Amateur Hour

Ted

Ted was the one to open the door to admit his dinner guests. He hoped he didn’t look as apprehensive as he felt. He prayed he wasn’t about to commit manslaughter, by revealing too much, to these innocent people.

He relieved Liam of his twelve pack of beer, and took Janice’s six pack of bottled Coca-Cola, and invited them to make themselves comfortable, in the living room, before stowing the drinks in the fridge.

“I don’t know what you two like, on pizza, so I haven’t ordered, yet,” he half-apologized, when he rejoined everyone else.

“Liam likes everything. I’m just a meat and cheese person,” Janice answered.

“Sounds like one Supreme, and two Meat Lovers. Don’t stand on ceremony — make yourselves at home, while I order.”

“He’s a little tense,” he could hear Nina explaining, when he had stepped out onto the patio, to make his call. “He borrowed a bug detector, from a friend, and we found…” The rest of it was lost, when the restaurant picked up the phone, and he placed his order.

When he returned to the living room, Liam’s face was grim, and Janice looked stunned.

“We should be fine, now,” Ted remarked, as if he’d been there, for Nina’s recitation. “I put the devices out in Nina’s studio, for the time being. They’re listening to back to back episodes of a sitcom, on DVD. Hopefully, they think they’re hearing what we’re watching, on TV.”

“That’s clever,” Liam observed.

“My first thought was to destroy the bugs, but then I remembered what Janice said, about the computer spyware, and leading them astray. With any luck they’ll think it’s all business as usual, around here.”

“We put on a little play for them,” Hannah grinned, then cleared her throat. “Nina-Bird, let’s watch something funny. What’s that Alaska show called?” she quoted her line.

“You mean Northern Exposure, Hannah?” Nina picked up her cue. “The one with the doctor gets stuck in a job?”

“That one, yeah. Put that one on.”

Both women dissolved into giggles, and Ted shook his head. “I teach Shakespeare. I never said I could write like him.” He had to smile, though. Nina and Hannah had delivered their lines so casually, for the bugs, that they hadn’t sounded scripted.

“We really should watch that again,” Hannah mused. “I get a kick out of the doctor’s receptionist.”

“What I’m wondering is what kind of friend one borrows a bug detector from,” Janice frowned, and smiled, at the same time.

“Former military guy,” Ted shrugged. “He’s going to be thrilled to hear that his detector really works. Do you want to see them? The bugs?” he asked Liam.

“I believe you.” Liam looked irritated.

“Stop it, Ted. Liam didn’t challenge you,” Nina frowned at her husband. “Who wants a beer? Ready for a Coke, Hannah?”

“I’ll help you get them,” Janice said, rising.

“I’m sorry, Liam,” Ted apologized, as the two women left the room. “I’m just annoyed with myself.”

“How do you think it happened?” Liam asked. “I mean, Nina and Hannah are here, most of the time, aren’t they?”

“Not always in the house,” Hannah said. “When Nina’s working, I sit with her, out in her studio, as often as not, and we take Raven, too.” She petted the Shepherd’s big head, where it rested on her knee. “I do needlework or knit, and we listen to audio books.”

Liam nodded.

“Ted was outsmarted, and he doesn’t like it,” she added, with another grin.

“She’s right,” Ted agreed. He sank down into a chair. “I’m sitting over here, thinking I’m immune, and warning other people. Looks like the joke’s on me.”

“Who’s listening to reruns, right now?” Liam pointed out.

“There is that,” Ted admitted, brightening a little. “I just hope I didn’t miss any bugs. There was one in the kitchen, two in here.”

“At least they stayed out of your bedroom,” Liam said.

“Maybe because there were three occupied bedrooms, at the time,” Hannah put in. “No pillow talk, in this house.”

“That’s… none of my business, Hannah,” Liam replied, scandalized.

Ted wanted to laugh, at the mortification on his face, but he felt sorry for the guy, too.

“Be nice, Old Woman,” he advised, instead, in a mild tone.

Janice and Nina returned to the room, with the drinks, which was merciful timing. Liam seemed to think so, too, as he took a healthy swig from his bottle.

“Are you not being nice, Hannah?” Nina asked, handing the old lady her soda.

“Not particularly,” she smiled. “Poor Liam. He’s not used to outspoken elders. His mother raised him with manners — unlike Ted’s.” Hannah saluted Liam with her bottle, downed a couple of sips, and belched. “Excuse me,” she said.

“The kids would call that a self-own, if you’d actually gotten the chance to raise me,” Ted observed.

“I had the first ten years. By the time he came back to me, he’d even forgotten his language,” Hannah informed their guests. “Add that to the list of things I’ll never forgive Gordon Eldridge for. Have I asked you yet, today, if he’s still alive?” She turned her eyes to Ted.

“Still alive, Chatske.”

“Well, there’s always tomorrow. He has red blood cell aplasia,” she explained to Janice and Liam. “He’s literally a vampire, now, after being a figurative one, in his youth. Karma’s a bitch.”

“Hannah…” Nina trailed off, not knowing how to finish. But she placed a comforting hand on Hannah’s shoulder.

“You’re right, Nina-Bird. He’s not worth discussing.” She reached up, to pat Nina’s hand. “You asked Nina if I was Ted’s mother,” she said, to Janice. “I should have just said that I am, and left it at that.”

“You didn’t have to answer, at all. How you answer is up to you,” Janice replied. “He separated you from your young son. I could hardly expect you to throw praise, at him.”

“Ah, well — hate keeps you warm, as it burns you up, from the inside,” Hannah said. “Most days, I can let it go. My boy did come back to me, because he chose to.”

“I did,” Ted replied. “And, I would, again.”

“Ridgeview, LLC…” Liam murmured. “Ridgeview… Eldridge.”

“Yeah,” Ted confirmed. “It was just a matter of time, until you put that together. Ridgeview, LLC is a subsidiary of Eldridge Global. I’m sure Global is involved in some slimy dealings, too, but Ridgeview is dear old Dad’s baby — along with Hermes Transportation. Hermes is a company that arranges for the…extraction…of troubled teens, from their homes, to take them to programs.”

Liam and Janice digested this, in silence. As they were doing so, the pizza arrived.

Ted gathered the boxes in, and Nina plucked his wallet from his back pocket, to give the driver a cash tip. It was their routine, but he could see a hint of amusement on Janice’s face, as he passed by her, on the way to the kitchen table. He gave her a little grin.

“Bring your drinks, and let’s eat,” he called, over his shoulder.

Hannah held Nina’s beer and her own cola, as Nina wheeled her in, and parked her chair in its accustomed place, at the table.

“Ridgeview owns several schools,” Liam said, when they were all seated, with pizza on their plates. “Are they all hellscapes, or is it only New Canaan?”

“They probably all are, if only because of poor management or corner cutting,” Ted replied. “My bet is that, at best, they offer the least value, for the most money. I don’t know if there is actual abuse involved, or widespread incidents of missing kids. What I do know is that New Canaan is especially toxic — even deadly.”

“Because it’s so close to him. Gordon,” Hannah put in, before taking a big bite of her meat-topped pizza.

“Is that what you think, too, Ted?” Janice asked.

“I don’t know. It all comes back to Liam’s question, earlier today. What is my father really selling? Another one is: to whom is he selling it?”

“Trafficking children?” Nina suggested.

“Why those children, though?” Janice mused. “Usually, it’s poor children, who are trafficked. Children who might not be missed, or are even sold by their own parents.”

“You know, Rob Miller said that the ones who were selected had histories of being runaways, and little to no regular communication with their families. So, they might not be missed, at least not immediately.”

“Tucker said they weren’t being reported missing, either, to the authorities.”

“Tucker Rawlings? The brother-in-law you placed Rob with?” Ted demanded.

“Relax, Ted. He’s a former deputy,” Liam replied. “I don’t think he has the scope of your informants.”

“Sorry. I’m so jumpy, right now, I’m ready to suspect everyone of being a black hat. I should know better. My people checked him out.”

“I’ll have mercy on you, and refrain from telling him that,” Liam retorted. His tone was waspish, and he had begun to glare at Ted. “He volunteered his help.”

“Is this a money thing, with you, now?” Ted scowled.

“You tried to buy me. I’m only here, because you couldn’t.”

“Liam, stop it!” Janice grated.

“I may have tried to bribe you, not to buy you. And, you’re here, because I could use your insight. What is it going to take, for you to get over being insulted? Do you want a duel, or something?”

“You tried to bribe him?” Nina demanded. “That wasn’t very smart.”

Her contempt wounded Ted, more than he would ever admit.

“No, it wasn’t,” he agreed. “I see now, it made me look like my father’s son. I would take it back, if I could. Liam — I never meant to hurt your pride, by suggesting that you didn’t have any, or to insult your integrity, by insinuating it could be bought. I’m sorry. That’s not who I am.”

Liam considered this apology, for a long moment.

“I suppose it isn’t,” he allowed, at last. “If it were, you’d be better at it. I’m sorry, too, for being so touchy.” He reached across the table. “Peace?”

Ted grasped it, immediately. “Peace, brother.”

“Good,” Hannah said. “Now, would anyone like to get back to why my ex-husband is involved in trafficking rich kids?”

“It’s not ransom,” Janice stated the obvious, “so trafficking does make the most sense. What would they be good for, specifically?”

“They’d be physically healthy,” Nina offered. “Organ donors?”

“Maybe. Does anyone have a notebook, or something?” Janice asked.

Ted got up and went to a kitchen drawer. After some rummaging, he came back to the table with a legal pad, and several pens. “One of those should work,” he said, placing them next to her right hand.

“Blood donors,” Hannah suggested, “but that seems unlikely, doesn’t it?”

“We’re brainstorming,” Janice said, jotting it down. “Almost anything, could be possible.”

“This is far out, but they’re educated enough to be tutors, for younger children. How many of them were bilingual, I wonder?” Liam mused.

“I hate myself for this, but there are people out there with a taste for underage sex slaves.” Ted grimaced, as he spoke. “There’s also the dark web porn market.”

“Even worse — snuff films. I think I just made myself sick.” Janice shoved her plate away, with half a slice remaining on it.

“Honey, that’s really dark.”

“Tell me something I don’t know, Liam,” she snapped. “You seriously believe these children are being kidnapped, to become nannies, or tutors? What color is the sky, on your world?”

Ted was surprised, by her vehemence. Judging by their faces, everyone else was, too.

“I’m sorry. I’m not a sociopath. I don’t know how they think.”

“And I do?”

“Get a grip, Jan! I was referring to your expertise.”

“In that case, I think you mean ‘psychopath’.” Janice sneered.

“Tell him, girl!” Hannah cheered.

The comment broke everyone up, except Janice, and Nina, who was looking at her, with concern.

“Victimology is the place to begin,” Janice said, when everyone else was done laughing. I’ll pull up the files, when I get back to work. If Liam can be persuaded to use his clean computer to create a spreadsheet, it’ll be easier to see what they had, in common.” Her voice was too calm, and too quiet.

Ted shot Liam a glance. He was in trouble, and he knew it, too.

“I guess I should have gotten another computer, after all, instead of commandeering one of yours.”

“It’s perfectly fine, Sweetie. You’re the computer whiz, of the two of us.” She reached out, to pat his hand.

“Don’t pull files, Janice,” Ted advised. “It’s too risky. That’s archived information. It’s not current, and it may even be hard copy, only. Let me try to get it, another way. It is the right idea, but you don’t want to get caught. Besides, you’re sidelined for the rest of the week.” He hated having to remind her of it.

“We know who your detective agency’s man is. It might be quicker, to go straight to him.”

He felt her rise another notch, in his regard. She was frustrated, and she was hurt by having been laughed at, but she was thinking clearly.

“That’s a good plan.”

“I have one, once in a while.” Her smile was forced.

*******

“That went really well,” Ted remarked, as he broke down a pizza box, to shove into the trash.

Nina, who was consolidating the leftovers into one of the two remaining boxes, didn’t answer him, right away.

“It’s my fault,” Hannah sighed. “My joke went the wrong way.”

“You were just trying to lighten the mood,” Nina contradicted. “As for you, Ted —”

“I know. I know. I’m not happy with myself, either. I don’t mean to rub Liam the wrong way, and put Janice in the middle.”

“You don’t respect him,” Hannah stated. “By rights, she should be angry, with you.”

“I do,” he protested. “I respect his mind; hell, I like him, but I don’t need him. He wasn’t wrong about being here, because I couldn’t get rid of him.”

“Someone inherited his father’s ego,” Hannah observed. “But, life has a way of serving us lessons, in humility.”

“Oh, I think I’ve had a lesson, or two.” Ted glared at his mother.

“But, did you learn anything, from them?” she retorted, unfazed.

“I apologized to him, didn’t I? And I meant it.”

Ted collapsed into his chair, at the table.

“You meant it, but he still knows that you don’t think he has anything of value to offer.”

“I can’t help what I think, Chatske. I can’t waste time, right now, making sure everyone feels warm and fuzzy. It’s not my gift.”

“That’s no excuse,” Nina spoke up. “Make an effort,” she rapped. “I’ve had it, up to my eyeballs, with you, Ted. You make zero effort, when it comes to people. I get that you were damaged, as a kid. Well, who wasn’t? Most of us still go on to develop facets, to our character. Frightened people learn to be brave, angry people learn to love, hard people learn to be vulnerable, and quiet people learn to make themselves heard. But you, Ted — you seem to have a learning disability.”

She turned and stalked out, leaving Ted to gape in shock, and Hannah to stare, in admiration.

**************

When Ted saw Liam the following morning, in the teacher’s lounge, his eyes were baggy, and bloodshot, but the expression on his face was serene.

“May I?” he asked, indicating a chair at the table.

“Please,” Liam nodded.

“You look like hammered shit, man,” Ted opened. “Did you sleep, at all?”

“Nope,” Liam replied, with a odd grin. “I dropped Jan off at the house, and watched her go in, then I hightailed it to Walmart. I made it with an hour to spare, before closing. By the time I got home, with her new laptop, she had gone to bed. I was up all night, setting it up. I hope she likes it.”

“It was a surprise?”

“Yeah. I migrated all of her stuff off the old one, and it all seems to be up and running. I know it’s not about the computer. It just seemed like some little effort was in order.”

There was that word again.

“It should make her receptive, anyway,” Ted said.

“I hope so. I really wasn’t laughing at Jan, you know. I was just tickled by Hannah’s ‘girl power’ cheer.”

“We all were. Hannah’s very sorry that it landed badly. I got quite the scolding, from Nina, after the two of you left. I’ve never seen her so annoyed. She told me some hard, home truths about myself, that I needed to hear.”

“Wives are good, for that. But, I have to admit — it’s not easy to picture Nina bawling anyone out.”

“She went from zero to ninety, in ten seconds, and I thought Hannah would give her a medal, when it was over. She probably deserves one. The upshot was that I haven’t evolved, as a human being.” Ted was both amused and impressed, by the memory.

“Ouch. Bet that stung.”

“It did. But, she was right. I have a huge ego. It was fed, for years, by fending for myself, and succeeding. I figured I could come back here, and fix things, all by my lonesome. I was wrong. So, I tried to recruit and organize help from within. I had limited success with that.”

“I believe it. You were trying to entice people away from a cult. I’m surprised you got anyone on board, at all.”

“Mr. Falconi, the man Janice replaced, was my last man, standing. I won’t go into that, here. There were a couple of others, but they weren’t very committed, and to be honest, I’m a disaster, when it comes to hands-on management. I don’t know how to direct people’s skills. Anyway, they’re all gone, now. Moved on to other jobs, retired…one is dead.”

“So, you went outside. That’s what I would have done, in your place. I was an ass, about the money thing.”

“Maybe a little bit,” Ted agreed, with a tiny smile. “But I was, too. I can’t deny it’s a kick to use my old man’s father’s money against him. The side effect is that I get to feeling a little self-righteous. Nina took me down a peg or two, last night. I had a long think after my head hit the pillow. It’s not that I truly believe you’re of no use to me, in what I’m trying to do. It’s that I don’t know what trail to put you on.”

“Then, don’t. You mentioned hunting, once. Ever do any?”

“Sure.”

“With dogs?”

“Of course.”

“When you set a dog loose, you don’t ask it to find a specific animal. You just ask it to pick up a scent, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Do I look like a reasonably smart dog, to you?”

“You might have potential,” Ted allowed.

“Why not just let me sniff, then?”

“Because I’m worried about you getting your nose bitten, by something deadly.”

“It’s my nose.”

Ted considered. “All right.”

“Good. I talked to a man, this morning, who said he might be able to find what we’re looking for,” Liam changed the subject.

“Thanks. Hope he didn’t resent the direct request.”

“He believes he owes me, for helping his friend. Besides, I got the vibe that he’s disaffected with his employer.”

“Tell me he’s not going to quit.”

“No, no — it’s a grudge match, now. He’s as committed as you are. He has another friend, in trouble.”

“A girl, if the student whispers are true,” Ted nodded. “I would have mentioned it, last night, if things hadn’t…”

“If the wheels hadn’t fallen off, yeah. We’re going to have to do better.”

“We are,” Ted agreed. “I’m still waiting for my own bug detector to come,” he changed the topic.

“We are, too. It’s due, today, sometime. I have to get back, now,” he said, glancing at his watch. “Call you later?”

“Sure.”

*******

Liam

When Liam pulled into his driveway, he found Janice standing in front of the house with a suitcase on either side of her, and Spike in his crate, with the tote on top of it that they always used for his traveling accouterments. There was an expression on her face that he couldn’t define. She looked fatigued, angry, and fearful, all at once.

He got out of the car and approached her slowly.

“Are you throwing me out, Jan?” he asked, only half joking.

“Like I’d give up Spike, that easily. I’m vacating the premises, and if you have any sense, you’ll come with me.”

“What’s happened?”

“Let’s just say that the walls have ears, and eyes, too.”

***********

“Where are we going?” Liam asked, putting the Hulk in reverse, when their luggage and Spike were loaded in the back.

“I don’t know. I don’t care. Just… away.”

“Okay. I’ll think of something. Did you bring either one of the good laptops?”

“Both.”

“Good. It’s going to be okay, Jan. You’re right — we need to go somewhere, regroup, and figure out what to do. We’ll get a room in Marianna.” He reached across to take her hand, and smiled a little. “Just couldn’t wait to try out a new gadget, could you?” he teased.

Some of the tension left her, but her return smile was wan. “I wish I had. It was scary, when that thing picked up bug after bug. I never felt so alone, and so watched, in my life.”

“I can imagine.” He brought her hand to his lips, and kissed it.

“They’re in all the smoke detectors, and I found one in the base of your bedside lamp. There’s… there’s a camera, too. Dear God, Liam — it’s on the bottom of the ceiling fan! What a stupid place, for a camera. As if we wouldn’t notice it, eventually. I feel so… violated.”

“Maybe we were supposed to notice it, and feel just that way. I mean, why else would anyone want video of my pale, skinny backside? Not blackmail. There’s nothing licentious about relations, between spouses.”

“True,” Janice allowed. “There isn’t. But…”

“But, what?”

“You know what.”

“You’re not a lingerie model? I wouldn’t have one of those, on a golden platter. All elbows, and ribs, and hip bones sticking out all over the place. A man wants to be loved, not spindled. I don’t blame you, for feeling like your privacy was violated. It was. But, if shaming you was what they were trying to do, second hand, don’t go there. You’re mine. I love you. Nothing else matters.”

“You’re right,” she said, after a moment. “Thank you, for the computer, Sugar. You didn’t have to do that, or stay up, all night, to get it working.”

“Is it working?”

“Like a charm. You could have just left the box there, and let me put it all together.”

“I know, but it didn’t seem like enough, after I stole yours, with all of your files on it. I wasn’t really laughing at you, last night, honey. You zinged me, pretty good, then Hannah cheered you on, and it tickled my funny bone.”

“I realized that, by the time I went to bed. I tried to call you, but you didn’t pick up.”

“Sorry. I left my phone in the car, on the charger. I got your voicemail, but you were asleep, when I got home.”

“I heard you come in. I knew it was you, when Spike didn’t raise hell, so I went back to sleep.”

“Spike… I don’t see any redemption arc in the story for you, pal,” Liam addressed the dog, over his shoulder. “Some watchdog you are.”

“Don’t be mean, Liam. Whoever planted those things probably scared him, to death. He’s a snuggle-puppy, not a guard dog.”

“Huh,” Liam grunted. “Might as well be a cat.”

“Daddy doesn’t mean that, Spike. Tell him you didn’t mean that.”

“I didn’t mean it, Spike,” Liam said, rolling his eyes.

“That’s better.” She slid closer to him, in her seat, and rested her head on his shoulder.