Amateur Hour

Not-So-Quick Fixes

Guy

“So, you’ve decided to break radio silence.”

“I had my ringer off, and forgot to turn it back on. Sorry, vato,” Steph apologized.

“That’s not like you. What have you been up to, Steve?” he demanded teasingly suspicious.

“You go first. You can talk, right?”

“Since Ted’s the one doing the driving, I s’pose I can.” Guy launched into a description of his day, full of the Dean’s red tie, his peculiarly specific Spanish lesson, and all that had happened since Ted and Nina had arrived.

“Pretty smart, folding your warning into your lesson. It worked?”

“Well enough. The word seemed to have gotten around to students outside my class. I bet Hermann wondered why the green-ties seemed to be in the center of one knot of students or another, all day. Then, Nina tied her up, in a neat little bow. I think you sold me a bill of goods, about her.”

“I never said she couldn’t rise to an occasion. Bet she’s drained, though.”

“We all had a little dinner, and she went straight to bed.”

“And, now you and Ted are on your way out to some shed.”

“Not anymore. We’re here.” Guy paused, in his narrative, to pop the lid off a can of spray lubricant. “If I can just get these damned nuts and screws loose, we’ll be cookin’.”

“Nuts and screws. On what?”

“Hermann’s pet carbon monoxide tank.”

“Carbon mon—” she bit it off.

“You okay, Steve?”

“She’s gassing them.” Steph’s tone was flat.

“But, she’s sedating them, first, because she’s quote: ‘not a monster.’ Ain’t that right, Ted?”

“Your mileage may vary,” Ted replied. “Mine does.”

“First, we’re going to disconnect this puppy. We thought about bleeding it, but don’t know how long that will take. Gonna do it anyway, but it’s not reliable.”

“Not reliable, for what, exactly?”

Guy chuckled, then grunted a little, as he tried one of the treated nuts. It was still stuck. He repeated the spraying process.

“We’re going to give the illustrious and efficient Dr. Hermann a taste of her own medicine, for starters.”

“Yeah? Why disconnect the tank, then?”

“That’s cold, Steve,” he chuckled. “I’m not ready to turn murderer, just yet. I’ll settle for her soiling her dainties, until we decide what to do, with her.”

The first nut and bolt had surrendered, as had the second. The third was still a bear. He knew better than to try to force it. No joy on the fourth one, either.

Guy sprayed again, then rose to his feet, with a soft grunt.

“While you’re on break,” Ted said, a bit irascibly, “I’m going to get the cart out of sight.”

“What’s up his ass?” Steph asked, giving him a moment to walk away, on the crunching gravel.

“Today rattled him. He wasn’t expecting Hermann to drop her whole game, right into his lap. No one was. Pride in your work is usually a good thing, but… Anyway, she seems to be the main architect of the Saguaro Springs operation, and she wanted the new boss to know it.”

“Hell’s bells, vato — how do people like her and Gordon find each other?” she demanded.

“Same way people like us do, maybe. Could be, they were work associates, on other projects. Who knows?” He knelt again to tackle the two recalcitrant nuts. Number three was still clinging, but the fourth one was ready to be worked.

“You haven’t gotten them, yet?” Ted demanded, reappearing around the side of the little building.

Guy deliberately stopped what he was doing, to gaze up at the other man. When he spoke, he kept his voice level, and patient.

“Ted. Do you know what mild steel is? It’s the worst possible steel for this job.” He tapped the fifty-pound tank twice, for emphasis. “It’s prone to corrosion, even in the desert. I’m trying to remove these nuts, without rounding off their chamfers. The doofus who built this rig, should have used decent bolts, and domed nuts, to protect the threading. I’m only happy they were completely stupid, and didn’t use the six sets they should have used.”

“Sorry.”

“Ask him if he has mah-jongg, on his phone, or Candy Crush,” Steph snarked.

“I heard that, Stephanie,” Ted replied.

“Good. I meant for you to hear it. I’ve had it up to my eyebrows, today, with people who hire other people to do what they do, then complain about them doing it.”

“Don’t make me give you a time out, children.” Guy bent to his task once more. He pushed the final nut, as far as he dared, then a little farther. It broke free, with a grating sound. He released the breath he’d been holding. “Gotcha, bitch!” he crowed, when he’d worked it off. “Hold on, Steve — gonna have to set the phone out of the way, while Ted and I push this pipe off, to one side.”

Ted joined him, gripping the pipe. “Which way are we going?”

“Uh… Inward, toward the shed wall. Just enough to clear the outflow. Hopefully she won’t notice, if all she does is glance at her rig.”

It took a minute of effort, but they managed, without much trouble.

“Looks pretty good,” Ted observed.

“Yeah. In the dim light, I don’t think she’ll be able to tell.”

“I’m going to fire up the pump. I’m curious to see how loud it is.”

It wasn’t really necessary, but Guy nodded. He wanted to hear it, too.

“So, how did your day go?” he resumed his conversation, with his partner. “And, why did you decide to abuse me, by turning off your ringer?”

“Kayla was talking to Julio, and I was listening in. I didn’t want him to hear my phone ring, if you called again.”

Steph launched into the Stanley saga, omitting, for the time, her first trip to Atlanta, with Kayla in tow. She had just gotten to the part about gathering the empty boxes, when the pump motor whined to life.

“Is that your motor?”

“Yeah,” he grinned. “Loud, for electric, isn’t it? There’s no insulation, on the inside of the shed; it’s just bare framing. That noise should loosen her sphincter, don’t you think?”

“Or, make her ears bleed. Should it be that high pitched?”

“It does sound a little too high, at that.”

“I had to press the damned button four times,” Ted said, coming back around. “Should it smell like that?”

“No, it shouldn’t. Better go back and kill it, Ted.”

Before he could, the motor whined higher, sparked, then groaned to a stop.

“Shit! Son of a bitch!” Ted cursed.

“Don’t flip, dude. I might be able to fix it. Find the box, and kill the main breaker.”

Ted stomped away, into the dark, still muttering curses.

“Sounds like he’s losing it.”

“Don’t mind him. Tell me about Stanley.”

“It’s off,” Ted shouted, from the front of the building.

Guy knelt again, on the hardpan, his knees beginning to object to that surface, and began working at the screws on the motor. Fortunately, these were decent quality, and he had no trouble breaking them loose, and removing them. When the little cowling was off, however, his headlamp illuminated disaster.

“Fried,” he muttered, regarding the scorched insulation, just as Steph was relating her description of Julio’s gate guard.

“How bad?” she broke off her story.

“Beyond anything I can do. Stinks, too.”

“Well, isn’t that just lovely?” Ted growled, surveying the damage.

“You say the shed is sealed?” Steph asked.

“Airtight,” Ted confirmed. “There’s a seal on the door, and the windows are welded shut. What does that have to do with the motor?”

“It’s a pump motor,” Steph replied. “It pumps toxic gas into an airtight space. It follows, therefore, that there might be another pump, somewhere, that pulls the gas out of that space. You know, for safety?” Her voice had taken on a sarcastic edge. “If there is, maybe you could use it, or at least cannibalize it, to fix the burned one.”

Guy glanced at Ted, who looked like he wanted the ground to open up, and swallow him. “I’ll go that way,” he said, in a chastened voice, pointing to his right.

Chuckling softly, as he rose to his feet, Guy proceeded in the opposite direction. The vacuum pump was at the front corner of the shed, on his side, hooded with a black plastic box, to conceal what it was. “Found it!” he shouted, to Ted. “You know, Steve, if you marry me, our kids will be sexy and brilliant.”

“And, I’d have to do your laundry. Hard pass, vato.”

“We could negotiate that.” Once more, he squatted, in the dust. “Oof! I don’t know if it’s better to kneel on this baked shit, or not. My knees will never be the same. So, you got past the sad excuse for a security guard. Then, what?”

He looked the job over. The pump wasn’t secured to a base, like its sister, in back. He would need only to remove the pipe, disconnect the electrical connection, and move it. The box would hide the fact that it was missing. Easy peasy. The nuts and bolts turned out to be a better quality steel, and they gave in gracefully, after a little firm persuasion.

“Wait, what?! He grabbed you?”

“Well, obviously, I got away.”

“How?” She wasn’t telling him something. He had a feeling she wasn’t telling him a lot of somethings.

“We need a new pair of kitchen shears. Julio has ours, now.”

“You stuck him, with the shears.” Guy paused in his work, ignoring Ted, looming over his shoulder.

“He’s not mortally wounded. Probably reevaluating his own situational awareness, though.”

“Not funny, Steve. Those were 59-dollar Messermeister shears.”

Her appreciative chuckle was music.

“They still are. I just don’t have them, anymore.”

“Dammit, Guy!” Ted snapped. “Focus!”

“Right, right. Gotta go Steve, before Ted blows a gasket.”

“Talk to you tomorrow, then. Watch your ass, okay, vato?”

“I always do. Love you, Steve.”

“Love you, too.”

Guy let her hang up, first, before following suit. When he glanced up at Ted, again the other man looked chagrined, and frayed.

“Chill, Ted. We’ve got this. I might be able to use it, as is. All we want is a jumped-up noise machine. It doesn’t have to actually do anything.”

“My apology debt to Stephanie keeps rising.”

“Then, stop being an ass, to her. And, help me tote this thing, around back.”

In an hour, it was done. Guy was satisfied with the job. The original insulation for the motor’s electrical supply was black, and his splicing didn’t show, once it was well wrapped in electrical tape. In broad daylight, it might, but in the darkness, it didn’t stand out, at all.

The new pump had a satisfying, even whine that was noisier, than the original, and sounded like it was running smoothly. With the old one hidden under the black box, he thought they would be in good shape.

“Air,” Ted muttered.

“What?”

“Air. It’s airtight. Even that… abomination… has to breathe. Never mind. I’ll tend to it, tomorrow. I’m no mechanic, but even I can drill a hole.”

“Can’t believe I overlooked that,” Guy said, as they got back into Ted’s cart.

“You’d have thought of it.” He set the cart on its roll back to the teachers’ compound. “I’m sorry, Guy. I shouldn’t have been riding your ass.”

“I get it. It’s hard to stand around and watch, while someone else is in control of what’s going on.”

“Stephanie wasn’t the distraction. I was. I should have known you needed to hear from your girl, to keep your mind right.”

“Steve and I share a brain,” he grinned. “Don’t sweat it, man. Go home, crack a beer, watch something meaningless, and go to bed.”

“I’ll do that,” Ted said, then sighed quietly. He didn’t speak again, until they were halfway home. “You have access to the uniform supply room?” he asked.

“All the staff does. Why?”

“I’d like for you to slip in there, tomorrow, if you can. Grab two regular school ties for every kid who doesn’t have one. Stash them, in your classroom.”

“No problem. I’ll get them, on my lunch break.”

“Good. Thanks. Franklin Riley can distribute them, after the festivities, tomorrow night.”

“He’ll like that.”

“He’s earned the privilege, and more.”

*******

Ted

Pausing for a moment, while Guy walked up his driveway, gravel crunching under his boots, Ted glanced across the street. To his surprise, Nina was at her bedroom window, backlit by the bedside lamp. He’d thought she was in bed, hours ago, and sound asleep by now.

She raised a hand, and waved. Ted touched the fingertips of his right hand, to his lips, and saluted, in return. A few seconds later, the curtain fell, Nina vanished, and the light went out.

He pulled up to his own carport, shut the cart off, and got out. After plugging it in, he stood at the bottom of his steps, taking in the arid whisper of the desert night. The air had cooled, and was chilling the remnants of the perspiration he had somehow managed to work up, at the shed.

It smelled of dry spices, sand, with just a hint of flowers, to keep it from being quite sterile. He felt lonely, exhilarated, melancholy, and exhausted. Determined to crack a beer, as Guy had prescribed — he’d never sleep, otherwise — he mounted his steps, and went in.

***

The phone jolted him awake, at midnight. Ted tried, in his haze to answer the remote, that was dangling from his hand, scowled at it, dropped it on the sofa cushion next to him, and reached for his phone, on the end table. The motion set his half drunk bottle of suds to a precarious wobble, but it settled.

“Stephanie,” he groaned. “Do you know what time, it is?”

“Midnight, your time. I thought you’d still be up. Doesn’t sound like you were.” Her voice was flat, remorseless.

“I fell asleep, in front of the TV. What can I do for you, Steph?”

“I guess we’ll see, about that. Did you notice, while you were harrying my partner, that I didn’t tell him everything I did, today?”

“I apologized to Guy, for that, if it makes you feel any better.”

“Maybe a bit. Not much.”

“I understand. You have something you want to discuss?”

“Kayla and I tracked down your cousin, Joe. Paid him a visit. Learned some things — things you already know, so I won’t bore you, with repeating them.”

“And?” he prompted.

She sighed. The sound seemed to say everything. There was sadness in it, a hint of defeat, and a deep weariness.

“And, my theory is that you’re protecting the future of a younger cousin, once removed, and the memory of yet another. I think you had something to do with the… infraction committed by the one that’s still alive.”

“I won’t confirm that, Stephanie. That could make me equally liable, even if my intention was other than what came about. In turn, that would make you liable, if you didn’t reveal what you knew to certain authorities. It’s not pure selfishness. I have a wife, and I have two children, on the way.”

“Were the consequences truly unintended, Ted?”

Her voice was calm, but he could hear the hint of pleading, in it.

“I told my cousin only what happened to the girl he loved, and who was ultimately, though indirectly, responsible, for it. Nothing else. Never the truth about her. I’m not a good man, in some ways, Stephanie. But, I’m not that evil.”

She was quiet for so long, Ted thought the connection had dropped.

“He was, though.” There was no doubt that she was referring to Gordon.

“He was worse than even I imagined,” Ted agreed.

“You’d still be on the outside, looking in, if things hadn’t happened, the way they did,” she mused. “It would have been years, before he trusted you. Not that he had so many left, but, even one year would have made a difference. Cost more.”

“Yes. At the time, though, I was emotional, myself. You know that, better than anyone.”

She sighed, again.

“She’ll be forgotten, then.”

“She won’t. I swear to you, she won’t. Her so-called mother will face justice — the law’s justice, not mine.” He fell silent, for a moment, then said, in a gentle tone, “I’ve watched you, struggle when ethics and morality are at odds, since the day we first knew each other, for who we were. Every single time, you come down, on the side of the moral choice, and I’m proud of you, Stephanie. Let her go.”

“She haunts me, Ted,” she replied, with a break in her voice.

“Maybe, because you see something of yourself, in her. Let her go, Stephanie. Let the child rest. You’ve carried her, as far as you can.” He could hear her muffled sniffles, and it wasn’t hard to imagine her wiping away tears. “Listen. There’s a pretty little park, on the campus, here. It’s one of the few places, with beautiful, green grass. How does ‘Jessica Greene Memorial Park’ sound, to you?”

“It sounds… not bad. Is it the one Guy talked about? With the unmarked monuments?”

“That’s the one. We’ll fix that, too.”

“Okay… Yeah, okay.”

She was beginning to bring herself under control – at least, for the time being. “I take it, you’re going to take the Dean down,” she continued.

“Tomorrow night. We’re going to copy all of her files, clone her computer.”

“May I make a suggestion?”

“Of course.”

“Let me put Kayla, on a plane, if you’re going to be rooting around, in computers. Just in case you hit a snag. And… you’ll want to scrub any mention there might be, of Jess, in the files, if you mean to hand the original over, to the cops. Kayla can root all of that out.”

“I’ll charter a flight. It’ll be more efficient. I’ll call you back, tomorrow, with the details.”

“Yeah. This time I’ll keep my ringer on.”

“Get some sleep, Steph.”

“Good night, Ted.”