“I think we can agree that this is not food,” she smiled, indicating the cake.

“It’s not, but it’s tasty. No, thank you,” he waved away the paper plate she pushed toward him. “One piece is enough. You’re right, it is rich. How have you been, Janice?” he asked, changing the topic. “I was starting to think you were avoiding me.” There was a hint of amusement in his eyes.

“Of course not,” Janice fibbed. She had been avoiding him, a little. She had no idea how her advice to Nina had panned out, and she hadn’t been eager to face Ted, if it had gone badly. “I guess our paths just haven’t crossed, this week.”

“I see. I’ve been wanting to thank you again, for going out with Nina. She had a great time.”

“As did I. She’s a lovely young lady. It was nice to have some girl talk, for a change. I know she’s Hannah’s primary caretaker, but I was wondering if I might borrow her, this weekend, for a few hours.”

“I’m sure she’d like that. But, you do realize that you’re asking me to spend the day, getting my ass handed to me by Hannah, over cribbage, right?”

“Marriage is sacrifice.”

“Hannah is a very sore winner. But, I suppose you’re right. Are you going to steal my wife and strand Liam, at home?”

“I’m not sure he’d notice. He’s so buried in his research on the school cemetery, these days. But, no — we’re car shopping, this afternoon. I hate it, but it has to be done.”

“Going for something new?”

“Gracious, no. I’ve always been a used car girl, to Liam’s dismay. That monstrosity of his is so precious to him, it’s practically a fourth member of the family — all because he bought it, new.”

“It is in fine shape. At least he drives it, and doesn’t just look at it. I’ve known people who have bought big, diesel pickups, that they only wash and wax, and drive once in a while, larping as working class men. You could eat a meal off their truck beds. I respect him, for using it well, and taking good care of it.”

“My taste runs more along the lines of Nina’s, I think. I like her little car.”

“I would have put her in something sturdier, but she wanted something fuel efficient,” he shrugged. “It didn’t set well with her, that I was paying for it, in the first place.”

“I can understand. I imagine that the paydays of an artist are pretty big, but they’re few and far between.”

“Hannah would pay her, for her care—she’s got a little money that isn’t going anywhere — but Nina won’t take it. So, I do. I opened an account for her, and Hannah holds the ATM card.”

“Ted…” Janice trailed off, hesitant. It was none of her business, but she couldn’t help herself. “Wouldn’t it be better, to let her grow up? Make some mistakes? Learn some things?”

“Maybe,” his admission surprised her. “It’s complicated, Janice. And, it would take too long to go into, just now. Another time, though. I have to get back to work.”

“Have I overstepped?” she asked.

“No.” His smile was genuine, if a little sad. “I wanted Nina to have a friend, and it looks like she does. Catch you, later.”

**************

“I love it!” Nina exclaimed, when Janice stepped out of her 2018 Subaru Forester. “It’s very you, Janice. Sort of sporty, but practical, too.”

“It’s a soccer mom car,” Janice objected, amused.

“Like I said — sporty. Will you come in and say ‘Hi’, to Hannah, before we go? If we’re in a hurry, it can wait.”

“I’d love to look in, on Hannah. I’m not in any rush.”

Hannah was seated at the kitchen table, unpacking her cribbage board and pegs, when Nina showed her guest inside. She looked up and smiled, at Janice.

“Janice—it’s so nice to see you again! I’m getting ready to take Ted to school, here. Do you play?”

“I’m afraid I never learned. Is it fun?”

“When I’m beating the socks off Ted, it is. Nina’s a better player, so I don’t get to laugh, as much, with her.”

“That’s an interesting necklace,” Janice indicated the string of alligator teeth, interspersed with beads, around the old lady’s neck.

“It’s my secret weapon. Ted doesn’t like alligators, and it psyches him out.”

“It does not,” Ted called, from somewhere.

“Sounds like he’s in for a humiliation ritual,” Janice smiled and frowned, at the same time.

“He’s a good sport,” Hannah admitted. “It keeps him on his toes, and makes him forget about his job. Besides, I’m old. I’m supposed to be obnoxious.”

“And, you’re good at it,” Ted said, coming in from the back part of the house, with a bowl of chips. He snagged two Cokes, from the fridge, and brought them, as well. “Making me walk halfway to Tallahassee, for your Golden Flake, because you don’t do the same chips as everyone else.”

“Convert, heathen, and you won’t have to walk out to the utility room, for them.” But, her smile was affectionate, as he set the drinks and chips on the table, before settling into his own chair.

“Where are you ladies going, today?” he asked.

“I thought, if Nina doesn’t mind, I’d take her to my sister-in-law’s bookstore. It’s in Georgia, but not far from the line.”

“Sounds like fun,” he nodded. “You’ll be back, before dark?”

“Long before,” Janice promised.

“Call me, if you have any trouble, okay?”

“We will, Teddy— don’t be a worry wart,” Nina put in. She bent to kiss him, lightly, and smiled down into his eyes.

“Don’t forget your package, Nina-Bird,” Hannah said, nodding toward a large flat parcel wrapped in brown paper.

“I would have—thank you, Hannah.”

***

Nina

“What is that, Nina?” Janice asked, with a suspicious look, when they were outside.

“Nothing that’ll bite you. Pop the hatch— I think it’ll fit, without having to fold the seats down.” It did, of course. Whatever other problems Nina might have, spatial relationships weren’t among them. “There,” she said, satisfied, as she closed the hatch. “It’ll ride fine, back there. Let’s go.”

“Nina —”

“We can argue on the road as well as we can, standing in the driveway, can’t we? You’re not going to win, so you might as well take me to meet your sister-in-law.”

“I can’t take one of your paintings,” Janice opened, as they were buckling up.

“I don’t see that you have much choice. It’s in your car,” Nina chuckled. “Look, Janice — You like that one. I saw you glance at the wall, when you walked in, and frown a little, when it wasn’t where you expected to see it.”

“I do like it. Love it, in fact, but —”

They pulled up to the stop sign, a the end of the street.

“It’s not like it hasn’t been up, for sale, you know. It’s just one of those pieces that didn’t move. I think it was waiting, for you, and Hannah agrees. Are you going to go? There’s nothing coming.”

Janice rolled her eyes, and pulled out onto the broader street that led to the entrance of the subdivision.

“Please, let me give you something for it. A token, at least.”

“You already have.” Nina paused, then continued. “A couple of nights ago, Teddy moved my clothes into his room, and a bunch of my other things. Watch the road, Janice,” she admonished, when Janice turned to favor her with a rather long look, for someone who was driving. “I think it’s more than a fair trade.”

“I’m…glad it went well.”

“It went so well. He was a little startled, at first, but he didn’t mind my being there. By Tuesday night, he was taking it for granted that I’d be sleeping with him, from now on.”

“Did he…?”

“I’m officially a wife, now,” she replied, with a modest blush.

“I’m…thrilled, for you, Nina.”

“You doubted your advice would work? Why? Don’t you believe in yourself?”

“Maybe not as much as I thought I did,” Janice gave her a rueful smile.

“Well, you should. And, you should take the painting as a gift from one friend, to another. Teddy is the one who picked out the frame and had it set in, by the way. I think he chose well.”

“It was already in a frame.”

“That old thing? Please. I bought them, in bulk for display, at sales. They have no character, and that’s the point. Makes the painting the star.”

“I guess there’s nothing to do, but admit defeat, then. That, and to say thank you, so much. I know just where I’ll put it. On the wall opposite the front door, so it’s the first thing I’ll see, when I get home, each day.”

Nina leaned back into her seat, and relaxed, well pleased. It was rewarding, not taking ‘no’ for an answer. She had spent most of her life, not as a doormat, exactly, but as a flexible, malleable person.

She had had enough sense to avoid people who would walk on her, though she wanted to be reasonable — it was her nature. Yet, it was worth knowing that she could put her foot down, and insist, when she felt it was necessary.

“Nina?” Janice addressed her again, after they had driven several miles in companionable silence.

“Hmm?”

“I’ve been thinking. Hannah has her ‘secret weapon’ for getting the better of Ted. What was yours? I like him, very much, but he’s kind of stubborn, about some things.”

“You’ll laugh, but I don’t mind telling you. I just called him ‘Ted’, like everyone else does. It seemed to get his attention, and convince him that I was serious. I told him: ‘Ted, I’d like to have our children, before it’s too late.’ It worked. Well, it was a step in the right direction, at least.”

Janice did chuckle. “Nina, you’re a prodigy. Good, for you.”